The Rockstar Ramblings: Revolver Awards Diary
Band Photo: Ozzy Osbourne (?)
The past weekend VH1 Classic showcased the Revolver Golden Gods Awards show (taped from April 9th), an annual show of hard rock and heavy metal awards chosen by the readers of the rock magazine, Revolver. You can catch reruns of this event twice daily, for the next eighteen months.
Once I heard Ozzy Osbourne would be there, well, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tune in and document, running diary style.
:01 Zakk Wylde kicks off the show playing the “Star Spangled Banner”. A kick-ass start and tribute even if this particular song probably wasn’t intended to be played on a coffin shaped guitar.
:05 We learn Chris Jericho and Andrew W.K. are the hosts of the show. The next two minutes entail a cheesy sketch that leaves even the casual observer squirming in their seats. You find yourself uncomfortable and asking for this time back. Let’s hope these guys won’t have to carry the show and do any heavy lifting.
:06 The show kicks off and thankfully VH1 realizes Chris and Andrew may not be able to pull this off so they send in Rob Halford (Judas Priest) with them. I’m not even sure if the show would have started if he hadn’t come out, just a lot of people standing around, waiting for the REAL show…
:09 The first live performance is Slash with Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) on drums and Lemmy on vocals singing, YES, “Ace of Spades”! New rule: Going forward, this song must be played at all awards shows.
:13 Ozzy Osbourne is up next. There were ten years (the nineties) where Ozzy aged drastically, but is it just me, or did Ozzy stop aging after 2000? Anyway, Ozzy says a few words (unable to understand) and presents Rob Halford an award (unable to understand what the award was for). I would have liked to see Revolver spring for better looking girls bringing out the awards. Even Ozzy snuck a peek and shook his head. You just have to love Ozzy!
:16 Presenting Best Vocalist, Jerry Cantrell of Alice In Chains. A bitter-sweet moment as we see Ronnie James Dio accept the award. Taped in April, this was one of Dio’s last public appearances; Revolver dedicated the show to him. Also, it appears Ronnie got a slightly hotter girl than Rob Halford, or is it the same girl and she is getting hotter as the night goes on? I’m not even drinking! Okay, that’s a lie.
:20 Commercial Recap: I’m just not sure the Geiko Gekko and L’Oreal are hitting their target markets during this show. Here comes Pizza Hut, now we’re on track. By the way, is it just me or does everyone love the Dos Equis “Stay Thirsty My Friends” guy?
:23 Presenting Best Underground Album is Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper. Sadly Alice did not bring his cane with him. And the award goes to…The Dillinger Escape Plan, the acceptance speech goes “I don’t know what this means, but it is cool, and you’re cool”. The only item left out was “Thank you Spin magazine!”
:30 Kerry King (Slayer) presents the Best Guitarist award to Zakk Wylde. A deserving pick-up among fellow nominees Dave Mustaine (Megadeth), Slash (Velvet Revolver, ex-Guns N Roses, Kirk Hammett (Metallica), Tony Iommi (Heaven & Hell), and Tom Morello.
:37 Dave Grohl presents Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead) with a Lifetime Achievement Award. I’ve never been a big fan of these types of awards, would have been nice to see Grohl call an audible and say “Fuck it, this next award goes to the coolest fucking cowboy hat in the room. Lemmy, where the fuck are you!”
:40 Brian Posehn’s All-Star band (that includes Scott Ian of Anthrax) plays next. I have no idea what I am watching.
:45 History is almost made. First a commercial for Taco Bell, then Ortega Taco mix, and then OH NO, just missed an Old El Paso commercial for the ultimate Taco Commercial Trifecta. Instead, another L’Oreal commercial is played. Oh well, I guess I won’t be crossing that one off the bucket list quite yet.
:48 Eddie Trunk (That Metal Show) and friends present Album of the Year to Alice In Chains who are very gracious, even taking a moment to remember Layne Staley, and thank their fans. It was the opposite of The Dillinger Escape Plan speech.
:53 Rob Zombie (White Zombie) plays his songs “Dragula” and “Thunder Kiss 65” to end the show. Impressive given the metal-celebrity factor on hand that Zombie gets to play two songs. This is what happens when you hang out with Alice Cooper, with, or without the cane…
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