The Rockstar Ramblings: Tommy Lee on Biography
Band Photo: Ozzy Osbourne (?)
Occasionally I find myself in the nose bleed section of the cable listings, somewhere past TBS, USA, and TNT, but before the dreaded Country Music Channel. This week I was perusing the cable nose bleeds and came across the Biography episode of Tommy Lee. At first glance this didn’t sound that interesting, but I was quickly captured when I saw Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne as part of the documentary.
The interview portion begins with Tommy inside his famous home studio decorated complete with a Starbucks and cocktail lounge. Lee is quick to pull out his song “Good Times” for the crew to hear. From here, most of the interview is spent in his backyard, near a pond with gold fish. This is where we learn of the support his parents gave Tommy, to the point that his dad would create pyrotechnics by placing gun powder in pipes. Oh the father/son memories: fishing on a lake, throwing around the ball, and creating pipe bombs. As Tommy talks about his career with Motley and getting a break by touring with Ozzy the cameras continue to cut to blond star fuckers drooling over Lee.
Next we learn Lee is a great cook, leading to Sharon Osbourne making a penis joke and Ozzy doing a five minute stare at her. Other hobbies of Tommy include flowers, trees, and licking toes. Also, when feeding his gold fish he describes the sound as “awesome.”
The women (Heather Locklear, Pamela Anderson) are covered along with his tattoos. Tommy jokes that when he dies he wants to make a lamp shade out of the skin from his arms. For those following along, this interview definitely goes from sweet to sick to sweet faster than a Motley Crue ballad.
Each person that contributes refers to Tommy Lee as a kid that has never grown up. I guess this is meant to be a compliment; of course this kid has went to jail and is a star in one of the more infamous sex tapes. Good job kid! The takeaways are definitely that Lee is one of the true rock star endangered species, one of the rockers that have adjusted with the times, exploring reality television and combining hip hop with rock in his pet project Methods of Mayhem.
The real payoff (yes, there was a payoff) is meeting Gerald Rafferty, Tommy Lee’s life coach. It’s not so much what he has to say, but rather his whisky old school mustache. With no athletic talent, he could have easily taken the mound for the Oakland Athletics in the seventies and fit right in next to Rollie Fingers.
If this isn’t enough for you, and face it (pun intended), a good mustache should always be enough, you are left with the Osbournes. More so than their reality show, Ozzy and Sharon put on their best impression of Frank and Estelle Constanza from Seinfeld. There constant arguing and second guessing each other is always comedy at its highest, stealing the show from, who was this about? Oh yeah, Tommy Lee’s Biography special.
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