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Archive: The Rockstar Ramblings Columns

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Friday Five

This week a look at five new videos; a mix of older and new bands, some videos good and some not so good. At least two, maybe three are exotic dancer friendly and one appears to pay tribute to Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive.” More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: “Shake That Pussy”

Sometimes these things just fall into your lap. Uh, yes, pun intended. If you would have told me that Captain Zapped would release a song AND video for a song titled “Shake That Pussy” I would have told you to stop yanking my chain (again, yes) and then I would go directly to YouTube and check it out. Here’s my running diary… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Van Halen Top 5 Videos

This week brought the first single and video from the new Van Halen album. Not only do we get David Lee Roth back, but also Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang, instead of Michael Anthony. There’s a lesson here kids. ANYWAY, the new video is “Tattoo” and the reviews have varied from “It’s good to hear Dave’s voice again” to “How many years did I have to wait for this shit!” Does the new video hold up to the vintage Van Halen videos? The old VH videos showcased a band with a sense of humor, keeping the balance between the song and having a good time. This week a look at some classic Van Halen videos before we dive into the new video… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Jean Jackets and Fishnets

Happy New Year! Let’s kick it off with a couple of new bands paying homage to the glam metal of the eighties. First up is New York’s Nasty Habit. Their video “Saturday Night” is from their recently released EP. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Guns N’ Roses Top 25

The story that won’t go away, NOT Guns N’ Roses elected to the rock and roll hall of fame, but will they reunite to accept the honor? Despite recent reports, this is HIGHLY unlikely. Here’s one person’s list of the top 25 GNR songs to date. As in the past, note that although personal opinion was weighted heavily, I also took into account popularity, videos, etc… Since there were overall too many honorable mentions I won’t list them; however, I will say that from Chinese Democracy the songs Better, I.R.S., and Sorry were all close to cracking the top 25. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Twas the night before…

The date: December 24, 1988
Location: Southern California

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the rock world
Not a guitar was sounding, not even a chord.
The bandanas were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that even more bandanas soon would be there.

The groupies were passed out, all snug in their beds,
With visions of DIO, dancing in their heads.
And Axl wearing his boxers, and Slash in his cap,
Had just settled their lawsuits, shot up, and decided to nap.

When out on the tour bus there arose such a clatter,
Bret Michaels sprang from his bed of whores to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
There he saw one of his whores, running away with his cash. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Video Heaven, part II

This week we travel from Russia to Brazil and take a look at some new videos recently released. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Crue Top 25

News spread fast regarding Motley Crue becoming the first hard rock band to take up residency in Las Vegas. It was announced that starting in February the band will be playing nightly shows at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. In light of this semi-groundbreaking news a look (IMO) of the top 25 Crue songs to date. Note that although personal opinion was weighted heavily, I also took into account popularity, videos, etc… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Nasty Reputation

This week a look at a new video from Canadian rockers, Reverse Grip. They have released a new video for “Nasty Reputation”, a track from their new four-song EP. Reverse Grip is a hard rock band formed by the three Broda brothers (Sean, Dru and Dylan) with a mission to bring back true rock n' roll. WARNING: The following video contains drinking and lots of cow bell. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Talk Dirty To Me

Over the past few weeks the band Kid Rocker has filed lawsuit against the band Poison for allegedly stealing songs originally written by Kid Rocker (band was broke up and presented the songs to C.C. as members of the band Screamin’ Mimis). Video (at the bottom) has surfaced, showing the bands riff for what would later become an alleged Poison hit. My opinion: given this alleged theft occurred over 20 years ago I find the timing suspicious. No word yet as to why wait until now to bring the lawsuit. The songs include “Talk Dirty to Me”, “Fallen Angel”, and “I Won’t Forget You.” What a perfect time to celebrate the video for “Talk Dirty to Me”; a made for MTV spectacle that started it all for the glam conglomerate we would come to know as Poison. Full Disclaimer: I was twelve and a big fan of this video when it came out. Did it shape my life in any way? Still working through this twice a week in therapy. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Axl Rose Interview

Last Friday Axl Rose (Guns N’ Roses) sat down with the crew from VH1’s That Metal Show and discussed lawsuits, Chinese Democracy, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Of course there was not enough time to ask ALL the questions. After some dumpster diving behind Miami’s American Airlines arena we found the rest of the questions that never got asked. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Last Vegas Slashed

The Last Vegas are Chicago area rockers best known for being Guitar Center’s On Stage contest winners (prize was touring with Motley Crue), and their last album “Whatever Gets You Off,” which was produced by DJ Ashba (Guns N’ Roses), Marti Frederiksen, and Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue, SIXX:A.M.). While their fans await the follow-up to their last album, the band has released a new music video for a song titled “The Other Side.”

Starring in the video is B-Movie star, Sybil Danning, who has starred in Rob Zombie’s (White Zombie) “Halloween” and “Howling II.” Fun Fact: Sybil appeared on the cover of the 1983 August issue of Playboy. Joining Danning in the video is The Last Vegas, consisting of Chad Cherry (vocals), John Wator (guitar), Adam Arling (guitar), Danny Smash (bass), and Nate Arling (drums).

The stage is set for the horror genre by the “normal every day” setting of a house in suburbia. Sybil is sitting on the couch. The band is in the house, spread around the living room. Cherry is sitting next to Danning on the couch. Given the “low budget horror” aspirations of this video, it makes sense that Danny Smash was not allowed a drum set, instead forced to bang out the beat on his knees.

It’s uncomfortable on the couch as Sybil just sits and stares (looking worried) while Chad Cherry SCREAMS into her ear the lyrics and chorus to the song. Inches from her ear, Cherry continues to deliver his vocals as Danning becomes concerned. Something is bothering her! It must be dinner time. Has the ham cooked too long? The screaming continues. The look of concern turns worrisome. Cut to the kitchen.

Dinner is served. If you ever wondered how to eat a feast like a rock and roll band this video offers three points: 1. Chug beer out of a glass (need to stay classy Chicago) 2. Always stick knives into the main course. Apparently a stabbing motion is preferred. 3. If you believe you have shoved enough mashed potatoes in your mouth you are probably wrong, there’s always room for more.

With dinner on the table Sybil is no longer worried. No, instead she looks at peace and has a cleaver behind her back. She is all smiles when she approaches Chad Cherry and slashes his throat. Blood splatters all over the kitchen, the band, and Sybil. Next, Danning kisses and caresses Cherry; rubbing his blood all over herself and then dancing. The band is dead at the kitchen table, in a pool of blood as Danning prances around the kitchen. A brief moment of concern returns, and then she remembers. Dessert! She goes to the oven and pulls out a sheet of chocolate cookies, of course, not before a drop of blood falls onto the cookie sheet.

A killer song and video (literally) that teaches us all a lesson: If you insist on screaming in someone’s ear you may get your throat slashed! The more you know…

The Last Vegas - "The Other Side"

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The Rockstar Ramblings: 1981 M/F/K

30 years ago the bands Anthrax, Metallica, Motley Crue, Pantera, Queensryche, and Slayer were formed. It was also the year many important hard rock/heavy metal albums were released, laying the groundwork for the eighties. Here’s a look back at ten of these classic albums in no particular order. Same as the “1986 M/F/K” edition there is a twist as Marry/Fuck/Kill rules apply. It’s as simple as it sounds. M (Marry) is a song you want to “save” and listen to forever, F (Fuck) is the song you get one more listen to and that is it, and K (Kill) is the song you want to go away and never be heard from again. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Video Heaven

The videos keep on coming and this week a special treat as we look at three different bands with unique, yet equally phenomenal videos. This assumes you define phenomenal as I do: Fun and hilarious with no sense of moral ground! More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Sex Slaves vs. Falling Red

This week a look at two recently released videos from Sex Slaves and Falling Red; in a classic showdown I will have to ultimately decide between strippers and blood. Surprisingly, it’s a lot closer than you think.

The first video is from UK rockers, Falling Red. The video is for the song “Come On Down” from the EP “Hasta La Victoria Siempre.” We begin with the 1-2 punch of guitars and the band name, Falling Red, shown on a marquee, and then we’re off with two girls dancing on the stage in lingerie. The song begins with, “Friday night and I’m headed for the show…” then cuts to a seating area that may be a VIP or champagne room, although I doubt the latter because there is too much light. Here we find a girl in red lingerie stripping on a pole. We are 36 seconds in and already have three strippers. For those keeping score at home I don’t need too mention how impressive this is. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: CRASHDIET /Generation Wild

Swedish rockers, Crashdiet (Simon Cruz/vocals, Peter London/bass guitar, Martin Sweet/lead guitar, and Eric Young/drums), are reissuing their 2010 Generation Wild album and will include an extra track named Hollywood Teaze. They have also created a video (see below and note the one stripper pole scene just to make sure you are paying attention) so what a perfect time to look at the first video, the title track from Generation Wild that was deemed too obscene for MTV. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Rock and Roll HOF

Each year the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame releases their nominations and each year (except 2009) this band has not been nominated. This is not a new story, but is an annual migraine once you review the bands elected IN and those that have NOT been elected (or even nominated). MANY rock bands deserve to be in today, but I don’t believe any band has a more solid case. This band has become the Pete Rose of rock and roll minus the gambling. Author Disclaimer: I am a casual fan at best of this band. More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Trifecta

I found it entertaining that one of the reasons Chickenfoot named their second album “III” was to pass by the sophomore slump album and go right to their third. Three great albums in a row is no small feat. This week I (one opinion) take a look at some bands that have successfully accomplished the feat of: The Trifecta! More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Down & Dirty

This week a look at the band Down & Dirty and the release of their first video: “Taste of Rock & Roll”. Based in Chicago, Down & Dirty have released an album by the same name this year. Research on the band quickly turned up two items. First, that the band is relatively new to the scene. Secondly, they have a large number of groupies – already. Why every fourteen year old kid doesn’t teach himself how to play guitar is beyond me. PICK ONE: A. Master’s Degree B. White picket fence C. Groupies. Don’t feel too dirty, most picked the same one as you. Now a look at the video… More...

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The Rockstar Ramblings: Duff McKagan, Writer

Duff McKagan has released an 80 page excerpt of his upcoming autobiography titled It’s So Easy (And Other Lies). For those hesitant to read another “rockography” or are burned out from reading ex-Guns N’ Roses books I’m here to say you may want to give this one a chance. More...

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