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Archive: Just For Funs

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The 8 Bit Metal Weekend Roundup

Remember those classic blocky, 8-bit tunes that got stuck in your head while playing Mega Man or Breath of Fire all Saturday afternoon as a kid? Turns out they are also the perfect medium for experiencing the best metal has to offer, and many fans online have converted their favorite tunes into 8-bit format. There are probably hundreds or even thousands of these online, and today we'll share two interesting ones worth hearing.

Fist up is a recreation of Augury's "Brimstone Landscapes" from "Fragmentary Evidence" (reviewed here), a progressive/technical death metal album that is now becoming long, looong overdue for a follow-up release. While for some reason the drums seem to have been dropped from the 8 bit version, this is still a pretty faithful reproduction of the original in old school video game form.

For comparison, here's the original track: More...

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Grave Digger Releasing Shampoo

Napalm Records has issued the following announcement about Grave Digger releasing its own shampoo:

"In cooperation with natural cosmetic expert Rutano, Germany’s power metal legends Grave Digger releases their very own 2-in-1 shampoo / shower gel.

"This combination has been especially created for the 'It-has-to-be-done-quick' moments in life. The product will be manufactured as a first-class aluminum finish and will soon be available at the Grave Digger online shop!

"Beside the practical 2-in-1 use, the major focus was on finding the right partner for this unique cooperation. Since their beginning, Rutano has been working only with non-animal-tested ingredients. Moreover, all products are completely vegan. In addition, social commitment is a major part of the company’s basic principles. More...

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BTBAM Talks Essential Tour Items

Paul, Dustie, and Blake from Between the Buried and Me have posted a video clip online listing the essentials items they need on tour. Check out the footage below.

Between The Buried And Me will be performing as part of the Summer Slaughter Tour 2012 in support of Cannibal Corpse, and along with The Faceless, Periphery, Veil of Maya, Job for a Cowboy, Goatwhore, Exhumed, and Cerebral Bore.

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Christwire Covers The Maryland Deathfest

Christwire, a satirical site mimicking ultra-conservative Christian news outlets such as the Christian Post, has posted a show report online for the recent 2012 edition of the Maryland Death Fest titled "Exposed: Satanic Black Necrometal Posing A Grave Danger To Our Children". Enjoy some excerpts from a "good Christian's" breakdown of the festival below:

For four days in May, over Memorial Day weekend, hordes of Devil worshiping, drug crazed evildoers descended upon the unsuspecting city of Baltimore to participate in a bacchanalia of promiscuous sex, drugs, Satanic music, vandalism, arson, and enough horrid perversions in the eyes of the Lord to fill a entire library full of St. Peter’s books. This celebration of death and all that is evil made no bones about it’s purpose, titling itself “Maryland DEATHFEST”!

In order to discretely blend in so as not to arouse suspicion and suffer gruesome tortures at the hands of these heathen barbarians I donned the obligatory uniform of these so called “Metalheads”; A black t-shirt with Satanic imagery and symbols, a pair of torn, filthy jeans and faux snakeskin cowboy boots. Not able to bring myself to blaspheme the Lord, I donned a Stryper shirt which had not been washed anytime in the last decade, an adequate compromise. My hair is washed and clean cut, so I donned a long hair wig that had been soaked in beer and rubbed into the dirt to complete my disguise.

Surrounding the festival grounds were two electrified hurricane fences topped with razor wire. The outer perimeter was ringed by a moat filled with pig’s blood swimming with venomous Nepalese Deathshead Adders, while the inner perimeter was patrolled by packs of rabid, black dire wolves and syphilitic pit bulls. The entrance was staffed primarily by Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members armed with chains, zip guns and steel pipes who took every opportunity to inappropriately grope females and rough up the males, confiscating illegal drugs from would be entrants (which I witnessed them snorting behind the port-a-potties later that day).

After passing through the gauntlet of brutality at the entrance to the festival, I witnessed many ghastly sights that will haunt me for all the days of my life. I will attempt to adequately describe them here, but some of these monstrosities are so shocking and perverse that they should not even be written down, much less read by good Christian men and women (and most definitely not children!)
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Napalm Records Wants You To Vote "McMetal"

Napalm Records has issued the following statement about wanting fans to vote for the "McMetal" burger to appear in Austrian McDonald's restaurants:

"Here it is – the official 'McMETAL!' Captain Napalm’s favorite burger! Don't hesitate and vote for it! With enough votes we can get this into the Austrian McDonald's!"

Check out the "McMetal" burger below, or head over to the voting page at this location.

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Yaotl Mictlan Putting Out Album In English

Vocalist Tlatecatl of preshipanic metal band Yaotl Mictlan has made the announcement that the band will be singing in English and featuring lyrics about Western culture on its next album, which should come out at the end of 2012. The following statement was made on Yaotl Mictlan's Facebook page:

Hey hermanos de metal, as you well know Yaotl Mictlan has relocated to Salt Lake City to escape political persecution in Mexico. Well, in our time in Utah we had what you would call an epiphany. All of our songs have been about jaguars, aztec temples and the Olmec culture. I realized what a big farce this is, since none of us dudes grew up during those times. How could I possibly sing about Christopher Columbus and the denigration of our culture if I still eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King and use a laptop?

So we decided to cut the crap, amigo, and I got a new appreciation for Gringo culture living here! Our next album will have themes that are reflective of this, like fast food, bling, television and American ideals. We decided to sing in English so that more people can hear our music, too. I mean, folkloric metal is not what it seems to be. These bands like Korpiklaani sing about culture and traditions that they really aren't part of. They write about vodka and beer and we all know that on the basura money we make at these gigs they are lucky to have enough dinero to buy Cisco or Boone's Farm.

Tlatecatl went on to say that the new Yaotl Mictlan release will be called "Dentro del Manto Gris de McDonald's."

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Black Tide in Street Fighter X Tekken

Miami heavy metal band Black Tide have moved beyond just doing soundtrack work for Capcom's latest fighting game, they're now slated to appear in the game as fighters. Leaked info from all the on-disc DLC has shown that Austin and Gabe will be playable and their use will allow players to encounter a hidden final boss.

Sheng Long is a secret final boss accessed from using a secret button combination upon reaching Seth in campaign mode and then defeating Seth without losing a round or using a continue. Capcom promises to uncancel Mega Man Legends 2 if at least 500,000 players using different Xbox Live and PSN accounts defeat Sheng Long with members of Black Tide by July 25th.

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Sabaton Announces New Members; Adds 3rd CD

Right on the heels of the stunning announcement of the departure of four of the six members of Swedish band Sabaton, vocalist Joakim Broden announced replacement members. Joining himself and bassist Pär Sundström, will be the members of the band Swahili from Portland, Oregon, or perhaps Portland, Maine - no one knows for sure.

Due to overwhelming concern from the fans, Broden commented on the new lineup on his Facebook page: "Look, I honestly don't want to get into the particulars of the split. I will say that the new incarnation of Sabaton will blow your minds. We have added three new musicians who add a whole new dimension to our music and they will be named in due time. I'll give you one clue: Swahili."

With the post was a link to the Portland psychedelic act. The new lineup has inspired Broden to delay the release of "Carolus Rex" until the summer. An employee of label Nuclear Blast, who spoke under request of anonymity, confirmed that Broden is in the studio with the new lineup - now obviously a five piece - re-recording "Carolus Rex" in Swahili as a third bonus disk. The band had previously announced that the limited edition of the new album would contain the full album in Swedish and English.

The upcoming "Swedish Empire" tour will proceed as planned with the new lineup, however the tour will be re-dubbed as the "Swahidish Empire" tour. More...

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Dave Mustaine Joins Anti-Government Militia

In a move that should surprise nobody, Dave Mustaine has joined the California 31st Field Force. Claims Mustaine,

“After four years of America moving towards a UN-run communist dictatorship, I'm taking a stand for our freedom. No more will we allow the institutions of the church and family be hijacked by the globalist plot to control us. These people who controlled the banks in ancient Israel were responsible for the death of Jesus and then interbred with all European royalty. They're scared by democracy and want to regain all their lost power by having UN peacekeeprs land on US soil with Obama's blessing. I'm proud to say that I'm now a full fledged member of the California 31st Field Force. I'm currently going through medical training with them since when the invasion hits, I want to tend to the wounded among us when the shit hits the fan. Besides, how cool would it be to say that you got CPR from the singer of Megadeth? I'll still be touring so don't worry about my militia brothers taking up too much of my time.”

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Goatwhore Takes On Hair Metal, Changes Name

The premiere black metal band based in New Orleans, LA, debuted their new name, image and
sound this morning. Goatwhore is now to be called Goats ‘N Hoes. The quartet is emulating
1980s glam metal bands instead of the hardcore and black metal bands that they used to
enjoy. For example, instead of wearing all black clothing and spiked gauntlets, they now adorn
themselves in head-to-toe Spandex. When asked about why the band has undergone such a
radical change, vocalist Ben Falgoust, whose stage name is now King Louis the Third, was
quoted as saying, “Everybody needs to change their styles after a while. Neon pink is the new
black.” In addition to his outlandish new wardrobe, he outfitted his microphone with scarves
and dangling jewels, and he enjoys throwing Spree candies and frozen Peeps, his favorite treat,
into the audience. It has also been rumored that all of the members have been stuffing their tight
Spandex pants with cucumber-like objects. This has been noticed because they often perform
pelvic thrusts in the faces of those in the front row.

All of the band members have embraced the change. For instance, bassist James Harvey, new
name Sweetums, has thrown away his signature jean vest with band patches, bought a Bedazzler,
and makes gemmed-belts for the band as well as for sale at the merch booth. Guitarist Sammy
Duet, Lieutenant Duet, is not often seen without his army general's hat with a very large pink
feather in it. And not to be outdone, drummer Zack Simmons, Zack Attack, puts black light paint
on his drums that spray flourescent colors on him as he plays.

In addition to their new songs like “Skin Tight, Alright,” “Torturous Pleasure in the Mid-day
Sun,” and “I’ll Call You Up, You’ll Lick Me Down,” Goats N’ Hoes enjoys playing cover songs
from bands like “Turbo Lover” by Judas Priest and “Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Hanoi
Rocks. There have been cell phone-shot videos of GNH playing George Michael’s “Careless
Whisper” and Tim Capello’s “I Still Believe” live. But with all of this change, they have not
completely abandoned their past. In fact, they’ve reworked some of their material to fit their new
image. For example, the song “Apocalyptic Havoc,” which contains the infamous lyric “Who
needs a God when you’ve got Satan” has been changed into the song “Apocalyptic Party Time,”
and the aforementioned lyric is now “Who needs Satan when you’ve got hairspray.”

Not all of their fans care for this change as they have begun burning Spandex in effigy; and
going to the hospital with toxic chemical inhalation as a result. But their shows are more packed
than ever. Thousands new fans have been flocking to their shows, many of whom bear tattoos
featuring the bands Ratt, Poison, and Ratt Poison. Female-attendance has grown 75%. Goats N'
Hoes has begun working on songs for a new album entitled "Goat-Faced Girl in a Teeny Pink
Bikini."

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Judas Priest To Release Epic New Compilation Album

Legendary U.K. metal band Judas Priest announced that the band will release yet another compilation album later this year. The compilation is entitled "Nostradamus Predicted This: The Best Of Judas Priest" and is scheduled for release on December 22, 2012. The release contains many other rarities that hadn't made it on any of the band's previous compilation albums or studio album reissues.

Vocalist Rob Halford commented on the release: "When we threw out the idea of another compilation, I was initially against it. I said to Glen [Tipton], we have done this many times in the past. However, I don't think anyone but Nostradamus could have predicted what we were able to present with this one. After 27 compilation albums, we finally got it right."

The following is the track list of the timeless treasures to be included on the release. The stunning renditions of the following Priest classics were remastered from the original remastered editions:

1. Breaking the Law
2. Tyrant
3. The Ripper
4. Hot Rockin'
5. Living After Midnight
6. Freewheel Burning
7. Hell Bent for Leather
8. Turbo Lover
9. Painkiller
10. Victim of Changes

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Korn To Release Tween Wave Album

Following the recent success of their dubstep album, "The Path Of Totality," Californian nu metal pioneers Korn has announced that they will soon be releasing a tween wave album entitled, "KornHoled." Lead singer Jonathan Davis commented:

"It’s the next logical step. Korn has always been able to update their sound to stay fresh. It’s sad to hear people discourage evolution by criticizing music they couldn’t write themselves or simply write us off by ignorantly stating, 'You’re Getting Old,' but we know that our true fans will love ‘KornHoled,’ and by extension, buy it."

As of yet no release date or cover art has been released for the album, but it will reportedly feature the following song titles:

"Fleetwood Cack"
"Shits And Ladders"
"Twisted Toilet"
"Life Is Stinky"
"Falling To Faeces"
"Writers Who Use Toilet Humour To Get A Cheap Laugh And Reference Other Peoples Hard Work Are Fucking Assholes" More...

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Metallica Teaming Up With Fred Durst For New Album

Today in our Sunday Old School, we featured ground breaking metal veterans Limp Bizkit. Today, James Hetfield staged a press conference at 7:00 a.m. eastern time to announce that the band would be collaborating with Fred Durst on its next album. The following exerpt comes from the Metallica frontman:

"After the miserable sales of Lulu, we decided to stop collaborating with sextagenarians and go for the true pulse of young nu-metal. So now I unveil for you "Fredtallica." Durst has more energy and moves than anyone in metal today, especially me! I mean does it get more savage than 'Nookie?' We've been writing killer tunes together and of course slapped 'Tallica on each of them. We're looking at the working title of 'Garbage Days Revisited,' since lately with each album we keep going back to a pile of rubbish.

The album will be produced by Mutt Lange and released on the freshest label ever, Victory Records. It doesn't get more metal than Design the Skyline! That band and The Bunny The Bear have been invited to headline at our Orion Fest! We also plan to do covers of brutal metal bands like Ax7 and Modest Mouse. Who wants to hear old dinosaurs like Budgie or Holocaust? Not us. Metal up your ass!

After earning our top honors for metal album of the year with "Lulu," we would expect nothing less from these pioneers of metal. Check out the cover artwork and tracklisting for "Garbage Days Revisited" below.

Fake Stuff
Wankster Messiah
Suck & Destroy
Significant Bother
Hot Dog Flavored Metal
The CD That Should Not Be
Disposable Posers
Three Dollar Bull


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Janick Gers Admits He Never Played In Iron Maiden

In an epic exclusive interview to appear on Metal Underground, Iron Maiden reveals some of the most shocking information about the band's past, present and future. The interview involving all band members past and present is a collaborative effort from the entire Metal Underground staff and was conducted in secret over the course of six months from July 2011 to December 2011 and was spearheaded by Metal Underground owner Doug Gibson. Now, after an additional three months of editing, the interview will be released as a 42 part series beginning tomorrow at some time between the hours of 2:00am to 8:00pm, with another successive part each day as a celebration of the band's upcoming North American Tour.

In part one of the massive undertaking, guitarist Janick Gers makes the shocking admission to MU Staff writer Michael "OverkillExposure" Smith that he actually has never played a note both in the studio or live. The following is an excerpt from the interview:

Michael Smith: Now I have been watching closely to many of the bands performances over the years. How is it possible that you can swing your guitar fight off a towering Eddie monster with it and still actually play?

Janick Gers: It's funny because I get this all the time. Honestly, if you pulled my guitar cord all the way out, it actually isn't plugged in.

Michael Smith: Come again? Are you saying that you aren't actually playing? Just one show or all of them?

Janick Gers: All of them. Frankly, I never played a lick since Adrian re-joined the band, both in the studio or at gigs. The band said 'thanks Janick, but Adrian is back.' I asked them if I could stick around so long as I don't interfere with the rest of the band.

Michael Smith: So who's idea was it to agree to have a third guitarist that doesn't play?

Janick Gers: We all agreed that it would be cool to be known as a band with three guitarists. Originally, we had an idea of me playing rhythm live while Dave and Adrian played dueling solos. That idea didn't last as Dave and Adrian wanted to showcase their talents separately. So at that point I said, well I'll just provide the entertainment. Send Eddie after me and I'll play along.

Michael Smith: So, wouldn't this just be a version of air guitaring?

Janick Gers: Well....no - I have a guitar on. Occasionally, I pluck a string.

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Dani Filth To Appear In The Hobbit

In more metal related movie news, the producers of the highly anticipated movie adaptations of J.R.R. Tolkien’s "The Hobbit" recently revealed that Cradle Of Filth frontman, Dani Filth will be appearing in one of the movies in a small, as yet unrevealed cameo role.

"We noticed that the work of Tolkien is biggest in today’s youth culture amongst heavy metal and nerdcore hip-hop fans, so we figured we’d give them something to get excited about. We looked into the former culture a lot more and were excited to see that a band called Blind Guardian had done a whole concept album based on The Silmarillion and that the average Saxon fan looks like the lovable dwarf, Gimli, so it seemed like a good idea to include a true metal giant in the film."

Obviously, roles were hard to come by in a film featuring the phenomenal acting talents of Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Brian Blessed and Britain’s most beloved national treasure, Stephen Fry, which is why Filth’s role will only be a small one. "He was definitely a little disappointed not to have a big role," said the producer, "but he eventually reached the same conclusion that we’d come to, and will be delivering an eye catching performance in the Shire."

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Machine Head To Perform "Supercharger" In Full

Machine Head has issued the following statement through Roadrunner Records:

“We could not be more stoked about the overwhelming love and support we’ve received over the past six months since we put out [latest studio album “Unto The Locust”]. “Through The Ashes Of Empires” [2004] was literally a new start for the band, and things have only skyrocketed from there. Ten years ago, we wouldn’t have dreamed we’d be getting Grammy-nominated for “The Blackening” [2007] or winding up on everybody’s year-end list for “Locust.” Now, looking back, it’s really a dream come true.

“That’s why we felt it was necessary to commemorate an overlooked segment of Machine Head’s history, an experimental and controversial period that wound up sparking our rebirth. “Supercharger” has been misunderstood by most metal fans – and disagreed upon by members of the band to this day – since we put it out in the fall of 2001, and some would say it’s not worth a tenth anniversary, but you know what? Fuck it! Machine Head sprung from thrash roots, which have always had a real punk vibe and attitude. So what could be more punk rock than defying expectations by performing the entire album, front to back, at our festival gigs this summer? 2002 was a low point for us, but remembering the bittersweet, tough times along with the good is what keeps us creative and strong.”

Machine Head are set to appear at several major European metal festivals this upcoming summer, including Download, Graspop, and Hellfest, where – according to the above statement and a confirmation from Roadrunner – their setlist will consist of all fourteen tracks of their 2001 release “Supercharger.”

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Sunday Old School: Limp Bizkit

Some bands become huge names only in their genres, some become worldwide stars, some even change the world. Limp Bizkit are so much more important than any of these bands that it’s not even funny. Formed in 1994 by bass player Sam Rivers, his cousin John Otto, and vocalist Fred Durst, who many scholars suspect of being a descendant of William Shakespeare, they were soon joined by a guitarist named Wes Borland, who would often paint his face the colour of flesh and wear brown contact lenses in public, disguising his pale white face and black eyes, which he would only reveal on stage. The appeal of the band was immediate, and despite being an unsigned group, they were able to gain such a following that even major acts like Sugar Ray, widely considered to be the Rolling Stones of their day, opened for them. Durst attempted to get the band signed to several major labels, but fearing the power and influence they would be unleashing upon the world, many cowardly A&R reps passed on it. During this time, Durst also met Korn members Fieldy and Head, for whom he tattooed, in work which would now be displayed in the Louvre, were the musicians not too scared to have body parts amputated for display purposes. After listening to a Limp Bizkit demo, Korn brought the young band on tour with them twice, leading them to tour with hip-hop heavyweights House Of Pain, who after witnessing the young group, decided to just give up and the group’s turntablist DJ Lethal was granted the privilege of joining Limp Bizkit soon after.

Now with a full lineup, the group soon signed with Flip Records, a subsidiary of Interscope Records, for the release of their debut album, which was entitled, "Three Dollar Bill Yall$," in reference to the famous three dollar pricing tag the people of Pompeii put on shares, which caused an economic meltdown and ultimately their demise. The record was charged with strong meanings within it’s songs such as "Pollution," which led to a rise in the sales of hybrid cars, "Stink Finger," which encouraged more men everywhere to book prostate exams, a cover of the hit George Michael song, "Faith," which was solely responsible for reviving the former Wham! singer’s career and "Stalemate," a tribute to the world famous chess player Bobby Fischer. The album was a smash hit and soon their popularity had eclipsed that of breathing, despite a few bad reviews from philistine journalists who refused to acknowledge the ground breaking album. More...

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Glenn Danzig Signs Endorsement Deals

Samhain/Misfits and Danzig frontman Glenn Danzig has revealed that he has signed two lucrative endorsement deals with Campbell's Soup and Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers. He decided to become a pitchman for the products after coming to the realization that he has no desire to tour or play live again after last year's Fun Fun Fun Fest. He can now sit at home and collect money from ad revenues and devote more time to recording.

The multi-million dollar ad spot campaign will feature Glenn promoting the new product "Glenn's French Onion Soup" once it kicks off in June. He has teamed up with the Vegan Black Metal Chef to create the perfect fiery recipe. Also, Glenn will be appearing in television spots for Wendy's pitching the newly introduced hell-roasted Chicken sandwiches, since chicken is what he is about. Glenn will be featured in the ads with clips from his "Mother" video, slaying the chicken. Glenn is reportedly happy that he can devote more time to staying off the road.

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Rhapsody Of Fire Bows Out Of North American Tour

Rhapsody Of Fire announced that the band has backed out it's first ever North American Tour. However, the tour will proceed as planned with Luca Turilli's Rhapsody filling the void. In a statement released by Rhapsody of Fire keyboardist Alex Staropoli, the band cited Tom Hess' lack of time to prepare along with the overwhelming momentum after Luca Turilli's announcement of Alessandro Conti as new vocalist.

The statement reads: "We simply did not have enough time to prepare properly to give our fans the show they truly deserve. Luca [Turilli] said he would be able to fill in and he is more than a worthy replacement. He is on quite a roll since announcing the new album and vocalist."

Luca Turilli commented: "I jumped right on this momentous opportunity, something we were unable to do before the split. Alessandro is more than ready and we can't wait to unleash this great band upon North America." Turilli added jokingly: "We didn't even have to change the posters! I wonder if anyone will notice the difference?"

Confirmed dates for Luca Turilli's Rhapsody & Voyager are as follows: More...

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Beastie Boys To Embark On Hardcore Tour

Legendary American hip-hop trio the Beastie Boys has announced plans for a North American club tour this Summer, where they will be performing only material from their old hardcore punk days. When the Beastie Boys were formed in 1981, they performed hardcore punk much in the same vein as Black Flag and Minor Threat, and supported the likes of Bad Brains, Dead Kennedys and the Misfits, before adopting the hip-hop sounds they would become known for in 1984. They recently harked back to their hardcore sound on their latest album, "The Hot Sauce Committee Part Two," which featured the hardcore styled song, "Lee Majors Come Again."

They will be joined on the tour by some of the biggest names in old school hardcore, including the iconic Bad Brains, who Beastie Boy Adam Yauch has described as one of his biggest influences, particularly bass player Daryl Jennifer, as well as Reagan Youth, Angry Samoans and British legends Discharge, all of whom are considered hugely influential in the realm of the original hardcore punk movements.

A spokesman for the Beastie Boys stated: "The guys are really excited to not only be getting back to their roots by performing in clubs, but to be embarking on a tour that features so many other great names in punk. At the moment, the plan is simply to go out and have fun but if the demand is big enough, an EP of new music is very possible."

No tour dates have been revealed as of yet, but the trek is expected to commence in late June, and run until early to mid August. Stay tuned for further information. More...

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