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Archive: Just For Funs

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Tower Of Gopal Releases Debut Music Video

Magic Bullet Records has posted the following press release online announcing its latest roster acquisition in Tower Of Gopal.

"After a major bidding war with THE NUMBER ONE INDEPENDENT LABEL IN THE WORLD, Altoona, PA’s TOWER OF GOPAL decided in a shocking last minute move to sign with Magic Bullet Records. Literally nobody, save for band members Dani Dangeresque and Stefan Sikkness, saw this one coming and the industry is surely shaken to its core accordingly. You can follow the insanity/phenomenon by adding THIS PROFILE as soon as humanly possible. For now, Magic Bullet is happy to declare VICTORY in signing TOWER OF GOPAL."

The band's debut music video can be found below.

The signing of Tower Of Gopal and its debut music video is a comedic response to the signing of Design the Skyline by Victory Records, which has since went viral and met a largely negative response from heavy music fans.

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Vegan Black Metal Chef Posts First Episode

The vegan black metal chef has posted his first episode online, detailing how to make Pad Thai the black metal way. You can check out the clip below.

A message from the vegan black metal chef himself about the episode reads as follows:

"This is a complete walkthrough on how to make the best Vegan Pad Thai Ever! I tried to only use ingredients that are easily available. Tamarind paste or soup base is the only odd one in there. It can easily be purchaced at an asian grocery store...but Wal Mart might even have tamarind something. Even Tamarind Nectar will probably work. Just use less or no extra water. You can also substitute some coconut milk for some of the water.

"There will be no 'recipe' given, watch the video to see the amounts, learn the concepts, and give it a try. To me Recipes intimidate people and take away your aspect of creation. They are ok in some respects, I just don't know many people that make things from recipes.

"Btw, all of the armor is rubber, not leather. All music and video is made by the Vegan Black Metal Chef (Brian Manowitz). Enjoy and Make this!"

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Glenn Danzig Good Occultist not Bad Neighbor

Brendan of Filmdrunk.com and Justin Halpern, creator of the popular @ShitMyDadSays Twitter account, had an IM chat that has sparked a flood of news concerning Glenn Danzig.

Justin lives in the same neighborhood as Danzig, and claims Danzig is a bad neighbor. He says Danzig lives in a run-down home and left a pile of bricks in his front yard. He begrudgingly removed the bricks after a neighbor complained about the bricks lowering his property value.

Funny or Die.com posted a news story containing the Tweets at this location. The story also reveals visual evidence of Danzig’s now-infamous stack-o-bricks. We at Metal Underground wanted to hear Danzig’s side of the story, so we went to his house to get the scoop.

Metal Underground: Have you seen the articles around the net about you being a bad neighbor?

Glenn Danzig: Yeah, I’ve seen them and it’s a bunch of crap. I am not poor! Look over there in the driveway and you’ll see my Jaguar. I have other Jags in other locations because I’m rich. I’m rich because I sold my soul to Satan around the time I put out the Samhain album “Samhain III: November Coming Fire.”

Since selling my soul to the Angel of Light, I have to constantly give blood offerings to my dark lord or he’ll take away my worldly powers. He will transform me into a wretched, AVERAGE person. I’ll have a normal, 50s-something body, no Jeet Kune Do round house kicks and most of all, no more (Danzig sings the end segment of “How The Gods Kill”) “HEEEEEYYYYY.” Oh, and then he’ll extract my soul through my broken, twisted body.

Metal Underground: So we can surmise that Satan is good, Satan is your pal?

Glenn Danzig: Satan and I go way back. Really, this is my human form. (Whispers) I’m going to let you in on a secret…I’m really a fallen angel. I am the rebel angel Samayel.

Metal Underground: Didn’t you play Samayel in the movie "Prophecy II?"

Glenn Danzig: They casted me for that part because they know who I truly am. The archangel Daniel really tore my heart out, that’s real history. Why do you think I’m here in human form?

Metal Underground: Why are you here in human form?

Glenn Danzig: Because Daniel hurled me headlong into bottomless perdition. I dwelled there for a while, 1,000,000 years to be exact, and then came to Earth. (Glenn violently jerks his arm back as if he were whipping back a mic chord). Sorry about that. These days I have no control over my stage moves. I get the strangest looks when I involuntarily gyrate my hips while waiting in line at the grocery store.

Metal Underground: Tell us more about your evil home?

Glenn Danzig: See the vines growing around the front of my house. They keep out the sunlight. Demons hate sunlight. I have to keep a constant stream of negative energy flowing. That’s another reason I always wear black, even when I’m washing my car. To a laymen of the occult, that window might look like it’s crooked because of disrepair. That window was built with geometry in mind, the type of geometry specific to astral projection. Most of all, the ceiling drips blood. That was the feature that sold me on this house, but that son of a bitch that sold it to me also promised a robot. I never got that robot. I’m after you and that meat head friend of yours. I’m coming after the two of you’s and I’m gonna get my fuckin’ robot!

Metal Undgerground: What about the bricks your neighbor Todd complained about?

Well, being the master necromancer that I, Glenn Danzig, am, I have the power to conjure the gods of the underworld. I was building a magical sarcophagus to summon the Egyptian god of snakes, Mehen. If it weren’t for that meddling neighbor, that FUCKHEAD TODD, I would be stalking the night with the Serpent King! I planned to put those bricks in the back yard, but that lazy fuck that brought me the bricks, set them in the front yard. I was going to put the coffin in front of my pit of deadly vipers, asps and cobras.

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New Metallica Song Leaked Online

A new song from American heavy metal legends Metallica has been leaked online via YouTube. The song, entitled, "Not Stanley" is expected to be a part of the band’s “secret project” which they have discussed in recent articles. You can check out a short snippet of the track by clicking here. The song's meaning is unclear, but it seems to be a criticism of how some people grow up and still treat their elderly parents with the utmost disrespect, told through the eyes of a man who still hasn't found what he's looking for. An official statement from the band regarding the bizzare clip is expected to be released shortly.

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Dimmu Borgir To Pen New Broadway Musical

Today is a big day for symphonic black metal band Dimmu Borgir. Not only is Mike Portnoy signed to be their new drummer, but Dimmu Borgir has also entered into a contract with Theatre Direct International to write a new Broadway musical for the upcoming 2011 Fall Season. The joint press release is as follows:

“Theatre Direct International and Dimmu Borgir are pleased to announce a partnership for the 2011 Fall Season to produce the new musical "Abracadabra!" It will replace “Rain: A Tribute to the Beatles” at the Brooks Atkinson Theatre, and will showcase how far music has come in the 40-plus years since “Let It Be.” Shagrath’s innovation, grandeur and eye for dramatic flair should make this the most successful Broadway Musical of the season!” More...

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Stryper Endorsing Newt Gingrich For President

After the news of Rage Against the Machine supporting Sarah Palin for President, more groups are starting to voice support for their candidates of choice.

Christian glam metal band Stryper has decided to throw its hat into the political ring early this year, as band front man Michael Sweet has announced he is officially endorsing Newt Gingrich for President in 2012. Sweet stated he wanted to publicly support Gingrich after hearing the former House speaker’s recent comments at Reverend Jon Hagee’s Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, Texas.

"I have two grandchildren — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9," Gingrich said at Cornerstone Church. "I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American."

Explaining why he chose to endorse Gingrich over any other conservative candidate, Michael Sweet commented, "Our new album of secular covers called ‘The Covering’ really convicted us all and showed us that a house divided can’t stand, and that a servant cannot serve two masters. We’re done with any secular and we want to help get America on the right track again.

"We know that Newt will do everything he can to prevent B.O. from letting an atheist, secular, Islamic-run society from taking over America. We wanted to make sure to support a morally upstanding candidate who has never cheated on his wife or been divorced multiple times, so Newt is the man for us!"

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RATM Voices Support For Sarah Palin

Politically motivated rockers Rage Against The Machine has announced that they are backing former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin for the presidency in 2012, even though she has yet to confirm whether or not she will run for office. The band, who have previously caused controversy by voicing their support for the Zapitista Army of National Liberation and forcing the doors of the New York Stock Exchange to close, has also revealed that they will indeed be working on a new studio album, their first since 1999’s, "The Battle Of Los Angeles," and that it will be influenced by their new found support of Sarah Palin. Entitled, "Alaska Myself," the band will be fusing their familiar guitar style and socially charged lyrics to protest the current administration and enforce their new found political leanings. The tracklisting is as follows:

1. The President Is Bad
2. Tax And Spend (Anthem Of the Liberals)
3. Juneau
4. I’d Rather Be An Elephant Than A Jackass
5. Going Rogue
6. Hunting Wolves
7. Don’t Believe The Hope
8. An American Life
9. Lamestream Media
10. Red Star For A Red State
11. Tea Party, Not House Party
12. Mr. Obama, Tear Down This Wall
13. Hey Clinton, Get Back To Work
14. Love It Or Leave It
Bonus track: Born In The U.S.A. (Bruce Springsteen cover)

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Dani Filth Reportedly Dating Justin Bieber

A story has been circulating around the Web that apparently Cradle of Filth vocalist Dani Filth and tween sensation Justin Bieber have become an item. The budding romance was discovered when a photographer caught a snapshot of the two holding hands and walking down a California beach (the picture has since been removed at the request of Bieber’s parents). The story was confirmed today in a post on Cradle of Filth’s website.

“It’s true, we’ve been seeing each other for some time now. I mean I’ve been singing about all these ridiculously perverted sex acts for years, what did you guys really expect from me?”

Later in the post, Dani revealed that he’s actually been writing Beiber’s music for him.

“I’ve been helping Justin write his lyrics for some time now in order to be involved in the music I really love these days. The song ‘Baby’ in particular was inspired by me when we were going through a rough patch. I know those metal news site trolls will have a field day with this, but fuck ‘em. Apparently they all missed the video for ‘The Foetus of a New Day Kicking’ and the entire ‘Thornography’ album. For years now I’ve wanted to do mindless catchy music for the masses with scantily clad girls dancing in the background.”

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Converge to Design Line for 2012 Fashion Week

Metallic hardcore outfit Converge has been tapped to design a full clothing line for the 2012 Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in New York City. A spokesman for IMG Fashion, who produces the entire event, said the following via press release:

“Fashion is changing. From formal jeans with pumps a few years ago to leggings and sweater dresses now, the whole fashion industry is descending into a hot mess as designers try to one-up each other. Our lead designers and consultants here at IMG Fashion love Converge’s style and wanted to start the trend to “Sophisticated Hardcore.” From the whirling artistry on the graphic tees, the cleverly matched shoe-pant-top-accessory combinations, and even Jacob Bannon’s unbelievably luscious neck tattoo, we at IMG Fashion believe Converge has a sense of clothing design that nobody else has in our modernist world, and can lead “Sophisticated Hardcore” into boardrooms and beach houses in 2012.”

Converge will work with noted designer Alexander McQueen in what IMG Fashion calls a “real meets fantasy pairing” to design and produce their dozen looks for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week 2012. When Jacob Bannon was reached via cell phone at McCorley’s Old Ale House in Brooklyn, he said simply, “I told you, neck tattoos are the shit.”

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Hatebeak Finds New Vocalist

Nearly six years since Waldo's untimely demise, Hatebeak has found a new avian vocalist named Lolita. Lolita was first discovered by the band members on YouTube, singing Drowning Pool's "Bodies."

"The minute I saw that video, I knew Lolita was our next vocalist" comments BLK. "After lengthy negotiations and assurances, we signed her (and her owner) on to the band and will be announcing a full North American tour soon," he continued. "I'm so excited to get back on the road. I think of Waldo every day and miss him dearly, but the band must go on."

Before discovering Lolita, Hatebeak auditioned a few other singers, one of them being the infamous death metal rooster.

"That rooster was bad news, dude," stated BLK. "We brought him in for an audition and he trashed the place. He's not a team player at all - he's a total cock! Don't work with that rooster!"

Here's Lolita's "audition" video:


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Fender To Produce Metalocalypse-Inspired Guitar

Roadrunner Records Artists are set to endorse the release of the Fender special edition Ant-Farm Guitar.

A spokesperson from Roadrunner explained how the idea originated from the series Metalocalypse, but that Fender had approached them about seeing if it could work for real. “Obviously we pushed for tarantulas, we also considered black widow spiders and there is a scorpion drum kit in the works. We also worked with certain species of crab but we there were some cannibalism issues we had to deal with before we could release the instrument.”

The use of insects to inspire metal has a long history. A recent scientific experiment, “Beetle Mania” showed how playing thrash metal to insects, subjecting them to “acoustic stress” can work as a form population control.

Motley Crue members reminisced about how in lieu of anything more stimulating available while touring, Ozzy Osbourne snorted live ants.

Different Roadrunner artists wanted to incorporate different species of animal into the new, limited release special edition. Cavalera Conspiracy and Cradle of Filth felt that bull ants were the most metal of all the ant species. Down preferred more slow moving, sedentary animals that would respond better to the sludge-laden lethargy of their stoner rock sound. Slipknot worked with Fender to create a guitar with different, competing species in the same guitar, creating the added incentive of watching the ants fight to the death.

Unfortunately the World Wildlife Fund has raised some objections.

Roadrunner and Fender also wanted to take this opportunity to promote more underground, insect related groups, like deathcore group Insect Inside and grindcore act Insect Warfare, equiping them with their very own Ant Farm guitars, of course.

Ideas for instruments that were ultimately vetoed was the drum kit with a live scorpion in the base drum (Gene Hoglan objected that “No scorpion could withstand the sonic disembowelment of my double kicks”) The Black widow spider guitar endorsed by Cannibal Corpse for its tendency to consume its partner after intercourse was ultimately considered unfeasible.

Look out for some insect carnage coming to metal stages this year.

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Six Feet Under Reveal Graveyard Classics 4 Details

American death metal veterans Six Feet Under are planning on releasing yet another album in the Graveyard Classics series. This time around the band will cover a number of contemporary Top 40 pop songs. Says vocalist Chris Barnes,

"I've always wanted to make Six Feet Under the death metal band that crosses over into the mainstream and hopefully fans of these songs will be turned onto our music and see a whole new world opened to them. I'll be the first person to admit that Ke$ha is an amazing artist who the world needs to see more of and I think she's hot to boot."

The tracklist for Graveyard Classics 4 is as follows:

1. Tik-Tok (Ke$ha)
2. Ding Dong Song (Gunther)
3. Poker Face (Lady Gaga)
4. Only Girl in the World (Rhianna)
5. I'm on a Boat (The Lonely Island)
6. Baby (Justin Beiber)
7. Friday (Rebecca Black)
8. Star Trek Girl (Meekakitty)
9. Road Roller (Ren and Lin)
10. Hot & Cold (Katy Perry)

Graveyard Classics 4 will be arriving on Metal Blade on July 15th in Northa America and July 20th worldwide.

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Plan B To Release Metal Album

British singer, rapper, actor and director Ben Drew, best known to the public as Plan B, has announced that he is planning to record a heavy metal album by the end of the year. Drew is well known for his varied approach to writing music, with rap and soul albums under his belt already, along with his collaborations with drum and bass stars Chase & Status plus reggae and dupstep records to follow, Drew has already proved that his artistic palette isn’t limited to one colour, but is he suited for metal music?

"I think heavy metal really does have it’s place in my music, why shouldn’t it?" Drew asked. "It’s raw, emotional, it’s got meaning, so naturally it’s something I feel I can do. Metal musicians are really dedicated to their art, which you have to respect even if you don’t like the music."

The question remains though, will metal fans accept Drew in their world? More...

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Sunn O))) To Use Fridges Onstage At Upcoming Shows

Sunn O))) has announced the inclusion of a special "Sonic Appliance Worship" tent at the upcoming Roadburn festival. Full details about the tent haven't been revealed but Greg Anderson commented "we want people to view the world around them in a different way after Roadburn." "The hum of a radio, television static, washing machines - you name it, an drone of emptiness can be generated from it." Stephen O'Malley revealed that Hungarian-born vocalist Attila Csihar will be performing alongside Sunn O))) in their live performances and that "there will be a fridge on stage. We are expanding our sound faster than the void it creates."

As previously reported, Sunn O))) is curating the second night of the four day festival, which will take place in Tilburg, Netherlands from April 14 to 17. The festival will also feature acts such as Godflesh, Candlemass, Pentagram, Alcest, Swans and Voivod.

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X Japan Yaoi Manga To Be Published

Japanese Power metal band X Japan will have a boys love manga based on the band on Japanese store shelves. Distribution is set to come from Japanese publisher Kitty Media. the manga is expected to only feature current members of the band engaging in erotic adventures although ex-bassist Taiji Sawada is expected to make a brief cameo appearance within the manga itself.

Artwork shown so far depicts the band drawn in a superdeformed moe style that should please the band's myriad of young female fans. The manga is expected to be available on store shelves and at X Japan concerts beginning this October and will hit North American retailers next January.

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Vinnie Paul Dating Kim Kardashian

According to a report released on TMZ.com, Kim Kardashian is now dating heavy metal drummer and stripclub owner Vinnie Paul (Hellyeah, formerly of Damageplan and Pantera). Kardashian is known for dating R&B performers and professional athletes - she famously dated NFL player Reggie Bush and then dumped him for fellow NFLer Miles Austin - and most recently Kardashian dated NBA player Kris Humphries.

Kardashian’s spokesperson declined to comment, but Paul was reached via phone yesterday by TMZ and is quoted as saying the following: “We met at a Dallas Cowboys game when she was dating Miles Austin. She didn’t really know who I was or why I was in her luxury suite, but when I told her I played for Pantera and owned strip clubs, she leaned in and whispered that I was the hottest thing she’d met in a long time. Then I got a call from her in early January and she told me she was over athletes and wanted something heavier. And what was I supposed to say other than ‘Hellyeah!’ We’ve been dating since then, but I guess it is just going public now.” More...

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Michael Kiske Joins Gamma Ray

Former Halloween vocalist Michael Kiske has disbanded Unisonic in favor of joining with his ex-bandmate Kai Hansen. Claims Kiske:

It is an honor to once again collaborate with Kai on his musical endeavors. I've guested on Gamma Ray albums in the past and now I'm proud to say that I'll be taking over all vocal duties for the foreseeable future.

My collaboration with Amanda Somerville was what inspired me to gt back into heavy metal music and I don't feel like a new band is what I need to do for my career. I apologize to any fans who were hoping to see Unisonic on tour but it simply isn't where my heart is. I look forward to seeing all of you fans on the road and yes, we will be covering old Helloween songs.

This marks the first time since 1994 that Kai Hanson hasn't been the lead vocalist of Gamma Ray when Ralf Scheepers departed the lineup. Micheal Kiske has been a solo artist since his departure form Helloween in 1993. New tour dates featuring the new Gamma Ray lineup will be posted once they become available.

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Christina Aguilera To Front Nightwish

In recent years pop icon Christina Aguilera has faced declining record sales and has been eclipsed by younger up-and-coming stars. After a failed attempt to reinvent herself by following in the footsteps of Lady GaGa, Aguilera has found new life in the music industry by taking over vocal duties for Finnish metal act Nightwish.

The band issued the following statement about the lineup change and about parting ways with Anette Olzon:

“Anette gave us an undeniable pop presence, which really opened up our audience and let us do things we hadn’t been able to do before. Unfortunately due to personal differences we have parted ways with Anette and we wish her the best of luck in her next endeavor.

“Nightwish will now be exploring even new musical territory with the fantastic Christina Aguilera. Inevitably the press will question how she can work out in a metal band, but so far the fit has been perfect and I think the fans will really be blown away. Her soulful style of singing fits our music perfectly.”

Reportedly a new song and music video titled “Bye Bye More Beautiful” is in the works.

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Avenged Sevenfold To Headline Summer Slaughter

California modern metal act Avenged Sevenfold has announced that it will be the featured headline act of this year's forthcoming Summer Slaughter touring festival. The band commented on the joining the annual extreme music tour by saying:

"Avenged Sevenfold are more than thrilled to be a part of the upcoming Summer Slaughter tour. To be headlining such an extreme and aggressive event is an honor for us and we will surely need to bring our A-game to survive this one. Death metal and grind have always been very close to our hearts and death metal has been especially significant in the crafting of our sound over the years to where we are today. We are really looking forward to be joining this diverse tour and to be performing in front of a whole new audience that we haven't been able to reach before. We have no doubts that the death metal fans will embrace us with open arms and we look forward to dominating that genre of metal as well, we are just slightly worried the Summer Slaughter fanbase won't be able to keep up with our unique metal style. See you on tour!"

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Dave Mustaine To Debate Christopher Hitchens

Megadeth frontman and founding member Dave Mustaine has announced that he will appearing on Fox News on April 15th, to engage in a debate with author, journalist and outspoken atheist, Christopher Hitchens. Mustaine, who is very outspoken about his Christian beliefs, claims that Hitchens is no more than a bully and his criticism of Christianity is “cruel” and “mean.” A message from Mustaine reads as follows:

"I feel it is my GOD given right to defend Christianity from hacks like Hitchens, who make their thirty pieces of silver by judging our Lord. Who the hell does he think he is? Just because he wrote a book saying why he thinks there is no God, doesn’t make it true! Don’t believe everything you read! As it says in Bible, 'Beware of false prophets.' Though, I do agree with his criticisms of every other religion.

"I’m looking forward to meeting Christopher and giving him a verbal ass kicking the likes of which he’s never known. If he’s so smart, how does he explain the tides going in and out? Exactly, you can’t! See ya in two weeks Chris!"

Christopher Hitchens has responded by saying that this debate may well be one of the more interesting of his long and illustrious career, stating:

"In my time as a writer and guest speaker, I have debated with Rabbis, Imams, priests of many denominations and most recently, former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, but I have yet to cross swords over religious matters with a heavy metal musician. This will certainly be an entertaining meeting, though I highly doubt it’ll be a particularly challenging one. It’s also fascinating to me that a man who was criticised a few decades ago by censorship groups who accused him of being Satanic, is now taking a stand for the so called diminishing rights of Christians in America, which is the primary reason I agreed to the discussion. I look forward to the contention between myself and Mr. Mustaine."

The autobiographies of both Dave Mustaine and Christopher Hitchens, along with other work by the latter including the best selling, "God Is Not Great," are available now at Amazon and all good book stores. More...

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