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Archive: Just For Funs

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Pugs Go Metal With Pug Destroyer

In the grand tradition of the avian-fronted Hate Beak comes a new ani-metal band: PUG DESTROYER! Check out the new Pug Destroyer video in the player below, courtesy of AnimalNewYork.com. The video creators comment:

"When certain pugs get overexcited, they produce a loud, high-pitched sound that falls halfway between a 'squealing pig' and a 'tortured human.' When I first heard it, one coworker successfully convinced me it was the sound of a puppy having its legs chopped off. It’s intense.

"As intense, in fact, as the vocals of certain strains of extreme metal music–a fact ANIMAL decided to exploit by pairing the audio from several YouTube videos of the cacaphonous canines (completely unedited, mind you), with this death metal instrumental."

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Nuclear Blast Launches Online Metal Poker

Nuclear Blast Records has issued the following announcement about launching a new online poker platform:

"Heavy metal fans have found a new online home to party, poker and rock out. Nuclear Blast, together with kuuluu AG, launches Nuclear Blast Poker a free-to-play social platform. Nuclear Blast Poker is not just an online poker game but also a community platform where metal freaks interact, show their love for metal by styling their avatar with cool hardcore items from the shop all whilst listening to the newest music releases from Nuclear Blast label on an integrated music player. Join the game at this location or visit and play as a guest on the Nuclear Blast website.

"Nuclear Blast Poker allows all metalheads to congregate, meet new like-minded people, compete for stellar prizes and live-out their passion for metal fashion. The in-game shop players have the chance to choose items for their poker alter-ego avatar from a huge selection that shows the rest of the world what they’re really made of.

"Nuclear Blast Poker is free-to-play and all about giving metal fans the opportunity to meet each other in a new and exciting environment. Players can choose from casual tournaments, challenge friends or simply take a seat directly at a regular sit-down table to win virtual chips, gold and experience points. Furthermore, the user experience is designed with the metal fan in mind with stunning backdrops, hardcore avatars and rockin’ items, and to top it off the Nuclear Blast Player on SoundCloud blaring out the latest tracks of the label. More...

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Headbanger's Kitchen Releases 11th Episode

Headbanger's Kitchen, which is hosted by Demonstealer Records (Demonic Resurrection/Workshop/Reptilian Death), has now released an 11th episode online. Check out the clip below to view both the "demonic cookery" segment on how to conjure "Spaghetti '59" and also find the interview portion of the show with Sidharth & Jimmy from Zygnema. More...

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Amon Amarth Releases Red Wine

You can now get your very own Amon Amarth Shiraz red wine, which the band describes as "a must at any classy dinner party or as a gift to the wino friend," and the vikings have further encouraged fans to "Drink irresponsibly!" with.

Ordering info is available over at this location. The question of dozens of Facebook Amon Amarth fans will be repeated here: why wasn't this a mead instead?!?!

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"Black Metal Man" App Trailer Posted Online

If you thought words like "apps" and "iPhones" were the opposite of grim kvltness, prepare to adjust your expectations: because there's now a "Black Metal Man" platforming mobile game. Check out the lightning riding, decapitating goodness in the trailer below, or you can get the infamous app itself over at this location.

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The 8 Bit Metal Weekend Roundup

Remember those classic blocky, 8-bit tunes that got stuck in your head while playing Mega Man or Breath of Fire all Saturday afternoon as a kid? Turns out they are also the perfect medium for experiencing the best metal has to offer, and many fans online have converted their favorite tunes into 8-bit format. There are probably hundreds or even thousands of these online, and today we'll share two interesting ones worth hearing.

Fist up is a recreation of Augury's "Brimstone Landscapes" from "Fragmentary Evidence" (reviewed here), a progressive/technical death metal album that is now becoming long, looong overdue for a follow-up release. While for some reason the drums seem to have been dropped from the 8 bit version, this is still a pretty faithful reproduction of the original in old school video game form.

For comparison, here's the original track: More...

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Grave Digger Releasing Shampoo

Napalm Records has issued the following announcement about Grave Digger releasing its own shampoo:

"In cooperation with natural cosmetic expert Rutano, Germany’s power metal legends Grave Digger releases their very own 2-in-1 shampoo / shower gel.

"This combination has been especially created for the 'It-has-to-be-done-quick' moments in life. The product will be manufactured as a first-class aluminum finish and will soon be available at the Grave Digger online shop!

"Beside the practical 2-in-1 use, the major focus was on finding the right partner for this unique cooperation. Since their beginning, Rutano has been working only with non-animal-tested ingredients. Moreover, all products are completely vegan. In addition, social commitment is a major part of the company’s basic principles. More...

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BTBAM Talks Essential Tour Items

Paul, Dustie, and Blake from Between the Buried and Me have posted a video clip online listing the essentials items they need on tour. Check out the footage below.

Between The Buried And Me will be performing as part of the Summer Slaughter Tour 2012 in support of Cannibal Corpse, and along with The Faceless, Periphery, Veil of Maya, Job for a Cowboy, Goatwhore, Exhumed, and Cerebral Bore.

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Christwire Covers The Maryland Deathfest

Christwire, a satirical site mimicking ultra-conservative Christian news outlets such as the Christian Post, has posted a show report online for the recent 2012 edition of the Maryland Death Fest titled "Exposed: Satanic Black Necrometal Posing A Grave Danger To Our Children". Enjoy some excerpts from a "good Christian's" breakdown of the festival below:

For four days in May, over Memorial Day weekend, hordes of Devil worshiping, drug crazed evildoers descended upon the unsuspecting city of Baltimore to participate in a bacchanalia of promiscuous sex, drugs, Satanic music, vandalism, arson, and enough horrid perversions in the eyes of the Lord to fill a entire library full of St. Peter’s books. This celebration of death and all that is evil made no bones about it’s purpose, titling itself “Maryland DEATHFEST”!

In order to discretely blend in so as not to arouse suspicion and suffer gruesome tortures at the hands of these heathen barbarians I donned the obligatory uniform of these so called “Metalheads”; A black t-shirt with Satanic imagery and symbols, a pair of torn, filthy jeans and faux snakeskin cowboy boots. Not able to bring myself to blaspheme the Lord, I donned a Stryper shirt which had not been washed anytime in the last decade, an adequate compromise. My hair is washed and clean cut, so I donned a long hair wig that had been soaked in beer and rubbed into the dirt to complete my disguise.

Surrounding the festival grounds were two electrified hurricane fences topped with razor wire. The outer perimeter was ringed by a moat filled with pig’s blood swimming with venomous Nepalese Deathshead Adders, while the inner perimeter was patrolled by packs of rabid, black dire wolves and syphilitic pit bulls. The entrance was staffed primarily by Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members armed with chains, zip guns and steel pipes who took every opportunity to inappropriately grope females and rough up the males, confiscating illegal drugs from would be entrants (which I witnessed them snorting behind the port-a-potties later that day).

After passing through the gauntlet of brutality at the entrance to the festival, I witnessed many ghastly sights that will haunt me for all the days of my life. I will attempt to adequately describe them here, but some of these monstrosities are so shocking and perverse that they should not even be written down, much less read by good Christian men and women (and most definitely not children!)
More...

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Napalm Records Wants You To Vote "McMetal"

Napalm Records has issued the following statement about wanting fans to vote for the "McMetal" burger to appear in Austrian McDonald's restaurants:

"Here it is – the official 'McMETAL!' Captain Napalm’s favorite burger! Don't hesitate and vote for it! With enough votes we can get this into the Austrian McDonald's!"

Check out the "McMetal" burger below, or head over to the voting page at this location.

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Yaotl Mictlan Putting Out Album In English

Vocalist Tlatecatl of preshipanic metal band Yaotl Mictlan has made the announcement that the band will be singing in English and featuring lyrics about Western culture on its next album, which should come out at the end of 2012. The following statement was made on Yaotl Mictlan's Facebook page:

Hey hermanos de metal, as you well know Yaotl Mictlan has relocated to Salt Lake City to escape political persecution in Mexico. Well, in our time in Utah we had what you would call an epiphany. All of our songs have been about jaguars, aztec temples and the Olmec culture. I realized what a big farce this is, since none of us dudes grew up during those times. How could I possibly sing about Christopher Columbus and the denigration of our culture if I still eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King and use a laptop?

So we decided to cut the crap, amigo, and I got a new appreciation for Gringo culture living here! Our next album will have themes that are reflective of this, like fast food, bling, television and American ideals. We decided to sing in English so that more people can hear our music, too. I mean, folkloric metal is not what it seems to be. These bands like Korpiklaani sing about culture and traditions that they really aren't part of. They write about vodka and beer and we all know that on the basura money we make at these gigs they are lucky to have enough dinero to buy Cisco or Boone's Farm.

Tlatecatl went on to say that the new Yaotl Mictlan release will be called "Dentro del Manto Gris de McDonald's."

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Black Tide in Street Fighter X Tekken

Miami heavy metal band Black Tide have moved beyond just doing soundtrack work for Capcom's latest fighting game, they're now slated to appear in the game as fighters. Leaked info from all the on-disc DLC has shown that Austin and Gabe will be playable and their use will allow players to encounter a hidden final boss.

Sheng Long is a secret final boss accessed from using a secret button combination upon reaching Seth in campaign mode and then defeating Seth without losing a round or using a continue. Capcom promises to uncancel Mega Man Legends 2 if at least 500,000 players using different Xbox Live and PSN accounts defeat Sheng Long with members of Black Tide by July 25th.

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Sabaton Announces New Members; Adds 3rd CD

Right on the heels of the stunning announcement of the departure of four of the six members of Swedish band Sabaton, vocalist Joakim Broden announced replacement members. Joining himself and bassist Pär Sundström, will be the members of the band Swahili from Portland, Oregon, or perhaps Portland, Maine - no one knows for sure.

Due to overwhelming concern from the fans, Broden commented on the new lineup on his Facebook page: "Look, I honestly don't want to get into the particulars of the split. I will say that the new incarnation of Sabaton will blow your minds. We have added three new musicians who add a whole new dimension to our music and they will be named in due time. I'll give you one clue: Swahili."

With the post was a link to the Portland psychedelic act. The new lineup has inspired Broden to delay the release of "Carolus Rex" until the summer. An employee of label Nuclear Blast, who spoke under request of anonymity, confirmed that Broden is in the studio with the new lineup - now obviously a five piece - re-recording "Carolus Rex" in Swahili as a third bonus disk. The band had previously announced that the limited edition of the new album would contain the full album in Swedish and English.

The upcoming "Swedish Empire" tour will proceed as planned with the new lineup, however the tour will be re-dubbed as the "Swahidish Empire" tour. More...

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Dave Mustaine Joins Anti-Government Militia

In a move that should surprise nobody, Dave Mustaine has joined the California 31st Field Force. Claims Mustaine,

“After four years of America moving towards a UN-run communist dictatorship, I'm taking a stand for our freedom. No more will we allow the institutions of the church and family be hijacked by the globalist plot to control us. These people who controlled the banks in ancient Israel were responsible for the death of Jesus and then interbred with all European royalty. They're scared by democracy and want to regain all their lost power by having UN peacekeeprs land on US soil with Obama's blessing. I'm proud to say that I'm now a full fledged member of the California 31st Field Force. I'm currently going through medical training with them since when the invasion hits, I want to tend to the wounded among us when the shit hits the fan. Besides, how cool would it be to say that you got CPR from the singer of Megadeth? I'll still be touring so don't worry about my militia brothers taking up too much of my time.”

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Goatwhore Takes On Hair Metal, Changes Name

The premiere black metal band based in New Orleans, LA, debuted their new name, image and
sound this morning. Goatwhore is now to be called Goats ‘N Hoes. The quartet is emulating
1980s glam metal bands instead of the hardcore and black metal bands that they used to
enjoy. For example, instead of wearing all black clothing and spiked gauntlets, they now adorn
themselves in head-to-toe Spandex. When asked about why the band has undergone such a
radical change, vocalist Ben Falgoust, whose stage name is now King Louis the Third, was
quoted as saying, “Everybody needs to change their styles after a while. Neon pink is the new
black.” In addition to his outlandish new wardrobe, he outfitted his microphone with scarves
and dangling jewels, and he enjoys throwing Spree candies and frozen Peeps, his favorite treat,
into the audience. It has also been rumored that all of the members have been stuffing their tight
Spandex pants with cucumber-like objects. This has been noticed because they often perform
pelvic thrusts in the faces of those in the front row.

All of the band members have embraced the change. For instance, bassist James Harvey, new
name Sweetums, has thrown away his signature jean vest with band patches, bought a Bedazzler,
and makes gemmed-belts for the band as well as for sale at the merch booth. Guitarist Sammy
Duet, Lieutenant Duet, is not often seen without his army general's hat with a very large pink
feather in it. And not to be outdone, drummer Zack Simmons, Zack Attack, puts black light paint
on his drums that spray flourescent colors on him as he plays.

In addition to their new songs like “Skin Tight, Alright,” “Torturous Pleasure in the Mid-day
Sun,” and “I’ll Call You Up, You’ll Lick Me Down,” Goats N’ Hoes enjoys playing cover songs
from bands like “Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest and “Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Hanoi
Rocks. There have been cell phone-shot videos of GNH playing George Michael’s “Careless
Whisper” and Tim Capello’s “I Still Believe” live. But with all of this change, they have not
completely abandoned their past. In fact, they’ve reworked some of their material to fit their new
image. For example, the song “Apocalyptic Havoc,” which contains the infamous lyric “Who
needs a God when you’ve got Satan” has been changed into the song “Apocalyptic Party Time,”
and the aforementioned lyric is now “Who needs Satan when you’ve got hairspray.”

Not all of their fans care for this change as they have begun burning Spandex in effigy; and
going to the hospital with toxic chemical inhalation as a result. But their shows are more packed
than ever. Thousands new fans have been flocking to their shows, many of whom bear tattoos
featuring the bands Ratt, Poison, and Ratt Poison. Female-attendance has grown 75%. Goats N'
Hoes has begun working on songs for a new album entitled "Goat-Faced Girl in a Teeny Pink
Bikini."

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Judas Priest To Release Epic New Compilation Album

Legendary U.K. metal band Judas Priest announced that the band will release yet another compilation album later this year. The compilation is entitled "Nostradamus Predicted This: The Best Of Judas Priest" and is scheduled for release on December 22, 2012. The release contains many other rarities that hadn't made it on any of the band's previous compilation albums or studio album reissues.

Vocalist Rob Halford commented on the release: "When we threw out the idea of another compilation, I was initially against it. I said to Glen [Tipton], we have done this many times in the past. However, I don't think anyone but Nostradamus could have predicted what we were able to present with this one. After 27 compilation albums, we finally got it right."

The following is the track list of the timeless treasures to be included on the release. The stunning renditions of the following Priest classics were remastered from the original remastered editions:

1. Breaking the Law
2. Tyrant
3. The Ripper
4. Hot Rockin'
5. Living After Midnight
6. Freewheel Burning
7. Hell Bent for Leather
8. Turbo Lover
9. Painkiller
10. Victim of Changes

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Korn To Release Tween Wave Album

Following the recent success of their dubstep album, "The Path Of Totality," Californian nu metal pioneers Korn has announced that they will soon be releasing a tween wave album entitled, "KornHoled." Lead singer Jonathan Davis commented:

"It’s the next logical step. Korn has always been able to update their sound to stay fresh. It’s sad to hear people discourage evolution by criticizing music they couldn’t write themselves or simply write us off by ignorantly stating, 'You’re Getting Old,' but we know that our true fans will love ‘KornHoled,’ and by extension, buy it."

As of yet no release date or cover art has been released for the album, but it will reportedly feature the following song titles:

"Fleetwood Cack"
"Shits And Ladders"
"Twisted Toilet"
"Life Is Stinky"
"Falling To Faeces"
"Writers Who Use Toilet Humour To Get A Cheap Laugh And Reference Other Peoples Hard Work Are Fucking Assholes" More...

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Metallica Teaming Up With Fred Durst For New Album

Today in our Sunday Old School, we featured ground breaking metal veterans Limp Bizkit. Today, James Hetfield staged a press conference at 7:00 a.m. eastern time to announce that the band would be collaborating with Fred Durst on its next album. The following exerpt comes from the Metallica frontman:

"After the miserable sales of Lulu, we decided to stop collaborating with sextagenarians and go for the true pulse of young nu-metal. So now I unveil for you "Fredtallica." Durst has more energy and moves than anyone in metal today, especially me! I mean does it get more savage than 'Nookie?' We've been writing killer tunes together and of course slapped 'Tallica on each of them. We're looking at the working title of 'Garbage Days Revisited,' since lately with each album we keep going back to a pile of rubbish.

The album will be produced by Mutt Lange and released on the freshest label ever, Victory Records. It doesn't get more metal than Design the Skyline! That band and The Bunny The Bear have been invited to headline at our Orion Fest! We also plan to do covers of brutal metal bands like Ax7 and Modest Mouse. Who wants to hear old dinosaurs like Budgie or Holocaust? Not us. Metal up your ass!

After earning our top honors for metal album of the year with "Lulu," we would expect nothing less from these pioneers of metal. Check out the cover artwork and tracklisting for "Garbage Days Revisited" below.

Fake Stuff
Wankster Messiah
Suck & Destroy
Significant Bother
Hot Dog Flavored Metal
The CD That Should Not Be
Disposable Posers
Three Dollar Bull


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Janick Gers Admits He Never Played In Iron Maiden

In an epic exclusive interview to appear on Metal Underground, Iron Maiden reveals some of the most shocking information about the band's past, present and future. The interview involving all band members past and present is a collaborative effort from the entire Metal Underground staff and was conducted in secret over the course of six months from July 2011 to December 2011 and was spearheaded by Metal Underground owner Doug Gibson. Now, after an additional three months of editing, the interview will be released as a 42 part series beginning tomorrow at some time between the hours of 2:00am to 8:00pm, with another successive part each day as a celebration of the band's upcoming North American Tour.

In part one of the massive undertaking, guitarist Janick Gers makes the shocking admission to MU Staff writer Michael "OverkillExposure" Smith that he actually has never played a note both in the studio or live. The following is an excerpt from the interview:

Michael Smith: Now I have been watching closely to many of the bands performances over the years. How is it possible that you can swing your guitar fight off a towering Eddie monster with it and still actually play?

Janick Gers: It's funny because I get this all the time. Honestly, if you pulled my guitar cord all the way out, it actually isn't plugged in.

Michael Smith: Come again? Are you saying that you aren't actually playing? Just one show or all of them?

Janick Gers: All of them. Frankly, I never played a lick since Adrian re-joined the band, both in the studio or at gigs. The band said 'thanks Janick, but Adrian is back.' I asked them if I could stick around so long as I don't interfere with the rest of the band.

Michael Smith: So who's idea was it to agree to have a third guitarist that doesn't play?

Janick Gers: We all agreed that it would be cool to be known as a band with three guitarists. Originally, we had an idea of me playing rhythm live while Dave and Adrian played dueling solos. That idea didn't last as Dave and Adrian wanted to showcase their talents separately. So at that point I said, well I'll just provide the entertainment. Send Eddie after me and I'll play along.

Michael Smith: So, wouldn't this just be a version of air guitaring?

Janick Gers: Well....no - I have a guitar on. Occasionally, I pluck a string.

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Dani Filth To Appear In The Hobbit

In more metal related movie news, the producers of the highly anticipated movie adaptations of J.R.R. Tolkien’s "The Hobbit" recently revealed that Cradle Of Filth frontman, Dani Filth will be appearing in one of the movies in a small, as yet unrevealed cameo role.

"We noticed that the work of Tolkien is biggest in today’s youth culture amongst heavy metal and nerdcore hip-hop fans, so we figured we’d give them something to get excited about. We looked into the former culture a lot more and were excited to see that a band called Blind Guardian had done a whole concept album based on The Silmarillion and that the average Saxon fan looks like the lovable dwarf, Gimli, so it seemed like a good idea to include a true metal giant in the film."

Obviously, roles were hard to come by in a film featuring the phenomenal acting talents of Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Brian Blessed and Britain’s most beloved national treasure, Stephen Fry, which is why Filth’s role will only be a small one. "He was definitely a little disappointed not to have a big role," said the producer, "but he eventually reached the same conclusion that we’d come to, and will be delivering an eye catching performance in the Shire."

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