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The Rockstar Ramblings: Strip Club Inspired

Photo of Guns N Roses

Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

Slash (Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver) was recently in Sydney, Australia to launch the new MTV Classic television network. Slash and his wife met up with the young pop princess Justin Bieber who was hoping to have dinner with the guitar legend. Instead of a dinner invite Bieber got more than he bargained when Slash invited him out to a strip club. No news on whether Justin accepted the invite, but the rule is that any time an inappropriate strip club invite is made, it must inspire a column so here we go…

Joe Elliot (Def Leppard), best known for their stripper anthem “Pour Some Sugar On Me” dispelled rumors of the band breaking up, ensuring that the band will continue to make music. Also known for diverse albums ranging from heavy, to pop, to country, this is very good news for those hoping Def Leppard beats Bon Jovi to the first eighties glam band to make a hip hop album…

Once again Gene Simmons demonstrates he isn’t shy about promoting his band Kiss, saying “Kiss is bigger than Mickey Mouse”, he also goes on to say that Kiss is responsible for Lady Gaga’s act, but stops short NOT taking credit for Bill Clinton’s cigar play and inventing the strip club…

From the “Look But You Can’t Touch” section we find Bret Michaels (Poison) updates that he will make a 100% recovery, remains in critical condition, has suffered setbacks, and has been released from the hospital. Given the erratic diagnosis was anyone else expecting to find out his doctor was Dr. Nick Riviera from the Simpsons…

The band Jackyl have officially reached “Tony Danza Crazy” level (for those not familiar with the crazy scale, this is one level higher than “Danny Bonaduce”, one level lower than “Bobby Brown Crazy”). The band is officially in the Guinness Book of World Records for playing 100 shows in 50 days. They continue to tour relentlessly, scoping out bars and strip clubs for their upcoming tour. Don’t be surprised to wake up and have Jackyl playing in your bedroom. Three guarantees: 1. You will wake up given there isn’t a snooze button 2. Jackyl will count it as a gig 3. If they open with “Lumberjack”, you may have a heart attack….

After watching Slash’s new video (featuring Andrew Stockdale), “By the Sword”, I think I have this figured out. There are hundreds of strippers stranded in a desert, draped in camouflage. They find a secret passage way that leads into the ground to the same place Velvet Revolver shot the video for “Slither”. Is this correct? Also, important to note that inside this secret party the camouflage is optional…

Buckcherry has released their new single “All Night Long” and plan to release their new album during the summer. If anyone (other than the Merchandising Crue) is due to create an album as a homage to strip clubs, it should really be these guys. I believe the song list would look something like this: “Dreamer” ( A little girl dreaming of becoming a movie star as she works the pole on Sunset Strip); “Big Mack Jack”(Tale of a bouncer that falls for one of the dancers); “Angel”( Story of a stripper, her name is Angel and she overdoses on Angel dust); “I Win, You Lose” (An upbeat mantra type song about a girl dancing at a strip club, a guy from High School who dumped her shows up at the club); “Sucker” (A ballad about those who go into the VIP/champagne rooms); “Candy” (Working for nose candy); “Vegas” (A girl, town, and cop…all named Vegas)…

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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3 Comments on "The Rockstar Ramblings: Strip Club Inspired"

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WOLF7's avatar

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1. WOLF7 writes:

The ultimate strip club song must be Crûe's "Girls Girls Girls".
Pour Some Sugar On Me is a fine contender as well..

# May 7, 2010 @ 1:41 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

2. Blindgreed1 writes:

The band Jackyl have officially reached “Tony Danza Crazy” level (for those not familiar with the crazy scale, this is one level higher than “Danny Bonaduce”, one level lower than “Bobby Brown Crazy”). lol.

Wolf: And Tone Loc's Funky Cole Medina.

# May 7, 2010 @ 2:21 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
3. RTB writes:

On top of being a complete waste of time and money going to a strip club (other than turning 18 & 21 and or a bachelor party) alot of times you have to endure sitting there and suffering through some pretty bad rap songs....rock/metal music helps, but not much.....entertaining piece though

# May 7, 2010 @ 2:59 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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