Archive: Pit Stories Columns
In recent weeks we've explored quite the range of show stories, including an epic drunk journey to see the Misfits, a truly violent farewell show, and a sad case of a mosh pit turning on the hardcore kid.
Today's Pit Story comes courtesy of psychedelic outfit Suns Of Thyme. Drummer Jascha Kreft shares these memories of teenage enthusiasm and more restrained adults trying to have a good time:
The most exciting mosh pit I ever experienced during a show of mine that was with my very first band back in my hometown in the most provincial backwater in northern Germany 10 years ago. I remember about 200 or so 14 year old teens "moshing" their hearts out (for most of them the first time I guess), falling on the ground constantly, older attendees laughing about them but enjoying themselves.
So far it seems to me that the audiences in Berlin are a little more calm, or more into themselves or just spoiled but there are exceptions. I had my last proper mosh at a concert of Fuzz. People were hanging from the ceiling right from the first song.
Suns Of Thyme recently inked a deal with Napalm Records and is gearing up to release new album "Cascades" on May 27th, 2016. More...
We've got one hell of a pit story this week metal heads, going from S.O.D.'s Billy Milano crushing a fan's hand to a truly epic trek to see The Misfits that's worthy of a Harold & Kumar style movie.
Hilariously, the vast majority of this pit story takes place nowhere near the pit, as a drunken idiot friend tanks all chances of getting to the show. Vocalist Mike Stack from False Gods tells the tale like this:
I have slowed down a bit in my present age as far as going to shows but back in my more carefree and reckless years it was probably my favorite pastime. I think a big part of the adventure was taking the train into New York city from the island because it gave you ample time to get your drink on.
I remember one Halloween getting so lit on cheap rum that the last thing I remember is walking on the city streets in the middle of a Halloween parade and my friend looked at me and said “I have to go kill a midget” and started sprinting through the people full speed. I didn’t see him again for a few days after that. One time the exact same friend, during S.O.D. was standing next to me in the front of the stage screaming in my face. I had assumed he was so excited by finally getting to see them because they had been on a hiatus but to my disbelief he was screaming because Billy Milano was standing on his hand and he was screaming in pain.
My all time favorite story though is when me, my brother and two of my friends went to go see the Misfits back in 1996. During the Michael Graves years. We had a handle of Bacardi rum with us and the ride to the city was only an hour. The first 20 or so minutes went without a hitch, small talk and some laughs, then for whatever reason my friend (we'll call him "Tim") was like “we have to finish this bottle before we get to Penn station” I am usually under the assumption that putting any type of deadline on yourself is a dangerous game to play. After this statement he proceeded to guzzle almost half the bottle of booze until I had to actually interject and take it away from his mouth.More...
It's Tuesday again already? How about another epic Pit Story then?
This week we get a tale from Hollow Bones, reminiscing about a chaotic night where a crowd of music fanatics came together to send off a beloved band with a frenzied gift of violence! Hollow Bones vocalist Patrick Anthony tells the story like this:
The year was 2014. We were at the Loft for Breathtaker’s farewell show. The glory days of Poughkeepsie shows had long since passed. Tuesday night local shows, with a turnout of 200 kids was a distant memory clung to desperately by veterans of the local scene. However, when some of those veterans happened to be in a band that had been around since the aforementioned glory days is throwing a farewell show, people come out. They come out in droves, and they come out to fucking party.
This was one of those occasions that will go down as a legendary night in local show history. The crowd was warmed up throughout the night by all the other local bands, but the moment Breathtaker came out on stage, the entire room turned utterly violent. One of our friends started moving the pit from one end of the room, all the way to the bar in the next room over, then came back swinging, jumped onto the stage, kicked a number of people in the face, all before diving face first into a sea of swinging fists. At one point there wasn’t even a pit in the general sense of the word. It was just people fighting each other. Punching each other in the back of the head, in the face, kicking each other, falling down, getting stomped on, etc. and at the end of it all, no one was mad. No one took any of that anger away with them. We offered it up to our friends as a gift for their last performance.
It was like all of those nostalgic feelings that people held onto were being manifested that night on the floor of the Loft, while a soundtrack of breakdowns played over everything. It was pure and utter chaos. There have been plenty of shows that all of us had been to for bigger bands that had awesome pits, where people climbed on each other, and swung hard. But this was special. This was our night to relive our memories, and send our friends off the best way that we could.
Ready for a new bout of pit mayhem today, metal heads? This week pit story comes courtesy of Ontario-based outfit Black Absinthe.
We've all seen the hardcore kids throwing the windmills and fighting invisible ninja, which the more casual show-goers generally don't care for. They might be obnoxious, but you can't fault their enthusiasm at a live show.
Black Absinthe shares this tale of one such individual who unfortunately reaps what he sows... but soldiers on anyway:
The first few formative years of the band, we played a lot at a place called 751. Located on 751 Queen St. in Toronto this was our preferred and beloved dive bar for many years. Cheap beer 'n shot combos combined with dirty metal shows in the basement made it an ideal spot to start playing.
Our bass player Kyle Scarlett was working there as a bartender and privy to a front row seat of the bloodbath that occurred before we had a chance to grace the stage. It was the second band of a four four bill, good and crowded in the basement. Given that the capacity down there was something like 50 people max we had a good crowd of about 70 throughout the night.
The earlier bands were more on the hardcore end. And with hardcore you're gonna have some motherfucker throwing down. I'm all for getting worked up to the music and givin' 'er (windmilling at shows with dreads has led to some altercations) but the dude was just pushing everyone out the way that wasn't about to do Super Saiyan back at him. You could feel the crowd feeling the same thing like, "fuck can someone just give the dude a decent elbow and we can all get back to watching the show without guarding from a random clock in the face?”
So the vibe against the kid is turning, sitting behind the bar I can just feel it. Then eventually BAM! He finally gets a hit that launches him over to the wall (which I should mention was fairly stuccoed. If I had to give it a description I’d say...coarse?). Seeing the kid after I immediately take back whatever past feeling I felt about hoping he 'gets it' because this kid got it hard.
As I get a look at his face I see this front pepperoni slice sliver of his nose is hanging straight off the bottom of where it should be. Straight up figure 8 of fucked up face. Dangling, asking to be ripped off like a ticket from a skeeball machine. The open bit is gushing plenty of blood to clear out the room until the next band sound checked but I will credit the kid with being hard. He wanted to stay for the whole show. Pained me to tell him go to the hospital, stitch the front of your fucking nose back on, and that we'd be back another time.
Black Absinthe's upcoming album "Early Signs Of Denial" was produced by Dave Baksh (Cross Dog, The Mahones) and mixed and mastered by Frank Gryner (Rob Zombie- Hillbilly Deluxe). Set for release on May 13th, 2016, the album is the band's first professional recording and follows three self recorded EPs. More...
Time for a new Pit Story! After hearing about good karma with a travelling bottle of Jack Daniels and a tale of a missing yet indestructible guitar, this week we hear about a bevy of entertaining live shows from Atlanta outfit Dead Register.
We usually get some odd tales told in offbeat ways, but sometimes, these tales from musicians just absolutely sing with poetic wonder. This is one of those times.
Vocalist M. Chvasta of Dead Register today offers up an awe-inspiring retelling of a string of Jesus Lizard shows, in which girl bits both were and were not fingered, and penis both was and was not seen. He tells the story like this:
One time in the 90’s, I went to a Jesus Lizard show. Some band that sounded like Jesus Lizard opened. Two for one.
One time in the 90’s, I went to a Jesus Lizard show. Some whorish girl wearing super-short shorts wanted tons of attention from men. She would NOT stop crowd surfing, which was totally annoying (like most crowd surfers). She did not have underwear on. Dudes were fingering her girly-bits as she crowd surfed, to her delight. I think I saw Dave Yow’s dick, too.
One time in the 2000’s, I went to a Jesus Lizard reunion show in Nashville. Their tour shirt design was a bag of money, perfectly fitting. My then friend, but now wife and bandmate went with me. We moshed like champions, like it was in the 90’s. She did not crowd surf, nor did she get fingered. I ran into Larry from Pegboy who is a fine gentleman and a wonderful heartfelt singer. Pegboy did not open this show. Pegboy does not sound like Jesus Lizard.
One time in the 2000’s, I went to another Jesus Lizard reunion show in Atlanta. I wore an orange flannel shirt. Like it was the 90’s. Except I did not see Dave Yow’s dick.
Jesus Lizard and Pegboy are not metal.
Fuck crowd surfers.
We appreciate the clarification at the end there Chvasta! Dead Register will release new album "Fiber" on May 7th and two tracks off the release can be heard below. For more info on the band, head over to the Dead Register Facebook profile. More...
Every week we catch up with bands from across the globe to get their favorite stories from live shows. While most of these take place squarely within the mosh pit, sometimes the most interesting shenanigans take place right before or after the show, as is the case this week with a tale about a missing guitar. Finnish outfit Shiraz Lane shares this story:
For some reason the capricious forces of the universe have had their fun at times with me (Miki Kalske). One reputable example occurred on one average show day. We were preparing our gear at our rehearsal place and heading for load in as always. After we got our gear all packed up, we drove to the club.
Everything was going smooth and until it was time for sound check; I couldn’t find my guitar anywhere although I had a clear memory trace that I brought it out of our rehearsal place and left it leaning against the vehicle to be loaded among the last items. After a frustrating and inconclusive search, a horrendous thought rushed through my head that perhaps we had forgotten the guitar back at the rehearsal place. I had a bad gut feeling that maybe it was somewhere outside laying open and vulnerable for some dishonest citizen to steal.
We called our landlord who had both good and bad news; luckily the guitar was there, but apparently a car had driven over it since it had tire marks stained on it. To make matters worse, at that time I didn’t carry the guitar in a hard case, but in a flimsy carry-on bag instead to save space and my back when occasionally traveling on foot after a gig. After an hours excruciating drive back to square one, we located the beaten-up instrument. My heart skipped a beat as I opened the bag to see if all the bits and pieces were still intact.
At first glance the guitar seemed to be alright (miraculously) and even after closer analysis I was relieved to notice that the only flaw was that it was out of tune. After a quick tuning session and a double check I was ready, once again, to hit the stage having my precious six-string hanging around my neck. To this day I still play with that same guitar, recorded our debut album with it and have played all our gigs with it ever since.
By no means do I want to end this short story with a hint of endorsement, but I am inclined to thank ESP Guitars (although I am not an official artist in your roster). At least this guitar is certified to withstand a car, literally.
Frontiers Music Srl released the new Shiraz Lane album "For Crying Out Loud" on April 15th, 2016. Check out a music video off the album below, and more info can be found at the band's Facebook profile here. More...
From destruction of property to destruction to facial features, usually our many crazy Pit Stories have less-than-desirable outcomes.
Not so this week, as Karma To Burn shares a tale of fans who both take and give back, with a bottle of JD leading to some good karma that spanned more than one country. Evan Devine tells the story like this:
Our best mosh pit story is definitely from Hellfest 2013 in Clisson, France. Its one of the biggest metal festivals in Europe, I think the crowd was 50,000 that year. We were playing the valley stage as a two piece, just a drum set and guitar stack in front of 6,000 people.
Well, Jack Daniels was backstage giving out bottles of whiskey. During our set, after we each had enough, Will threw the half full bottle out in to the audience, and a guy caught it and started passing it around the pit.
Two weeks later, we were playing a show in Switzerland, and after our set there was a bottle of Jack on stage, with a note on it reading "Thanks for the bottle at Hellfest, now its my chance to return the favor."
Currently embarked on a European trek, Karma To Burn will follow that tour with a North American run starting May 13th. Dates for the U.S. and Canadian shows are as follows: More...
It's time for another Pit Story! This week we checked in with U.K. sludgy doom outfit Pensevor to hear about an interesting experience at a live show. Guitarist Pat Hopkins had this to say:
Way back in the early 00’s my old band was doing a very brief Channel Island tour, Jersey on the Friday night, prop plane over to Guernsey for the Saturday and back to Jersey for the Sunday night. I was playing in a dream pop band at the time (hey don't judge me) and we were supporting a couple of post hardcore bands from the UK mainland.
Having never been there before, I found Jersey a bit weird, but the Friday night show was fun. We got the early flight over to Guernsey on the Saturdaymorning and got to a pub near the venue before lunchtime and started playing pool and drinking. Mark (Pensevor vocals) had come over as an unofficial roadie, and to help us party hard.
The gig was in the function room at Guernsey hockey club, we went on first and it went OK. A band from Guernsey played, I think they were called Mechanical Lobster. By now I'd started to realize that Guernsey was like Jersey, only even more weird – a bit difficult to put into words, maybe a bit like Royston Vasey... Even friends who had lived in Jersey for a long time reckoned Guernsey was weird.
Anyway, the headline band went on and rocked out but the kids all suddenly went totally apeshit – it was like they'd all been electrocuted at the same time – I was a bit unprepared for the way they'd so enthusiastically reacted to the guys from the UK, stage diving, full on body slamming and so on.
After the gig, Mark snuck off for a cheeky smoke with the locals and we didn't see him again until the Sunday lunchtime back in Jersey. He had managed to get back to the hotel, fall asleep in a random room and missed the flight we all took back to Jersey. Fortunately the airport staff were cool and let him take a later flight. Lots of other shenanigans that weekend; bed wetting, snare drums on luggage carousels, conversations about smegma, and debates on optimum bath temperature for improved fertility. Ahh, Guernsey!
What's the spot in your area known for being the weirdest or having the wildest live shows? Fill us in via the comments section below!
Vocalist Tom of Rochester-based outfit Allfather hits us up with a new Pit Story today, which actually turns out to be a rendition of all the craziest things the band has seen at a live show.
From Greg Puciato's infamous on-stage defecation in '02 to a less-than-genius metal fan breaking his legs, here's a run down of some of the most ridiculous things you'll see while moshing out a metal show:
What's the wildest thing we've seen in the pit? Well, between the five of us, we seem to have witnessed everything from permanent facial scarring to full bowel evacuation.
To begin with, Joe (rhythm guitar) was at Slipknot show at the old Astoria in London and someone jumped off the balcony into the pit, I saw the same thing at an Offspring show at Brixton Academy (way higher balcony). Joe also saw someone climb one of the huge tent poles whilst watching Arch Enemy at Download and then jump off. Dude broke both legs but apparently came back the next day to see Slayer.
Both Joe and I were at the Reading Festival and when Dillinger Escape Plan opened the main stage and Greg Puciato took a huge dump onstage, smeared his shirt with it and then threw the shirt into the pit. Alan (lead guitar) saw a guy get run over by his own wheelchair a Gallows show and finally Kieron (drums) saw a front man at a hardcore show throw a chair into the pit and hit a girl, scarring her.
Be careful in the pit kids!
The time has come for another Pit Story straight from the heart of the metal scene! This week's story comes courtesy of Entheos (the new band featuring Evan Brewer and Navene Koperweis).
Drummer Navene Koperweis had this tale from the pit to share about that one guy who keeps the mosh going, no matter what the circumstances:
When My old band was on tour with Napalm Death, there was an epic beat in Denver, Colorado. There was this one dude owning the pit who very primal and animated. We decided to go up on the balcony to see what would happen if we poured a bottle of water on him. Turns out he loved it! He thrived off it and continued to be the number 1 pitter! Props to this guy!
Are you that guy at your local shows? Share your story of the one mosher who just won't stop in the comments below!
The new Entheos album "The Infinite Nothing" is slated to drop April 1st, 2016 via Artery Recordings, with several advance tracks already up for streaming. You can pre-order the release over here. More...
Following last week's hilarious invasion of the him-hers, today we actually return to the pit proper with a tale of moshing mayhem.
This week's story comes courtesy of the long-running American Head Charge, and it digs way back in time to an early U.S. tour from Slipknot. Anyone else who was at this show should be sure to give us a shoutout and let us know if you saw this in the comments!
American Head Charge tells the tale of venue destruction like this:
We opened up for Slipknot on their first show of their first headline tour at First Ave in Minniapolis MN. Our pit was mental. During the Slipknot show their pit was going full force. Sid stage dives and rides the pit house left to the bar. He jumps behind the bar and proceeds to destroy a brand new 4000 dollar imported Italian espresso machine. Less that cash at the end of the night and infuriating the clun, the Slipknot gig was a success. All the fans were online the next day comparing battle scars. The pit was gnarly.
The new American Head Charge album "Tango Umbrella" will be released on March 25th, 2016 via Napalm Records. Check out a teaser clip featuring snippets off all the album's tracks below, and you can also catch AHC live on an extensive U.S. tour this coming May and June. More...
Ready for yet another bout of Pit Story madness my fellow metal heads?
This week we've got a truly bizarre one that leaves the pit behind and focuses on band antics at the hotel room after the show, in which U.S. group Rapheumets Well gets some serious culture shock and a crash course in trans pride.
In typical metal fashion, things get taken perhaps a smidge too far. The symphonic extreme metal outfit's drummer Joshua Ward tells the tale like this:
So, members of Rapheumets Well were accompanying the band Behind The Veil to a show in the Ashville area of North Carolina. Now you got to picture that we are all very southern males with little to no exposure to the pride parades that Ashville is known for. It is to note, we are far from prejudice and we accept anyone for their sexual preferences being gay or straight, or what-ever percentage of gay to strait ratio can exist. You can make love to a duck for all we care. But you can say, we we just not ready for the “He-her” or the “Sheman,” Man in girl, whatever you can use to define the characters in our midnight saga.
So we are hanging off the balcony at a hotel and from the distance, our honkey eyes believe we are seeing women, flaunting about, twirling their batons, giggling and frolicking about, and for some reason that we have not discovered in our life’s journey yet…. other people on leashes. I’m sure it was our testosterone and possible lead poisoning from drinking from mountain spring water that lead us to the conclusion that these were women of mating age, doing things that seem appropriate for the other gender to want to mate …upon. Well the guitarist is yelling from the balcony “come on up girls” while one of two of us is considering the entertaining the question “are these she-men on leashes” as reality TV usually instills hints to these questions. But, what the hell. There had to be 20 plus people.
As they began to get closer, some of us who were NOT drinking began to contemplate back to high-school health class, “hmm, adams apple also known as the thyroid cartilage = the male gender” but the majority of us must have failed that class. From the pits of the stair well behold, in front us stood a 6 foot three, broad jawed, two hundred and fifty pound bench-pressing loaf of a man. Though in our defense, he was wearing a mini skirt over some leggings, a blond wig, and was accompanied by a man wielding a leash who also wore clothing which possessed ornaments known as “Bedazzled” and glitter.
If I had more time, I would explain to you how we used this awkward scenario to our benefit. Friends, who passed out first, became celebrities or victims to our cameras. We engaged in conversation which would reveal the craziest sexual things we have ever heard. I did not even know you can fit a lava lamp in some of the bodies cavities as expressed by the Him-Her. It was southern cultural anthropology at its finest. Unfortunately, some of them were chased off with chairs due to a un-diagnosed case of transphobia. But it was none the less, educational, AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!! …I guess.
Rapheumets Well's upcoming album "The Exile" is due out March 18th, 2016 through Test Your Metal Records. Check out a lyric video below for "Resurrecting The Blood God," and you can also hear new track "Witch Of Dark Spire" at this location. More...
Tuesday has arrived, so its time for another pit story culled from the wild world of heavy metal shows! Today we've got a tale from Texas shoegaze black metal outfit Krigsgrav about a truly crazy night to remember. Drummer David Sikora tells the story like this:
Myself and Corey, our lead guitarist, were both at a show in a pretty large venue back in maybe 2000 or 2001 which featured Morbid Angel, Soulfly, and Nothingface in Dallas. I didn't even know Corey back then, but we discovered years later that we were at the same place! It was my first concert, and is still the craziest one I've ever seen.
Everywhere you looked, there were people smoking out, ripping their clothes off, lighting them on fire, and throwing them into the pit area. I saw a bodybuilder go into the pit and then walk out seconds later holding his own bloodied face after being nailed by an elbow. And at one point while Max Cavalera was on his knees rocking out on stage, someone took their boot off of their own foot and heaved it at him, striking him right square in the face and leaving him stunned for a good 10-15 seconds before he shook it off and continued playing. Haha!
The venue was at capacity, and there were barriers keeping out other people who were hoping to get in, and then towards the end of the show, people essentially overpowered the security team and pushed through the barriers and I'd say an extra 200 people came flooding into the venue and security guards were going crazy. Truly a wild one to remember!
It's Pit Story time yet again metal heads!
This one has a simple moral: don't be a dick at shows! Giant Of The Mountain tells the story like this:
You see a lot of interesting things when you’re out on the road and one of those crazy things that topped the charts for us happened at a show in Santa Cruz, CA. It was a packed venue and all the bands had been amazing that night. By the time the last band went on, their front man was pretty toasty, and not in the happy fun way. He spent a good amount of time complaining and bitching at a sound guy that was doing everything he could to make it a good night for everyone.
Then it got to the point where the front man walked off stage in the middle of their set only to have his girl talk him back into getting on stage and performing. By this time the venue had emptied out a little bit, but there were a few people who hung around. During one of their songs, their scrawny singer decides to grab his water bottle and squirt the entire thing all over this huge dude who clearly lived at the gym. Much to everyone’s delight, he was promptly yanked off stage and punched in the face a few good times.
The entire venue went completely quiet except for the vocalist moaning and bleeding from his now broken nose while his girl freaked out. It was super hilarious and well deserved at that point. I almost started a slow clap, but I was a visitor and the rest of the night had been great, so I decided to be respectful. Moral of the story: Don’t be a dick.
The Dallas, Texas group Giant Of The Mountain is now working on a new release to follow 2014's "Moon Worship." The band will also be hitting the road for an east coast tour this coming April, with date and venue info available at Facebook here. While waiting for new material, check out a song off "Moon Worship" below. More...
There's less nudity and fecal matter this time around, but the story isn't any less crazy as Necronomicon vocalist Rob The Witch shares a cautionary tale about retaliation: it never goes the way you think it will.
Due to a case of mistaken identity, the band ended up with a useless RV that had to be scrapped following a North American tour. Rob had this to say:
We were on a U.S. / Canadian tour (not the latest one) and when we arrived in San Francisco everything was looking like a regular day at the job, you know, load in the gear installing the merch booth, setting the dressing room and of course verifying our RV to be sure everything is in order.
All was perfect and the show was rumbling with a crazy crowd. After performing we went to the merch section and talked with the fans, signed autographs and took pictures. So far all good and nothing special.
Then after we loaded out and hit the road my drummer told me there’s a was a weird stain on the side of the RV. Like something splashed around the back part on driver side. We didn't pay too much attention saying ‘’you know its a big city a lot of stupid stuff happen’’ ...yeah right.
While driving in the night we started to have engine problems and going up in the mountains on our way to Lake Tahoe the RV was backfiring 2 meter flames out of the exhaust pipes, like artillery shots. Trust me it was loud as fuck in the night with the echo of the valley and mountains.
We soon realized that someone added something to our gas tank, and from there the real shit started. We lost our LA show in that run due to the fact that we had to stop so many times to drain the tank again and again. We arrived at the Whiskey a GO GO 5 mins after the beginning of OUR time on the tour schedule. We had to deal with that for the rest of the entire tour, all the way up to Canada.
2 weeks later we received some details telling us we were victim of an error. The day of the show in San Francisco, one guy from another band with us on that tour got into a fist fight with someone from the production at the venue. Thinking our RV belonged to the other band, someone added some powder cement to our tank.
We did receive a form of apologies, without being given the name of the person who did that, but it was done and we haven't been able to rescue the RV, too many problems happened as a result of that and we had to dump it during the next tour. But that is another story.
Necronomicon's new single "Unification of Four Pillars" can be heard below, taken off upcoming album "Advent of The Human God." The album is due out through Season of Mist (Europe March 18th / North America March 25th) and pre-orders are up now at this location. More...
Oh guys, we've got a doozy of a Pit Story for you today!
This one's got it all: unwanted fecal matter, a dude too drunk to realize he shouldn't be naked, and an, er... "half mast" salute to Behemoth at Bloodstock Open Air.
Whether for good or ill, there's also video of the whole debacle below, if you've got the courage to give it a view.
This week's tale comes courtesy of Barnes, the guitarist / saxophone player from Welsh death metal band Intensive Square, who had this to say about witnessing something that can never be un-seen:
Undoubtedly the craziest thing I have seen inside or outside of a venue, would have to be during Behemoth's headline set on Saturday 11th August 2012, at Bloodstock Open Air Festival in Derbyshire. I'll set the scene: there was a huge boisterous rabble of our friends that went to the festival together and we spent the majority of that day drinking at our campsite. As the night drew in, we made our way into the festival area to catch Behemoth's set. In the mania of his inebriation, our good friend (who, for the purposes of this tale, we'll call Tony) repeatedly proclaimed that right at that moment Behemoth were "the greatest living metal band." When we reached the main stage, the band were already in full swing amidst a stage laden with Satanic artifacts and spewing pyrotechnics into the night sky.
Once we had weaved through the crowd and got as close to the stage as we were going to, the band began to play "Chant For Eschaton 2000." Tony went ballistic: "Fuck, boys! This is fucking insane! Behemoth is my favourite fucking band, boys!" and then he started to undress. Pissed beyond reason, mesmerized, and now completely naked, Tony bent over to pick up his red cap and simultaneously evacuated an unintentional morsel of shit from his bowel at the centre of a slowly widening circle of strangers; the festering eye of an uncomfortable storm.
"Boys, you've got to get me up there" he implored. Once our friends Andrew and Jamie had volunteered to raise him on their shoulders, Tony glanced down at his disappointing penis and realised that his general had been demoted to the rank of cadet and that he was not fit for the parade. He scoured the immediate crowd in search of a handjob, seeking to "make it a bit bigger," but upon realising that no help was at hand, he set about the task himself.
As Chant for Eschaton 2000 reached its climax, Tony was treacherously hoisted upwards until he was standing erect above the crowd, still pumping his fist in a futile bid to cajole his limp penis into following suit. He soon realised that this was a thankless task and gave up. Steadying himself with one hand, he slowly raised the other and formed an exultant horn as he shared the perplexed gazes of guitarists Seth and Nergal.
I know you might reconcile this as a fantastical myth, too implausible to have really happened, but luckily you don't have to take my word for it. Just check out the video below and skip to 49:20 where you can see the evidence for yourself as broadcast live on the official Bloodstock coverage of the festival.
Intensive Square's debut album "Anything That Moves" is out now on Black Bow Records on vinyl. For more info on the band, head over to Facebook here.
Every week we check in with metal bands from across the globe to get their most memorable stories from live performances.
Back in November, Swedish group Horisont gave us a great story about the wrong guy getting punched at a show, and this week the band returns to share a very different tale.
Today Horisont drummer Pontus Jordan relays this recollection about the trials and tribulations of being on the road getting to the next gig:
We did a tour back in 2012 with our mates Graveyard and on this tour we decided to keep a low budget and therefor got a camper to travel around in. This might sound like a cosy option but Europe during wintertime is a bit too cold we found out. After a show in Brussels we had come to the conclusion that we had to drive a couple of hours during the night to make in time to the gig the day after. Magnus our bass player got the honour to be the driver.
Packing out the rest of us got a bit drunk and one of us accidentally put one of the merch boxes in a pile of dog shit! Then another took that box and placed it on Magnus bed. That smell haha!! So not only was he driving for 4-5 hours in the middle of the night, he was looking forward to going to sleep in a cold bed with shit stains on it! I`ve known Magnus for many years and I have never seen his face so tired and his eyes so lifeless! I was really trying to be helpful and good mate but it`s hard not laugh.
Big of moustache and tight of trouser, Horisont's latest album "Odyssey" came out back in September. See the band performing the title track live in Vienna below. More...
We've all got that one venue or record shop we fondly recall from back in a time when people bought music and mallcore wasn't a thing.
For this week's Pit Story, vocalist Dan Cleary of Striker not only reminisces fondly about one such mythical place, but also shares a tale of the amazing healing power of beer below. Photo courtesy of Dana Zuk.
A long time ago here in Edmonton we had this awesome venue/record store/screen printing place. We played some of our first shows ever there in the back of the Quonset Hut that was “Octopus Ink.” We used to go there and buy bullet belts (before they were being sold at the mall for posers) and rare vinyl like the $140 “Projects In The Jungle” by Pantera hanging up on the wall that none of us ever wanted to cough up the money for.
One night in particular things were getting a little rowdier than normal. We were about half way through our set and the pit in this tiny back room was getting intense. As usual everyone was good and drunk, there was always a lot of tailgating outside the place because it wasn't exactly... lets say... a "secure" venue. So the song kicks in, a fast one (can't remember which) and I watch in amazement as this short haired borderline black out drunk kid gets literally knocked the fuck out by some big league moshing.
Looking back at it maybe we should have stopped the song and made sure he was OK, but luckily for us there was a doctor in the room. A doctor who proceeded to lift this poor kid up, his eyes half shut clearly concussed, and pour beer down his throat. We thought for sure we were witnessing the final moments of a thrash youth, but to our surprise he sprung back to life and continued to mosh, albeit a little slower than before.
That's the first and only time I've seen someone get straight up knocked unconscious in a pit, and it turns out like everything else, beer is the answer.
Our quest for the best pit stories from metal shows marches on! In recent weeks we've heard about the glory of seeing your favorite band live for the first time, gotten a look at the bizarre things fans do at shows, and even got a story about mistaken identity resulting in the wrong guy getting punched.
This week we've got Illinois-based prog outfit Dissona discussing some unexpected brutality at Blind Guardian shows. The band had this to say:
Craig and David have been to multiple Blind Guardian shows together. Now, Blind Guardian is not exactly the band you would think of when you think of the glorious violence of the pit, but for each show Craig and David were positioned up against the front rail, getting pressed and smashed by the pit behind them. They had crowd surfers soar over their heads; sometimes directly into their heads.
Probably the closest we had come to broken ribs and concussions, but it was always well worth the pain. Occasionally, we would turn around and each time we would notice that nearly every person moshing was also simultaneously singing the words, chants, and guitar melodies perfectly. Quite a feeling of unity. Call us nerds for having the best pit be at a power metal show, but it’s the truth. We go to extreme metal shows, too, (gotta save our credibility somehow, right?) but in those cases we are more interested in the music than the pit.
The Chicago-based progressive metal band's third full-length album "Paleopneumatic" will be released January 15th, 2016 and two tracks from that impending album can be heard below. For more info on the band, head over to the Dissona Facebook profile here. More...
Ready for some more Pit Stories chronicling the ups and downs of life in a metal band? Today we have a tale from Norwegian hard rock band The Carburetors (featuring former Chrome Division member Eddie Guz) about the expectation of playing a huge venue only to realize as you arrive it's a single room bar with no space for your equipment!
On the first Carburetors tour out of Norway back in 2001, we tour Spain and we did two shows in Madrid. The first night we played a small club called the honky-tonk. As we arrived on the club the first thing that hit us was that the drum kit was a junior edition (in other words very small). The guitar amps I think was called Smervod and god knows where they where from…
Anyway the gig went well pretty cool crowded. The next day we where going to play the Rock Palace in Madrid. I remember picturing it as this great big venue…. when we arrived it struck me that the club was a tiny bar but I still had my hope up so I asked the promoter "alright cool is the stage in the next room?" He answer me harsh "NO THERE IS ONLY ONE ROOM…"
Ok, I still had my spirit up and asked are we gonna put up a stage along side the wall? His answer was short: "NO YOU STAND ON THE FLOOR IN THE CORNER BOTH GLUECIFER AND TURBONEGRO HAVE DONE THE SAME." He he. We did the show but Kai Kidd set the roof on fire when fire-breathing during the show, Chris broke two sets of drums and Eddie blew out both of his monitors but it was a cool gig.
For those readers who are in a band, let us know your best story of arriving at a venue and discovering things weren't quite as you expected in the comments below!
The Carburetors' new album "Laughing In The Face Of Death" is out now via SPV/Steamhammer. Check out a video below taken off the album and featuring Shagrath from Dimmu Borgir. More...