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Archive: The Rockstar Ramblings Columns

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Kiss Coffeehouse

This past week Kiss announced a Kiss themed coffeehouse to be built in Melbourne, Australia. Given the graduation from action figures, iPod applications, and coffins this seems like a good time to propose other ventures for some of our other eighties rockers. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Kiss Steel Cage Challenge

Forget Atkins, Low-Fat, or the South Beach diet: Try the new Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) Red Wine Only diet. Week six of Celebrity Fit Club displayed Bach easily beating ex-R&B star Bobby Brown in a long-distance running challenge up a hill. I guess I should point out Brown’s chronic chain smoking and potato chip addiction, but those are just details. Try the Red Wine Only diet today!... More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The GNR Video Trilogy II

In week four of Celebrity Fit Club we finally get to see Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) in true form, that is to say, the anger finally appears. The best comparison I see is looking at Skid Row’s self titled debut album versus the follow-up, Slave to The Grind, going from “I Remember You” to “The Threat,” a sweet ballad to destruction. In this episode Bach goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of minutes, hitting cameras, getting in the face of female teammates, and dropping fifty F-bombs in less than five minutes. Nice to have you back Sebastian… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: A Potential Axl Memoir?

Duff McKagan (Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver, and Loaded) has stated that he is developing a memoir of his life. With McKagan’s entry into the world of autobiographies, this makes three members (Duff, Slash, and Steven Adler) from the original GN’R lineup to venture into the memoir business. Given Izzy Stradlin’s need to stick to his independent roots, no one is holding their breath over IZZY, which would have to be the title, right? That leaves us with W. Axl Rose.

The Axl memoir is interesting to many because of three factors. First, at times, Rose has maintained a semi-reclusive life, vanishing from a spotlight he once dominated. Second, few have had as many “what were they thinking?” moments as Axl. This is a perfect output for his side of the story. Finally, there is the good versus evil, love versus insanity, caring versus destructive natures (often in the same breath) through both his music and performances. Would all the answers be revealed in a “tell all” book? Of course not, it would probably confuse fans more, but in good natured fun, let’s look at some potential titles for this book that will never see the light of day. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Stone Velvet Roses

In episode three of Celebrity Fit club, Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) is disappointed at his weight loss, telling the judges “I even took three days off drinking”. Bach’s quandary is now whether to continue drinking or just stop eating entirely. This may quickly turn into a semi-Survivor show where we watch to see how long Sebastian survives on red wine alone… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Cranium Hall of Fame

The past weekend Axl and the new Guns N Roses rolled into New York for a couple surprise shows. Going on late, and then partying for, as Axl was quoted, “As long as it takes”, it is clear Rose hasn’t changed much from the Use Your Illusion days. However, I was quite shocked to see Axl rocking the Fedora hat with the bandana, a bold move few can pull off. Add in the trademark oversized aviator shades and Axl becomes a first ballot inductee for the Cranium Accessories Hall of Fame, joining Bret Michaels and Hulk Hogan (first time ballot inductees in the bandana category)… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Bon Jovi Roulette

In an interview this week Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi) leaked out that the band will play the album "Slippery When Wet" in its entirety during their next tour. He then went on to say that when they don’t play this album they will play "Lost Highway" or "The Circle" from start to finish. For those holding tickets to a Bon Jovi show, this is referred to as Bon Jovi Roulette… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Grammy Edition

Thoughts while watching the Grammy’s and wondering if Lady Gaga’s performance was influenced by Poison’s first album Look What The Cat Dragged In…

Congratulations to Rob Halford and Judas Priest for their Grammy win. Anyone else disappointed Halford wasn’t draped in leather when he accepted the award?...

Speaking of leather, despite matching leather jackets and pants it is difficult to listen to Bon Jovi and not think, so are these guys Country for good?...

Should Anthony Kiedis every leave Red Hot Chile Peppers I believe Taboo from Black Eyed Peas could probably make a seamless transition…

No surprise here when Slash (Guns N’ Roses, Velvet Revolver) jointed T-Pain, Jamie Foxx and friends on stage. We are months away from a press release stating Slash is the fourth Jonas brother…

All dressed up and only the Grammy’s to attend, Alice Cooper presented the Grammy for best rock album. There should be a rule that Cooper can only dress as stage “Alice” or be wearing a golf polo shirt…

Watching Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day) accepting a Grammy solidified him as the only rocker with a head three times the size of his body…

Non Grammy Thoughts of the week…

Steven Tyler is threatening to sue Aerosmith in an attempt to block the band from hiring a new lead singer. Leaked rumors indicate that Billy Idol has been approached by the band. Two questions: 1. Does Idol get to play Rebel Yell with the band? 2. Generally speaking, does the band feel they have to replace Tyler with someone the exact same age?...

D.J. Ashba (Guns N’ Rosses, Sixx A.M.) was recently kicked out of a Canadian hotel for smoking cigarettes. In an interview this week Ashba went on to say he was shocked by the attitude and anger expressed from “An old woman with Tina Turner like hair”. D.J., it is Canada, eleven months out of the year it is winter. It is cold. These are angry people. Step away from the hotel, and button up, it is going to be okay…

The line-up for Slash’s new album officially includes Fergie (Black Eyed Peas), Ozzy Osbourne, Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Kid Rock, and many others. Given the wide range of talent I have to wonder why Slash neglected to give this up and comer I keep hearing about named Billy Idol a shot…

Finally, VH1 has a reality show titled Rock N Roll Fantasy Camp in production. The cast includes many rock and pop stars including Lemmy, Ace Frehley (Kiss), and of course, Bret Michaels. Anyone interested? Episodes to include segments on picking out bandanas, writing multiple hooks with the word “party”, and learning how to use the word “Awesome” as a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb – all in the same sentence…

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Video Marathon

Today’s column takes us through another marathon of 80’s glam metal videos. This special presentation is sponsored by Stella beer and Patron tequila. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Howling and Smoking Hash

This week Axl Rose (Guns N Roses) and Slash traded tweets via Twitter related to getting the band back together. Slash started with a post related to putting together a concert to help the effort in Haiti. Axl took this to mean to put back the original GNR lineup and blasted Slash for using this tragedy as an excuse. Slash responded, clarifying his intent of raising money with a concert of many bands, not reuniting GNR. Always needing the last word it is rumored that Axl then followed up with a tweet that said simply: OK… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Too Tired to Row?

Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue) will be co-hosting (with Kerri Kasem ) “The Sixx Sense with Nikki Sixx”, a radio show that will play rock music and promises a look inside the life of a rock star. No word yet on how “Tattoo Corner, a Look at Nikki’s tats” will play out on the radio…Ramon Sampson beat out Tommy Lee (Motley Crue), Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters), and John Tempestra (The Cult) in the Guitar Center DRUM OFF in L.A. this past week, answering the age old question: What do drummers do in the winter months when not on tour?... More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Cartoon Rock Network

Taking a page out of the KISS “How to Market Your Band” book, Def Lepard is moving into the world of cartoons. Here’s a look at a few others that may be in productions soon…

SUPER NINJA VAN HALEN BROTHERS: They eat pizza with M&M’s (no brown ones allowed) and solve crimes. Each with their own super powers: Eddie plays his guitar and bad dudes become distracted by the sound, Alex uses his drum sticks to perform beat downs, Michael strokes his beard to gain super strength, and David, of course, conquers his enemies with karate kicks. A cartoon of good vs. evil with a lesson taught at the end. The lesson is always we may not like each other, but damn we are good when we work together. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Christmas Edition

The season for giving and receiving is upon us. This week we look at what the 80’s glam gods are asking for this year…

Bret Michaels (POISON): A bandana (preferably blue) that alerts Bret when there’s a reality show opportunity near by.

Jon Bon Jovi (BON JOVI): Jeans (skinny, tears above and below the knees, medium wash).

Sebastian Bach (SKID ROW): Tickle me Elmo.

Steve Tyler (AEROSMITH): A band.

Sammy Hagar (CHICKENFOOT): A bottle of tequila, wrapped.

Vince Neil (MOTLEY CRUE): A Radio Flyer 2900 red wagon to carry all the cash made this past year.

Gene Simmons (KISS): To have Christmas renamed KISSmas.

Ted Nugent: Guns, raw meat, gun powder…oh, wait this is Ted’s weekly shopping list.

David Coverdale (WHITESNAKE): Once again make large hair and album sales go hand in hand.

Axl Rose (GUNS N ROSES): The option to do what he wants despite contractual obligations and pending legal proceedings. Also, a Tickle me Elmo.

David Lee Roth (VAN HALEN): A straight answer from the Van Halen brothers.

Jani Lane (WARRANT): For 2009 to end ASAP.

Kip Winger (WINGER): Hair dye for his chest AND buttons for his shirts.

Lita Ford: A new bed.

Josh Todd: A new tattoo.

Dee Snider: World anarchy in the name of peace and metal.

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Same Ole Axl

At LAX, Axl Rose (GUNS N ROSES) got into a scuffle with a paparazzo that ended up with a few bloodied participants. Even with Rose flying to Taiwan there is still concern about whether he will be in the mood to perform, a question that had been raised earlier in the week when the rest of the band flew to the gig without the singer. It’s time to set the GNR Tour odds: 2:1 one gig is played; 3:1 the Asian tour is completed without incident and/or cancellations; 5:1 GNR makes it to their Canadian leg of the tour; 1:1 Axl self destructs at some point during the tour. Technically, for those that had self destruction, you can now collect your winnings… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Lita Ford’s Sexting

Recently Lita Ford sent out messages via Twitter to her fans detailing her sexual romp with her husband who is referred to as both Big Daddy and Meat Whistle. To read (or join) Ford’s Twitter go to: twitter.com/litaford. My only comment is that if Nikki Sixx can publish “The Heroin Diaries” then Lita should seriously consider “The Sex Diaries”. Let’s get this started, shall we… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: WHAT IF?

WHAT IF Van Halen decided to name their third album Van Halen III?

[ANSWER] Common sense says sales stay the same, but the band becomes more focused on reaching Roman numeral ten, keeping the original line-up together for ten albums. Everyone likes the big X. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Breaking News

BREAKING NEWS: This week starts with rumors swirling of an Aerosmith break-up and Steven Tyler considering auditioning for Velvet Revolver, more to come as this story develops… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Video Marathon Diary II

Thoughts while counting the number of spandex body suits worn in the David Lee Roth video “Yankee Rose”…

For those that refuse to place KISS into the hair band genre please take a look at exhibit A: The video for “Forever”: It’s as if both Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley walked into wardrobe and asked for the Rikki Rocket…On the topic of bad hair, there is not a worse wig then the one worn by the principle in Motley Crue’s version of “Smoking In The Boys Room”… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The VR Search Continues

Last week Corey Taylor (Slipknot) announced that he tried out for the available lead singer spot for Velvet Revolver. Apparently he has not been offered the job, but this definitely gives us an idea of how the band’s search is going and that is to say not well.

Rumors (most found to be factual) have placed country singers, Sabastian Bach, and Lenny Kravitz at VR auditions this past year. Given Duff McKagan and Slash’s solo projects it’s a mystery to me why they continue to press the need for a lead singer so urgently; however, this continues to be a priority despite no “perfect” fit found up to this point. How can we help? Let’s break down the top ten leading (available) candidates and why they would/would not be a good fit for the ex gunners… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Glam Band Album Names

This week Ratt finally released the name of their upcoming album. The title is Infestation and not Caught Cheating as I had guessed. All said and done I probably had a 50/50 chance…Vince Neil will soon be announcing the name of his upcoming solo album. The world waits on the edge of their seats… More...

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