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The Rockstar Ramblings: Spring is Officially Here

Photo of Guns N Roses

Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

Jani Lane (Warrant) has been arrested again on suspicion of DUI. Is it Spring already?...

Starring on VH1’s new special “UNDATEABLE: Top 100 things guys do that guarantee they won’t be dating or having sex” is Dee Snider (Twisted Sister) and Bret Michaels (Poison). They will also be sharing the stage with hip hop legend Sir Mix a Lot who is responsible for Reason #32: Don’t write a song about big asses…

Strange timing surrounds the release of Bret Michael’s new single, “Wasted Time,” a dark song about running out of time as well as other life clichés. In related news, Jani Lane is releasing a new version of his hit ballad “I Saw Red” titled “I Saw Red Lights”. What, too soon?...

A woman, claiming to be married to David Lee Roth (Van Halen) is seeking a divorce, and has been for four years. This story sounds like the woman is crazy, but let’s imagine it is 1986, just off the Las Vegas Strip. Roth’s eyes are blurred from a night of partying, Diamond Dave is sitting at a Denny’s and there is music in the background that may be live or just the lingering effect of the loud guitars from the evening. Several plates of stacked pancakes sit in front of Roth. He is yelling out “More flapjacks!” At multiple points into the early morning he is standing on the booth (you always go for the booth at Denny’s) his new wife whom he just married at The Little White Wedding Chapel and other groupies are in constant movement, often coming in and out of the revolving bathroom door to “powder their noses.” His waitress continues bringing plates of pancakes. There are bottles of Heineken beer covering the open spaces on the table (in between the plates of pancakes). The waitress stops for a moment, David Lee Roth screams, “More flapjacks!” The next morning, despite the lingering taste of bacon, whiskey, and pancakes, nothing is remembered…

This week’s Kiss VIP cross-merchandising moment goes to Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil (Motley Crue), Neil will be a guest on Nikki’s radio show Sixx Sense…

In a recent interview, Slash (Guns N Roses, Velvet Revolver) said he doesn’t expect nor want a movie based on his autobiography, titled Slash. This is too bad because I’ve got an idea that would be box office gold. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with Mark Wahlberg (he had his shot at playing an eighties rocker and failed), but rather the cast from Saved By The Bell. Just hear me out. Based on hair alone, we cast Dustin Diamond (Screech) as Slash. Of course there would be a clause that he has to wear Zumbas pajama pants in at least three scenes, with the top hat. Next Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) gets a makeover for the role of his lifetime as Axl Rose. Mario Lopez (A.C. Slater) may play a better Slash (based on complexion and physique), but in my production he plays Duff. Already heard enough? Well, what if I promise Elizabeth Berkeley (Jessie Spano) is going to play Slash’s girlfriend through the movie and promises to give us a Striptease type performance. To purchase tickets you can go to http://www.fandango.com...

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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