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The Rockstar Ramblings: Ozzy vs. Jesus

Photo of Guns N Roses

Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

Slash (ex-Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver) will be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A compliment to his body of work, but backhanded at best given he is part of a list that includes Ed O’Neil (Al Bundy) and Neil Patrick-Harris (Doogie Howser)…

During a recent performance of “Another Piece of Meat”, The Scorpions were joined by Vince Neil (Motley Crue), the lead singer that recently covered the song for his new album titled Tattoos and Tequila. In the footage we see Neil back in his ’93 Hawaiian shirt rocking with the band. Will we see the Vince Neil cheesy visor years part 2? Stay tuned…

Duff McKagan (ex-Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver, Loaded) is putting to rest the rumors that he will become a permanent member of alternative band Jane’s Addiction. Duff goes on to say that you can’t listen to rumors regardless of the source. Reminds me of the rumors regarding potential new Velvet Revolver singers, let’s see, where did this come from? I remember a blond bass player that writes a financial column and is a frequent contributor to Playboy. Name is on the tip of my tongue...

On Good Morning American the world got a chance to finally see Bret Michaels (Poison) and Miley Cyrus sing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”. Searching for statutory rape joke..searching..oh wait, she’s seventeen? Now all I hear is Kip Winger in my ear “She’s only seventeen…that’s old enough for me”. Go for it Bret! I would love to see a Bret Michaels vs. Billy Ray Cyrus celebrity boxing match...

Sammy Hagar (ex-Van Halen, Chickenfoot) has announced he is working on an autobiography. Taking a stab at potential chapters..The Early Years: My first sip of tequila, Unable to Drive 55 (and drink tequila), Celebrating the Van Halen Years While Drinking Tequila, Drinking Tequila to Forget Van Halen, and Why You Should Buy My Brand of Tequila…

Drummer Tommy Lee (Motley Crue, Methods of Mayhem) will star in an episode of “Californication” where he will have a confrontational encounter at a hotel bar with Hank (David Duchovny). No word on whether this is based on reality, or based on reality…

For the shoppers out there, guess the hottest rock and roll accessory? Of course it’s Bret Michaels cowboy hat (with the black cross) worn during Celebrity Apprentice. Finally an accessory with staying power not like previous fads that included the leggings worn by Jon Bon Jovi (Bon Jovi) in the video for “Runaway”, Josh Todd’s (Buckcherry) silk scarf collection, or the pink panties worn by David Lee Roth on the outside of his spandex during the Eat’em and Smile days…

WWE Raw will have Rob Zombie (White Zombie) as guest host this year. Expect in depth commentary on how the pile driver influenced the song “More Human Than Human” as well as going old school, surprising viewers to learn that Jake “The Snake” Roberts and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan was the inspiration for “Electric Head, Pt 2”…

Roses & Thorns, Bret Michaels new autobiography scheduled to be released later this year, is confirmed to have new chapters added that will include titles: The Appendectomy, The Brain Hemorrhage, Celebrity Apprentice, and The Cowboy Hat…

Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) will have a cameo appearance as a cartoon character on the popular SpongeBob Squarepants show. Am I the only one thinking Bach may not be mature enough for this role?...

In an interview this week Jani Lane (ex-Warrant) confessed to being in a grocery store and being called “Cherry Pie Guy”. This is really no surprise in itself (he is after all Cherry Pie Guy); however, picturing these rockers pushing a cart through their local grocery stores back in the eighties. David Lee Roth: Bottle of whiskey and a box of donuts; Nikki Sixx: Several boxes of tin foil and several packs of Bic lighters; Sebastian Bach: A cart of popsicles…

Order Vince Neil’s Tattoos & Tequila album through his website and you will receive a Deluxe Package that includes the CD, T-shirt, and other memorabilia that includes a flask to carry your tequila in. Take that Sammy Hagar…

Never one to run from controversy, Ozzy Osbourne has been called out for song that discusses Jesus, asking the question of if not now (given the state of the world), then when will he return? More on my take of the end of world later, but for now, I think it’s time for some good clean fun, breaking down Ozzy Osbourne vs. Jesus in showdown format:

BIRTH Ozzy: Born in England to a “toolmaker”, Jesus: The child of the Virgin Mary. Advantage: Jesus

FOLLOWING Jesus: Christians around the world, Ozzy: Metal & Reality fans of multiple genres. Advantage: Draw

LONGEVITY Ozzy: Still going (a self proclaimed medical mystery), Jesus: Passed away in his prime. Advantage: Ozzy

MEDIA: Jesus: The Bible, Ozzy: Conqueror of music, television, and print media. Advantage: Ozzy

DEFINING MOMENTS: Ozzy: Biting the head off a bat; urinating on stage, Jesus: Performing miracles. Advantage: Jesus

OVERALL: In a nail biter to the finish, let’s stay safe on this one and call this a draw…

As we reach one year since the death of Michael Jackson, Slash in a recent interview mentioned that he hoped ‘Jacko’ would have been one of the singers on his recent solo CD. This would have potentially opened the door for a follow-up including Lionel Ritchie, Billy Ocean, and the answer to WHEN IS THE END OF THE WORLD COMING, a shirtless Slash and shirtless Bobby Brown collaboration…

Rockstar_Scribbler's avatar

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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2 Comments on "The Rockstar Ramblings: Ozzy vs. Jesus"

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Billy_Barbi's avatar

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1. Billy_Barbi writes:

haha hilarious Ozzy vs Jesus ozzy would soooo winn!

# Jul 6, 2010 @ 10:15 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
brandedcfh420's avatar

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2. brandedcfh420 writes:

Why is ti a backhand being on the same list as al bundy!?!?!?!?!

NO MAAM = THE GREATEST ORGANIZATION EVER CREATED!!! wuhahahahahahahaha!!!

# Jul 6, 2010 @ 10:34 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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