Report

Push Ups And A Orchestra. Brutal Assault Day 3.

If any of you happened to read my Road Report of Brutal Assault Day 2, I pointed out that today (Day 3) was going to be extremely busy day. I wasn’t lying. By the end of the night, I had stage hopped 10 bands and it was exhausting. Not in an I couldn’t take it anymore sort of way but more of feeling that I survived the day. If you were expecting to read about all ten bands in detail, well, I have some bad news...that’s not going to happen. I wouldn’t be doing the bands justice with a two-sentence report on each one. However, what I’m going to write about is who the most memorable bands from Day 3 were and what made them stand out from the rest that played that day.

I have never been motivated to see any band that plays during the hours of breakfast. That is just asinine. Today, that all changed. After only getting 3 hours of sleep (we arrived back at our hotel room around 2:30 a.m.) my wife and I woke up at 6 a.m. and I somehow inexplicably convinced her to skip breakfast, grab a coffee to-go for the one-hour train ride to Brutal Assault. I absolutely had to be there for the start of the Scottish Death Metal Party Slammers,
Party Cannon.

I normally skip the early start bands because I value my limited and precious sleep more. This was different. The day before their show at Brutal Assault, Party Cannon posted on their socials that they wanted to break a “world record” for the largest push-up pit (Yup, you read that right) ever recorded at a concert. The only way to find out if it happened was to be there. I’m a sucker for shit like this and fuck my life that I was going to do it.

Party Cannon fans ready to get their exercise on!

The sun was already blinding and was a tad bit warm by the time we arrived at the festival grounds. To my surprise, there was already a large crowd gathering around the stage where Party Cannon was set to play. I guess they were excited to get their work-out on that would include copious amounts of moshing, head banging and push-ups. I observed dozens of early risers chugging Pilsners waiting for Party Cannon to take stage. My best guess is that they were most likely carb-loading, pre-workout. This crowd was obviously laden with fitness freaks.

Skeletor egging on the Party Cannon crowd

A short time later, someone wearing a bright green Skeletor mask and draped in the Scottish flag started prancing around the stage with a neon-colored cardboard craft sign that simply said, “Party.” That’s all it took for the crowd to into full workout mode. Party Cannon entered the stage and then the only way I can describe the energy was likening it to a hurricane making landfall sans water and winds. This was at least a category four event.

Stony of Party Cannon

What I love about Party Cannon is they egg on their pits non-stop. That’s just their MO and I think the music is secondary. That’s just how they roll. There were plenty of blow-up pool toys flying about, maybe not as many as you might see at a Gutalax show, but enough to at least fill an Olympic sized pool. There were also plenty of crowd surfers and beers flying all over the place. What really caught my eye was a large dude being cradled in a yellow blow-up pool raft. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a fuzzy green bear headpiece and headbanging the whole time while the pitsters (Is that a word?) underneath him carried him around the pit like he was the emperor of Party Cannon shenanigans.

Proof that Party Cannon plays music

As advertised, the push up pit happened during their final song. I’m not sure if it broke any “record” per se, but I guesstimated that there were almost 100 or so getting their Party Cannon push up work-out on. There was even a wrestling match that took place for a wayward drumstick after the show. That side-show lasted about two minutes without a single injury to either competitor. Party Cannon couldn’t be any prouder of the amount of calories burned that day. And for us? It was a great start to a brutal day of stage hopping that awaited us.

Amateur wrestling match after Party Cannon More...

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