The Rockstar Ramblings: The Tour
Band Photo: Motley Crue (?)
This week Kiss (Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Tommy Thayer, Eric Singer) and Motley Crue (Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars, Tommy Lee) announced a summer blockbuster tour that will include both bands. A press conference was held in Los Angeles to announce the event and details.
0:00 If you ever asked the question: What happens when you are a late-night talk show host for TBS and lose your job? George Lopez answers this as he introduces the bands. Are you watching, Conan O’Brien?
1:20 Motley Crue walks onto the stage. To say there is a golf clap isn’t fair. This is a double-bogey splattered golf clap. (NOTE: We never see the audience, but I’m guessing twenty people are there.)
1:30 Lopez introduces Kiss as “The Hottest Band in The Land.” I have no problem with Kiss, but c’mon!
Note: All the members of Kiss are in full make-up, the members of Motley are all wearing sunglasses.
1:35 As Kiss walks onto the stage both bands shake each other’s hands. It’s awkward, the same way it was awkward in High School after rivals played a heated basketball game and had to shake hands.
2:10 Posing for a photo. Vince Neil looks almost a foot shorter than everyone else. This is because a) The members of Kiss are wearing platform boots b) Gene Simmons has lowered the Crue half of the stage c) Neil is doing a Tom Cruise impression
Note: It also appears Mick is being held up. More on this in a moment.
2:59 First question to Vince is a hardball, “Why?” Weak question and Neil’s response is predictable. It takes only two seconds for Vince to drop an F-bomb and three seconds to begin kissing the collective asses of Kiss.
3:46 In a very diplomatic move, Paul Stanley kisses Motley’s ass back.
4:41 Paul Stanley refers to both bands as “Elvis on Steroids!” Mr. Presley just died, again. Thank you, Thank you very much Paul.
5:06 They are referring to this as “The Tour.”
5:19 Mick Mars says something about getting your eye poked out at the show. It is unexpected and hard to hear because he doesn’t have the microphone close to his mouth.
5:45 When asked what to expect from the tour, Tommy Lee provides all the details we need to know, “Can’t mention, expect the unexpected.”
6:02 Paul jokes that this time Tommy’s just going to play one drum and then raise it at the end of the show. Is this part of the deal the Crue made with Kiss?
6:23 Gene makes a joke about Tommy’s sex tape and Lee’s giant penis. Mick Mars makes ANOTHER poke your eye out comment. Anyone else surprised Mars is bringing the levity to this otherwise dull conference?
7:57 Mick is asked about his health condition, he replies, “I don’t care” and states he will play through the pain. Mick Mars is really in that “Lemmy” area of true rock stars. It appears he is in pain and is difficult to move around or stand up.
8:42 Gene is asked whether his reality show will be filmed on the road. He says yes, but others say no, maybe, etc… I think I speak for most when I ask: That show is still on? (Note: I predict a George Lopez cameo in the next season.)
11:40 Paul Stanley (on discussing the audience of their shows), “We want kids!” I hope that response doesn’t come back in a court hearing.
13:42 Nikki confirms that Motley will be opening, both bands doing two 90 minute sets.
16:05 Sorry, dozed off for a couple minutes.
16:54 On words of advice, Paul Stanley says, “double bag it!”
There is another photo and then the two bands leave the stage. I picture all eight of them walking off the stage and all going their separate ways without saying a word. This is the place these bands are today, maybe this tour does make sense.
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