Archive: Just For Funs
In one of the more random and eccentric metal-themed endorsements in recent history, Prosthetic Records has announced the following:
"Duncan Toys has teamed with heavy metallers Holy Grail to create a limited edition yo-yo featuring the artwork from the band's new album 'Ride The Void,' due out January 22nd. In conjunction, Duncan has revealed a tutorial video featuring Holy Grail guitarist (and yo-yo enthusiast) Alex Lee. The yo-yos will be available at the band's merch table on the upcoming Metal Alliance Tour, as well as through upcoming social media promotions.
Compressorhead, the world's first all 'heavy metal' band made with robotics, has posted a practice version of its cover of "Ace of Spades" during band practice at the Robocross headquarters in Berlin. In the band's biography, this is how they are described:
"Did you ever wonder what Danny Carey would sound like if he had 4 arms? How about if Angus Young had 78 fingers? Imagine what Robert Trujillo would sound like if he was actually made of metal? Well, wonder no more, meatbags. Compressorhead is the worlds heaviest metal band."
"Stickboy (drums) was created to exacting specifications. 4 arms, 2 legs, 1 head, no brain. He plays a Pearl 14 piece kit with double kick. Stickboy Junior, the bastard child of an unknown mother, takes control of the hihat shuffle. Inception date 2007. Fingers (guitar) joined Stickboy in 2009 and brings 78 purpose built fingers, enough to play the entire fret board and pluck. Bones (bass) is the highest precision bass player in known existence, and the youngest member of the band. Inception date 2012. Stand aside meatbags. Oil is thicker than blood."
Alestorm frontman Christopher Bowes has just released a special Christmas album right in the "nick" of time for the holiday season. "Christmas at the Organ" is streaming now in the player below and is available as a free download through bandcamp. All songs were performed live in one take today.
Bowes' stunning and timeless renditions of "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem," "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and "We Three Kings," complete with lyrical forgetfulness, re-starts and overall holiday fun are now yours for the taking. The cover art, with Bowes in a white suit with a glass of sherry, is a throwback to the glory days of Engelbert Humperdink.
Check it out and download now right here:
Tuomas Saukkonen - front man of Finnish melodic death metallers Before The Dawn - has inked an official endorsement deal with TEHO (Finnish for “power”) – “the most Finnish energy drink in the world.” Check out the video announcement below, which was created by OneManArmy Productions.
Saukkonen comments: “I feel honoured and extremely happy to be supported by my most favourite energy drink of all. I’ve never felt a lack of energy, but as of now, I will be powered to the maximum!” More...
Joining the game of expanding merch beyond t-shirts and patches, Katatonia is now selling tall beer glasses, whiskey glasses, and shot glasses etched with the band's logo and the latest album title. Check out the full lineup right here (and now you can reenact the Opeth/Katatonia album listening/wine drinking sessions!)
The latest viral video with some tangential relevance to music is a comedic sketch by Brian Firenzi and Maria Del Carmen. In the skit, posted as an installment of "Ask A Network Head," Natalie asks the head of programming at MTV why they stopped playing music videos. Watch below for the answer (warning: NSFW language):
In the grand tradition of the avian-fronted Hate Beak comes a new ani-metal band: PUG DESTROYER! Check out the new Pug Destroyer video in the player below, courtesy of AnimalNewYork.com. The video creators comment:
"When certain pugs get overexcited, they produce a loud, high-pitched sound that falls halfway between a 'squealing pig' and a 'tortured human.' When I first heard it, one coworker successfully convinced me it was the sound of a puppy having its legs chopped off. It’s intense.
"As intense, in fact, as the vocals of certain strains of extreme metal music–a fact ANIMAL decided to exploit by pairing the audio from several YouTube videos of the cacaphonous canines (completely unedited, mind you), with this death metal instrumental."
Nuclear Blast Records has issued the following announcement about launching a new online poker platform:
"Heavy metal fans have found a new online home to party, poker and rock out. Nuclear Blast, together with kuuluu AG, launches Nuclear Blast Poker a free-to-play social platform. Nuclear Blast Poker is not just an online poker game but also a community platform where metal freaks interact, show their love for metal by styling their avatar with cool hardcore items from the shop all whilst listening to the newest music releases from Nuclear Blast label on an integrated music player. Join the game at this location or visit and play as a guest on the Nuclear Blast website.
"Nuclear Blast Poker allows all metalheads to congregate, meet new like-minded people, compete for stellar prizes and live-out their passion for metal fashion. The in-game shop players have the chance to choose items for their poker alter-ego avatar from a huge selection that shows the rest of the world what they’re really made of.
"Nuclear Blast Poker is free-to-play and all about giving metal fans the opportunity to meet each other in a new and exciting environment. Players can choose from casual tournaments, challenge friends or simply take a seat directly at a regular sit-down table to win virtual chips, gold and experience points. Furthermore, the user experience is designed with the metal fan in mind with stunning backdrops, hardcore avatars and rockin’ items, and to top it off the Nuclear Blast Player on SoundCloud blaring out the latest tracks of the label. More...
Headbanger's Kitchen, which is hosted by Demonstealer Records (Demonic Resurrection/Workshop/Reptilian Death), has now released an 11th episode online. Check out the clip below to view both the "demonic cookery" segment on how to conjure "Spaghetti '59" and also find the interview portion of the show with Sidharth & Jimmy from Zygnema. More...
You can now get your very own Amon Amarth Shiraz red wine, which the band describes as "a must at any classy dinner party or as a gift to the wino friend," and the vikings have further encouraged fans to "Drink irresponsibly!" with.
Ordering info is available over at this location. The question of dozens of Facebook Amon Amarth fans will be repeated here: why wasn't this a mead instead?!?!
If you thought words like "apps" and "iPhones" were the opposite of grim kvltness, prepare to adjust your expectations: because there's now a "Black Metal Man" platforming mobile game. Check out the lightning riding, decapitating goodness in the trailer below, or you can get the infamous app itself over at this location.
Remember those classic blocky, 8-bit tunes that got stuck in your head while playing Mega Man or Breath of Fire all Saturday afternoon as a kid? Turns out they are also the perfect medium for experiencing the best metal has to offer, and many fans online have converted their favorite tunes into 8-bit format. There are probably hundreds or even thousands of these online, and today we'll share two interesting ones worth hearing.
Fist up is a recreation of Augury's "Brimstone Landscapes" from "Fragmentary Evidence" (reviewed here), a progressive/technical death metal album that is now becoming long, looong overdue for a follow-up release. While for some reason the drums seem to have been dropped from the 8 bit version, this is still a pretty faithful reproduction of the original in old school video game form.
For comparison, here's the original track: More...
Napalm Records has issued the following announcement about Grave Digger releasing its own shampoo:
"In cooperation with natural cosmetic expert Rutano, Germany’s power metal legends Grave Digger releases their very own 2-in-1 shampoo / shower gel.
"This combination has been especially created for the 'It-has-to-be-done-quick' moments in life. The product will be manufactured as a first-class aluminum finish and will soon be available at the Grave Digger online shop!
"Beside the practical 2-in-1 use, the major focus was on finding the right partner for this unique cooperation. Since their beginning, Rutano has been working only with non-animal-tested ingredients. Moreover, all products are completely vegan. In addition, social commitment is a major part of the company’s basic principles. More...
Paul, Dustie, and Blake from Between the Buried and Me have posted a video clip online listing the essentials items they need on tour. Check out the footage below.
Between The Buried And Me will be performing as part of the Summer Slaughter Tour 2012 in support of Cannibal Corpse, and along with The Faceless, Periphery, Veil of Maya, Job for a Cowboy, Goatwhore, Exhumed, and Cerebral Bore.
Christwire, a satirical site mimicking ultra-conservative Christian news outlets such as the Christian Post, has posted a show report online for the recent 2012 edition of the Maryland Death Fest titled "Exposed: Satanic Black Necrometal Posing A Grave Danger To Our Children". Enjoy some excerpts from a "good Christian's" breakdown of the festival below:
For four days in May, over Memorial Day weekend, hordes of Devil worshiping, drug crazed evildoers descended upon the unsuspecting city of Baltimore to participate in a bacchanalia of promiscuous sex, drugs, Satanic music, vandalism, arson, and enough horrid perversions in the eyes of the Lord to fill a entire library full of St. Peter’s books. This celebration of death and all that is evil made no bones about it’s purpose, titling itself “Maryland DEATHFEST”!
In order to discretely blend in so as not to arouse suspicion and suffer gruesome tortures at the hands of these heathen barbarians I donned the obligatory uniform of these so called “Metalheads”; A black t-shirt with Satanic imagery and symbols, a pair of torn, filthy jeans and faux snakeskin cowboy boots. Not able to bring myself to blaspheme the Lord, I donned a Stryper shirt which had not been washed anytime in the last decade, an adequate compromise. My hair is washed and clean cut, so I donned a long hair wig that had been soaked in beer and rubbed into the dirt to complete my disguise.
Surrounding the festival grounds were two electrified hurricane fences topped with razor wire. The outer perimeter was ringed by a moat filled with pig’s blood swimming with venomous Nepalese Deathshead Adders, while the inner perimeter was patrolled by packs of rabid, black dire wolves and syphilitic pit bulls. The entrance was staffed primarily by Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members armed with chains, zip guns and steel pipes who took every opportunity to inappropriately grope females and rough up the males, confiscating illegal drugs from would be entrants (which I witnessed them snorting behind the port-a-potties later that day).
After passing through the gauntlet of brutality at the entrance to the festival, I witnessed many ghastly sights that will haunt me for all the days of my life. I will attempt to adequately describe them here, but some of these monstrosities are so shocking and perverse that they should not even be written down, much less read by good Christian men and women (and most definitely not children!)More...
Read the full article at Christwire.
Napalm Records has issued the following statement about wanting fans to vote for the "McMetal" burger to appear in Austrian McDonald's restaurants:
"Here it is – the official 'McMETAL!' Captain Napalm’s favorite burger! Don't hesitate and vote for it! With enough votes we can get this into the Austrian McDonald's!"
Check out the "McMetal" burger below, or head over to the voting page at this location.
Vocalist Tlatecatl of preshipanic metal band Yaotl Mictlan has made the announcement that the band will be singing in English and featuring lyrics about Western culture on its next album, which should come out at the end of 2012. The following statement was made on Yaotl Mictlan's Facebook page:
Hey hermanos de metal, as you well know Yaotl Mictlan has relocated to Salt Lake City to escape political persecution in Mexico. Well, in our time in Utah we had what you would call an epiphany. All of our songs have been about jaguars, aztec temples and the Olmec culture. I realized what a big farce this is, since none of us dudes grew up during those times. How could I possibly sing about Christopher Columbus and the denigration of our culture if I still eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King and use a laptop?
So we decided to cut the crap, amigo, and I got a new appreciation for Gringo culture living here! Our next album will have themes that are reflective of this, like fast food, bling, television and American ideals. We decided to sing in English so that more people can hear our music, too. I mean, folkloric metal is not what it seems to be. These bands like Korpiklaani sing about culture and traditions that they really aren't part of. They write about vodka and beer and we all know that on the basura money we make at these gigs they are lucky to have enough dinero to buy Cisco or Boone's Farm.
Tlatecatl went on to say that the new Yaotl Mictlan release will be called "Dentro del Manto Gris de McDonald's."
Read the full article at this location.
Miami heavy metal band Black Tide have moved beyond just doing soundtrack work for Capcom's latest fighting game, they're now slated to appear in the game as fighters. Leaked info from all the on-disc DLC has shown that Austin and Gabe will be playable and their use will allow players to encounter a hidden final boss.
Sheng Long is a secret final boss accessed from using a secret button combination upon reaching Seth in campaign mode and then defeating Seth without losing a round or using a continue. Capcom promises to uncancel Mega Man Legends 2 if at least 500,000 players using different Xbox Live and PSN accounts defeat Sheng Long with members of Black Tide by July 25th.
Read the full article at this location.
Right on the heels of the stunning announcement of the departure of four of the six members of Swedish band Sabaton, vocalist Joakim Broden announced replacement members. Joining himself and bassist Pär Sundström, will be the members of the band Swahili from Portland, Oregon, or perhaps Portland, Maine - no one knows for sure.
Due to overwhelming concern from the fans, Broden commented on the new lineup on his Facebook page: "Look, I honestly don't want to get into the particulars of the split. I will say that the new incarnation of Sabaton will blow your minds. We have added three new musicians who add a whole new dimension to our music and they will be named in due time. I'll give you one clue: Swahili."
With the post was a link to the Portland psychedelic act. The new lineup has inspired Broden to delay the release of "Carolus Rex" until the summer. An employee of label Nuclear Blast, who spoke under request of anonymity, confirmed that Broden is in the studio with the new lineup - now obviously a five piece - re-recording "Carolus Rex" in Swahili as a third bonus disk. The band had previously announced that the limited edition of the new album would contain the full album in Swedish and English.
Read the full article at this location.
In a move that should surprise nobody, Dave Mustaine has joined the California 31st Field Force. Claims Mustaine,
“After four years of America moving towards a UN-run communist dictatorship, I'm taking a stand for our freedom. No more will we allow the institutions of the church and family be hijacked by the globalist plot to control us. These people who controlled the banks in ancient Israel were responsible for the death of Jesus and then interbred with all European royalty. They're scared by democracy and want to regain all their lost power by having UN peacekeeprs land on US soil with Obama's blessing. I'm proud to say that I'm now a full fledged member of the California 31st Field Force. I'm currently going through medical training with them since when the invasion hits, I want to tend to the wounded among us when the shit hits the fan. Besides, how cool would it be to say that you got CPR from the singer of Megadeth? I'll still be touring so don't worry about my militia brothers taking up too much of my time.”
Read the full article at this location.