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The Rockstar Ramblings: Steel Panther Poster Ban

Photo of Steel Panther

Band Photo: Steel Panther (?)

Last week the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) banned a promotional poster used by the band Steel Panther. The poster featured a woman with her eyes closed with one hand on her crotch while two silver balls dangled between her legs. A group shot of the band is on the bottom of the poster. The ASA found this “overtly sexual” and “suggestive of an orgasm.” The band has released a statement explaining the 80s retro look and tongue-in-cheek message; however, the ASA ruling stands and use of the poster in public areas has been banned.

Steel Panther's 'Balls Out' Poster

In addition to the poster being found “overtly sexual” and “suggestive of an orgasm” I found three other alleged off-the-record statements from an unreliable source. NOTE: All three alleged statements reference the band picture (located at the bottom of the poster):

#1 “The raising of the fist insinuates a specific activity. We’ve all seen Bang Bros, I mean, we have all heard of Bang Bros, we know!”

#2 “Only three of the four members of the band are wearing bandanas. Is he different? Sexually, I mean. This may be confusing to the public.”

#3 “Is the lead singer aroused? Can we get a ruler, I mean ruling on this?”

Also, according to my unreliable source, the group also looked into their new album title Balls Out, and offered advice to the band on songs they found offensive, or in some cases, didn’t.

(Picture very old men and women sitting around an oak conference room table; located in the center of the table is a CD player that is on and playing Balls Out. Did I mention the men are all wearing blue ties and the women are wearing red scarves wrapped too tightly around their necks? Worth noting. Here are some of the comments taken from this room.)

SUPERSONIC SEX MACHINE
“Anytime machines are introduced to the public in the context of sex we find that the majority of human beings immediately picture robots. Are you comfortable with robots having sex?” …after five minutes of silence passes a man we will call Porter speaks up, “Uh, yes?”

17 GIRLS IN A ROW
“I would feel more comfortable if this was a baker’s dozen, seventeen seems like too many.” Approving nods around the table.

JUST LIKE TIGER WOODS
“I enjoy a nicely pressed red Nike polo shirt as much as the next guy. We should all strive to be like Tiger Woods!” At the far end of the table a man we will call Chip gets too excited, spilling his Latte, “Me Too!” he exclaims.

IT WON’T SUCK ITSELF (featuring Chad Kroeger and Nuno Bettencourt)
“Frankly, we find any collaboration with Chad Kroeger offensive.” Again, approving nods around the table.

GOLD DIGGING WHORE
“Is this a song about rappers’ girlfriends? Let’s play that track again.”

LET ME CUM IN
“OH, I get it!”

WEENIE RIDE
“We’re talking about Dachshund dogs here, right?”

HANDICAPPED SLUT
“No comment.” A phone appears and the group speed dials Steel Panther. “On second thought, do whatever you guys want!”

The members of ASA slowly get up from the table and quietly head to the door.

Rockstar_Scribbler's avatar

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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