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Archive: Just For Funs

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Converge to Design Line for 2012 Fashion Week

Metallic hardcore outfit Converge has been tapped to design a full clothing line for the 2012 Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in New York City. A spokesman for IMG Fashion, who produces the entire event, said the following via press release:

“Fashion is changing. From formal jeans with pumps a few years ago to leggings and sweater dresses now, the whole fashion industry is descending into a hot mess as designers try to one-up each other. Our lead designers and consultants here at IMG Fashion love Converge’s style and wanted to start the trend to “Sophisticated Hardcore.” From the whirling artistry on the graphic tees, the cleverly matched shoe-pant-top-accessory combinations, and even Jacob Bannon’s unbelievably luscious neck tattoo, we at IMG Fashion believe Converge has a sense of clothing design that nobody else has in our modernist world, and can lead “Sophisticated Hardcore” into boardrooms and beach houses in 2012.”

Converge will work with noted designer Alexander McQueen in what IMG Fashion calls a “real meets fantasy pairing” to design and produce their dozen looks for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week 2012. When Jacob Bannon was reached via cell phone at McCorley’s Old Ale House in Brooklyn, he said simply, “I told you, neck tattoos are the shit.”

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Hatebeak Finds New Vocalist

Nearly six years since Waldo's untimely demise, Hatebeak has found a new avian vocalist named Lolita. Lolita was first discovered by the band members on YouTube, singing Drowning Pool's "Bodies."

"The minute I saw that video, I knew Lolita was our next vocalist" comments BLK. "After lengthy negotiations and assurances, we signed her (and her owner) on to the band and will be announcing a full North American tour soon," he continued. "I'm so excited to get back on the road. I think of Waldo every day and miss him dearly, but the band must go on."

Before discovering Lolita, Hatebeak auditioned a few other singers, one of them being the infamous death metal rooster.

"That rooster was bad news, dude," stated BLK. "We brought him in for an audition and he trashed the place. He's not a team player at all - he's a total cock! Don't work with that rooster!"

Here's Lolita's "audition" video:

AVOID THIS ROOSTER AT ALL COSTS:

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Fender To Produce Metalocalypse-Inspired Guitar

Roadrunner Records Artists are set to endorse the release of the Fender special edition Ant-Farm Guitar.

A spokesperson from Roadrunner explained how the idea originated from the series Metalocalypse, but that Fender had approached them about seeing if it could work for real. “Obviously we pushed for tarantulas, we also considered black widow spiders and there is a scorpion drum kit in the works. We also worked with certain species of crab but we there were some cannibalism issues we had to deal with before we could release the instrument.”

The use of insects to inspire metal has a long history. A recent scientific experiment, “Beetle Mania” showed how playing thrash metal to insects, subjecting them to “acoustic stress” can work as a form population control.

Motley Crue members reminisced about how in lieu of anything more stimulating available while touring, Ozzy Osbourne snorted live ants.

Different Roadrunner artists wanted to incorporate different species of animal into the new, limited release special edition. Cavalera Conspiracy and Cradle of Filth felt that bull ants were the most metal of all the ant species. Down preferred more slow moving, sedentary animals that would respond better to the sludge-laden lethargy of their stoner rock sound. Slipknot worked with Fender to create a guitar with different, competing species in the same guitar, creating the added incentive of watching the ants fight to the death.

Unfortunately the World Wildlife Fund has raised some objections.

Roadrunner and Fender also wanted to take this opportunity to promote more underground, insect related groups, like deathcore group Insect Inside and grindcore act Insect Warfare, equiping them with their very own Ant Farm guitars, of course.

Ideas for instruments that were ultimately vetoed was the drum kit with a live scorpion in the base drum (Gene Hoglan objected that “No scorpion could withstand the sonic disembowelment of my double kicks”) The Black widow spider guitar endorsed by Cannibal Corpse for its tendency to consume its partner after intercourse was ultimately considered unfeasible.

Look out for some insect carnage coming to metal stages this year.

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Six Feet Under Reveal Graveyard Classics 4 Details

American death metal veterans Six Feet Under are planning on releasing yet another album in the Graveyard Classics series. This time around the band will cover a number of contemporary Top 40 pop songs. Says vocalist Chris Barnes,

"I've always wanted to make Six Feet Under the death metal band that crosses over into the mainstream and hopefully fans of these songs will be turned onto our music and see a whole new world opened to them. I'll be the first person to admit that Ke$ha is an amazing artist who the world needs to see more of and I think she's hot to boot."

The tracklist for Graveyard Classics 4 is as follows:

1. Tik-Tok (Ke$ha)
2. Ding Dong Song (Gunther)
3. Poker Face (Lady Gaga)
4. Only Girl in the World (Rhianna)
5. I'm on a Boat (The Lonely Island)
6. Baby (Justin Beiber)
7. Friday (Rebecca Black)
8. Star Trek Girl (Meekakitty)
9. Road Roller (Ren and Lin)
10. Hot & Cold (Katy Perry)

Graveyard Classics 4 will be arriving on Metal Blade on July 15th in Northa America and July 20th worldwide.

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Plan B To Release Metal Album

British singer, rapper, actor and director Ben Drew, best known to the public as Plan B, has announced that he is planning to record a heavy metal album by the end of the year. Drew is well known for his varied approach to writing music, with rap and soul albums under his belt already, along with his collaborations with drum and bass stars Chase & Status plus reggae and dupstep records to follow, Drew has already proved that his artistic palette isn’t limited to one colour, but is he suited for metal music?

"I think heavy metal really does have it’s place in my music, why shouldn’t it?" Drew asked. "It’s raw, emotional, it’s got meaning, so naturally it’s something I feel I can do. Metal musicians are really dedicated to their art, which you have to respect even if you don’t like the music."

The question remains though, will metal fans accept Drew in their world? More...

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Sunn O))) To Use Fridges Onstage At Upcoming Shows

Sunn O))) has announced the inclusion of a special "Sonic Appliance Worship" tent at the upcoming Roadburn festival. Full details about the tent haven't been revealed but Greg Anderson commented "we want people to view the world around them in a different way after Roadburn." "The hum of a radio, television static, washing machines - you name it, an drone of emptiness can be generated from it." Stephen O'Malley revealed that Hungarian-born vocalist Attila Csihar will be performing alongside Sunn O))) in their live performances and that "there will be a fridge on stage. We are expanding our sound faster than the void it creates."

As previously reported, Sunn O))) is curating the second night of the four day festival, which will take place in Tilburg, Netherlands from April 14 to 17. The festival will also feature acts such as Godflesh, Candlemass, Pentagram, Alcest, Swans and Voivod.

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X Japan Yaoi Manga To Be Published

Japanese Power metal band X Japan will have a boys love manga based on the band on Japanese store shelves. Distribution is set to come from Japanese publisher Kitty Media. the manga is expected to only feature current members of the band engaging in erotic adventures although ex-bassist Taiji Sawada is expected to make a brief cameo appearance within the manga itself.

Artwork shown so far depicts the band drawn in a superdeformed moe style that should please the band's myriad of young female fans. The manga is expected to be available on store shelves and at X Japan concerts beginning this October and will hit North American retailers next January.

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Vinnie Paul Dating Kim Kardashian

According to a report released on TMZ.com, Kim Kardashian is now dating heavy metal drummer and stripclub owner Vinnie Paul (Hellyeah, formerly of Damageplan and Pantera). Kardashian is known for dating R&B performers and professional athletes - she famously dated NFL player Reggie Bush and then dumped him for fellow NFLer Miles Austin - and most recently Kardashian dated NBA player Kris Humphries.

Kardashian’s spokesperson declined to comment, but Paul was reached via phone yesterday by TMZ and is quoted as saying the following: “We met at a Dallas Cowboys game when she was dating Miles Austin. She didn’t really know who I was or why I was in her luxury suite, but when I told her I played for Pantera and owned strip clubs, she leaned in and whispered that I was the hottest thing she’d met in a long time. Then I got a call from her in early January and she told me she was over athletes and wanted something heavier. And what was I supposed to say other than ‘Hellyeah!’ We’ve been dating since then, but I guess it is just going public now.” More...

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Michael Kiske Joins Gamma Ray

Former Halloween vocalist Michael Kiske has disbanded Unisonic in favor of joining with his ex-bandmate Kai Hansen. Claims Kiske:

It is an honor to once again collaborate with Kai on his musical endeavors. I've guested on Gamma Ray albums in the past and now I'm proud to say that I'll be taking over all vocal duties for the foreseeable future.

My collaboration with Amanda Somerville was what inspired me to gt back into heavy metal music and I don't feel like a new band is what I need to do for my career. I apologize to any fans who were hoping to see Unisonic on tour but it simply isn't where my heart is. I look forward to seeing all of you fans on the road and yes, we will be covering old Helloween songs.

This marks the first time since 1994 that Kai Hanson hasn't been the lead vocalist of Gamma Ray when Ralf Scheepers departed the lineup. Micheal Kiske has been a solo artist since his departure form Helloween in 1993. New tour dates featuring the new Gamma Ray lineup will be posted once they become available.

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Christina Aguilera To Front Nightwish

In recent years pop icon Christina Aguilera has faced declining record sales and has been eclipsed by younger up-and-coming stars. After a failed attempt to reinvent herself by following in the footsteps of Lady GaGa, Aguilera has found new life in the music industry by taking over vocal duties for Finnish metal act Nightwish.

The band issued the following statement about the lineup change and about parting ways with Anette Olzon:

“Anette gave us an undeniable pop presence, which really opened up our audience and let us do things we hadn’t been able to do before. Unfortunately due to personal differences we have parted ways with Anette and we wish her the best of luck in her next endeavor.

“Nightwish will now be exploring even new musical territory with the fantastic Christina Aguilera. Inevitably the press will question how she can work out in a metal band, but so far the fit has been perfect and I think the fans will really be blown away. Her soulful style of singing fits our music perfectly.”

Reportedly a new song and music video titled “Bye Bye More Beautiful” is in the works.

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Avenged Sevenfold To Headline Summer Slaughter

California modern metal act Avenged Sevenfold has announced that it will be the featured headline act of this year's forthcoming Summer Slaughter touring festival. The band commented on the joining the annual extreme music tour by saying:

"Avenged Sevenfold are more than thrilled to be a part of the upcoming Summer Slaughter tour. To be headlining such an extreme and aggressive event is an honor for us and we will surely need to bring our A-game to survive this one. Death metal and grind have always been very close to our hearts and death metal has been especially significant in the crafting of our sound over the years to where we are today. We are really looking forward to be joining this diverse tour and to be performing in front of a whole new audience that we haven't been able to reach before. We have no doubts that the death metal fans will embrace us with open arms and we look forward to dominating that genre of metal as well, we are just slightly worried the Summer Slaughter fanbase won't be able to keep up with our unique metal style. See you on tour!"

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Dave Mustaine To Debate Christopher Hitchens

Megadeth frontman and founding member Dave Mustaine has announced that he will appearing on Fox News on April 15th, to engage in a debate with author, journalist and outspoken atheist, Christopher Hitchens. Mustaine, who is very outspoken about his Christian beliefs, claims that Hitchens is no more than a bully and his criticism of Christianity is “cruel” and “mean.” A message from Mustaine reads as follows:

"I feel it is my GOD given right to defend Christianity from hacks like Hitchens, who make their thirty pieces of silver by judging our Lord. Who the hell does he think he is? Just because he wrote a book saying why he thinks there is no God, doesn’t make it true! Don’t believe everything you read! As it says in Bible, 'Beware of false prophets.' Though, I do agree with his criticisms of every other religion.

"I’m looking forward to meeting Christopher and giving him a verbal ass kicking the likes of which he’s never known. If he’s so smart, how does he explain the tides going in and out? Exactly, you can’t! See ya in two weeks Chris!"

Christopher Hitchens has responded by saying that this debate may well be one of the more interesting of his long and illustrious career, stating:

"In my time as a writer and guest speaker, I have debated with Rabbis, Imams, priests of many denominations and most recently, former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, but I have yet to cross swords over religious matters with a heavy metal musician. This will certainly be an entertaining meeting, though I highly doubt it’ll be a particularly challenging one. It’s also fascinating to me that a man who was criticised a few decades ago by censorship groups who accused him of being Satanic, is now taking a stand for the so called diminishing rights of Christians in America, which is the primary reason I agreed to the discussion. I look forward to the contention between myself and Mr. Mustaine."

The autobiographies of both Dave Mustaine and Christopher Hitchens, along with other work by the latter including the best selling, "God Is Not Great," are available now at Amazon and all good book stores. More...

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Dream Theater To Use Drum Machine For New Record

Dream Theater has been cagey about naming a replacement for departed drummer Mike Portnoy, but has finally decided to come out with a statement on the matter today.

Guitarist John Petrucci commented: "We have decided to move forward with the recording of the new album with a drum machine. The fact is that we started down this road after Mike left and we just couldn't find a drummer who gelled with us personally. I stand by everything I have said. [the album] is going incredibly well and I can't wait for everyone to hear it!" He then added "I assure you, you won't even notice a difference. We don't need no stinkin' drummer!"

Whether or not the band will bring a replacement drummer along on tour remains to be seen, but for the upcoming album, they are happy with the results they've achieved by programming the drums themselves.

As previously reported, Mike Portnoy has since joined Dimmu Borgir.

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Dr. Phil To Join Trapped Under Ice On Future Tours

Following the recent developments in Europe in which Trapped Under Ice frontman Justice Tripp attacked a fan while on the 2011 "Rebellion" tour the band's label, Reaper Records, has announced that famous advice guru Dr. Phil will be joining the band on its future tours to offer both anger management and emotional support to each member of the band. A press release from the label reads:

"We at Reaper Records are extremely pleased to announce that none other than Dr.Phil himself has agreed to ride along with Trapped Under Ice on all future tour dates for the foreseeable future. Dr.Phil will provide much needed support to the band and to help prevent the actions that took place overseas in Europe from ever happening again. We are also currently in talks with Dr. Phil to get him to appear on the forthcoming Trapped Under Ice album as a guest vocalist. We are positive that these decisions will be the best for all at Reaper Records and all in Trapped Under Ice."

Dr.Phil offered his thoughts by saying;

"When approached by the fine folks at Reaper Records about being able to offer my assistance to the young band Trapped Under Ice at first I was skeptical. But after viewing some alarming video footage from Europe I was convinced that these guys really needed my help. I am confident in my ability to be able to bring some positive reinforcement to these young men and show them that attacking fans who have paid money to see you perform in concert is certainly not acceptable behavior. By the end of my tenure with Trapped Under Ice I am sure I will be able to convert them from the tough-guy hardcore band they are today into a loving and caring christian rock group."

Trapped Under Ice frontman responded to news by adding:

"I am not a superhero!"

Expect a reality series based on the experience in the spring of 2012.

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Glee Shooting Cannibal Corpse Episode

In a recent interview, producer Ryan Murphy of cultural phenomenon and television hit series "Glee" let slip that the show will be doing an episode even more controversial than anything done in the past. While the program has fielded concerns from parents and religious organizations for devoting an episode to the questionable role model of Brittany Spears and having frequent themes of homosexual acceptance, Glee is about to be in for a storm of new criticism.

“We really don’t want to just do pop and rock songs, because those aren’t the only kinds of music that are relevant to today’s kids,” said Murphy, “With that in mind, we’ve decided to broaden our horizons and dive head first into something many parents are having to deal with these days: death metal.”

Murphy stated the show’s other writers and producers wanted to go with a more mainstream band such as Avenged Sevenfold, but he insisted that the show needed to further push boundaries. “I knew immediately that we had to do something more extreme to really get the audience’s attention, and the first name that popped into my head was Cannibal Corpse. This is a band that has caused controversy all over the world, and I want to explore in that in the episode.”

When asked if he had any worries about the cast, which normally performs music from pop divas and ‘80s rock acts, being able to perform death metal in a convincing manner, Murphy laughed and stated, “Matthew Morrison (Will Scheuster) definitely had a problem with it at first, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester) could have a thriving career as a death metal vocalist. She hit everything perfectly. Honestly, she’s scary good.”

Details on the name of the episode and its airing date will be announced as they are made available.

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David Ellefson Repeatedly In And Out of Megadeth

David Ellefson did a brief impromptu interview with the Spanish newspaper El Pais in Barcelona yesterday, and while no video is available, Metal Underground was able to acquire a transcript of the exchange:

El Pais: David! David! How’s it going?

David Ellefson: Fine. Just heading over to jam with Chris Broderick.

EP: Just Chris?

DE: Yeah, Mustaine kicked me out of Megadeth again.

EP: No shit!

DE: Yeah, but when the next show comes around he’ll need me to play bass, so I jam with Chris to keep it sharp. Chris is a great guy, by the way.

EP: Yeah, we’ve heard that.

DE: To tell you the truth I am kicked out of Megadeth and then reinstated back into the band about twice a week. On our recent tour in Russia I rented a car after our Moscow show and drove behind the tour bus to St. Petersburg because I knew I’d be invited back pretty quickly. Sure enough, Mustaine came up to me sniffling about two hours after we all got to the St. Petersburg venue, begging me to come back. That show rocked!

EP: Wow, almost too crazy to believe. But with Mustaine you never know I guess.

DE: Tell me about it.

EP: Well, thanks David. Good luck Friday night for the show here.

DE: *throws horns*

Megadeth is touring in Europe for the next two weeks, and will then take a few months off before July’s Big Four Festival Dates. For more info visit Megadeth's official site.

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Slayer Guitarist Leaves The Band

Slayer guitarist and co-founding member Jeff Hanneman has announced that he has made the decision to leave the band, following his recent medical problems. A message from Hanneman reads as follows:

"In what is probably the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, I have decided to part company with Slayer. You can imagine how difficult this was for me to do, what with Slayer being such a big part of my life for like thirty years, but due to my problems with my arm, I’ve been left with little other option. I’d just like to say thank you so much to the guys for helping me a part of something so important and amazing, and also a huge thanks should go to you, the fans, for all the support you’ve given me over the years. Thanks again guys! You rule!"

The remaining members of Slayer have also spoken about Hanneman’s departure, posting the following message online:

"We are completely saddened by Jeff’s decision to leave the band after so long, but we don’t want him to rush his recovery, which has suffered another setback recently. He’s more than just a guitarist, as I think our fans will agree, and Slayer just won’t be the same without him. Thank you Jeff.

"Of course the question on everybody’s minds now is what are we gonna do? Obviously we’ve got our tour dates coming up soon which Gary (Holt, Exodus guitarist) and Pat (O’Brien, Cannibal Corpse guitarist) have graciously agreed to be a part of, but the long term future of the band remains a mystery even to us."

More details on Slayer’s plans for the future are expected to be revealed shortly.

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Mike Portnoy Joins Dimmu Borgir

In an exclusive announcement, ex-Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy has revealed to MetalUnderground.com that he is to be the new drummer of Norwegian symphonic black metal band Dimmu Borgir. He writes, "I’m pumped to be the new drummer for my boys in Dimmu Borgir! It will be one hell of a year, but I’ll be pushing myself in new directions." When asked for comment, Dimmu Borgir vocalist Shagrath confirmed and noted, "Mike is a logical step forward for the band."

Dimmu Borgir has had a rotating cast of drummers through their career, including Reno Kiilerich, Hellhammer, Nick Barker, Tony Laureano, and most recently Daray. Mike Portnoy adds, "I’m working on some brutal ideas for my corpse paint already. Get ready!" Portnoy is set to play with the band at their "Forces of the Northern Night" show in Oslo on May 28th, with the backing of the Norwegian Radio Orchestra and Choir. Portnoy adds that, "It will be like the time DT and I played with the orchestra at Radio City Music Hall, but this time with blast beats. Get ready, Norway!"

His time ended with Avenged Sevenfold, Portnoy’s other musical projects this year include a project with Symphony X’s Russell Allen and guitarist Mike Orlando. Also on tap for Portnoy is a project with Spock’s Beard’s Neal Morse, Deep Purple’s Steve Morse, the Dixie Dregs’ Dave LaRue, and Alpha Rev’s Casey McPherson.

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Jonathan Miller "Freaked Out" By Recent Deaths

Former Devildriver bassist Jonathan Miller recently left Devildriver after nine years of service, but did not provide a concrete reason for his departure. Sources close to the musician say that he's simply "freaked out by all of the recent bassist deaths" and was growing paranoid that he was next.

A friend of Miller, who wished to remain anonymous, commented: "It's best for everyone that he decided to leave the band. He's become completely obsessed with the news and paranoid that he is next in the line of recent bassist deaths. He thinks it's 'his turn.' Maybe it's a good thing...it's scared him into taking action to get himself better. I hope it does anyway. He's also quit playing bass and dedicated himself to learning drums to avoid 'the curse'."

Last year Miller ended up in the ICU on his birthday and missed the subsequent tour with Devildriver.

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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Fall Schedule

Television networks have released their updated fall schedules and there are apparently some big surprises coming our way…

HBO is unveiling “The L Factor”, a Saturday night talk show hosted by Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead. When asked what type of guest Lemmy will be having on his new show he stated simply, “Mostly women”…

David Coverdale (Whitesnake) is joining the cast of “Dancing with the Stars” as their newest judge. A rep for the show who asked to remain nameless believes that if anyone knows dancers, well, it’s going to be David Coverdale… More...

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