Gwar Fails To Nasally Violate Dave Matthews Band Or Jay-Z

Band Photo: Gwar (?)

As the 25th Anniversary of Gwar plunges onward, the band descended upon the Bonnaroo festival for a performance that garnered the band SPIN Online's award for both best and worst act on the third day of the popular, drug-soaked music and art spectacle.

"A lot of people were very surprised to see us on the Bonnaroo stage", said lead front-thing Oderus Urungus. "But the more traditionally heavy festivals, such as Ozzfest or Warped, who claim to support underground and heavy music, have consistently denied Gwar, the heaviest underground band EVER! And what's even more ironic is that it took a bunch of tree-hugging hippies to give Gwar their biggest and best gig to date in the U.S. And that's after years of killing them onstage. Thank you, hippies!"

The band had publicly pledged to nasally violate the entire Dave Matthews Band, then had expanded the threat to include Jay-Z. But it was actually comedian Margaret Cho who became the sexual play thing to the band. To the chant of "Cho is a ho,” she took the stage during the bands encore and allowed Oderus to "fuck her face off." Footage of the disgusting event can be viewed below.

After the show, Gwar led a procession of blood-soaked fans to the "Mushroom Fountain," where they had promised to make the waters "run red with blood,." The spectacle was met with mixed results. "We didn't kill enough babies," said Oderus. "It came out kinda pink."

You can still catch Gwar live on the following dates:

6/16 Richmond, VA @ The National
6/17 Allentown, PA @ Crocodile Rock
6/18 Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
6/19 Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
6/20 Boston, MA @ House of Blues
6/22 Farmingdale, NY @ The Crazy Donkey
6/23 Syracuse, NY @ Westcott Theater
6/24 Millvale, PA @ Mr. Small’s Theater
6/25 Lexington, KY @ Buster’s Billiards & Backroom
7/2 Hamburg – Markthalle (Germany)
7/3 Roitzschjora – With Full Force (Germany)
7/4 München – Backstage (Germany)
7/5 Vienna – Scene (Austria)
7/7 Zizers – Event Stage (Switzerland)
7/8 Lindau – Club Vaudeville (Germany)
7/9 Stuttgart – Röhre (Germany)
7/10 La Bathie – Savoie Rock Festival (France)
7/11 Paris – Nouveau Casino (France)
7/12 Heidelberg – Halle 02 (Germany)
7/13 Aachen – Musikbunker (Germany)
7/14 Essen – Zeche Carl (Germany)
7/15 Leiden – LVC (Netherlands)
7/16 Dour – Dour Festival (Belgium)
7/17 Schloß Holte – Serengeti Festival (Germany)
8/11 Budapest – Sziget Festival (Hungary)
8/12 Jaromer – Brutal Assault Festival (Czech Republic)
8/13 Augsburg – Kantine (Germany)
8/14 Ulft - Huntenpop (Netherlands)
8/15 Derby – Bloodstock (Great Britain)
8/17 Rostock – Mau Club (Germany)
8/18 Berlin – SO36 (Germany)
8/19 Saarbrücken – Garage (Germany)
8/20 Dinkelsbühl – Summer Breeze Festival (Germany)
8/21 Lierop – Nirwana Tuinfest (Netherlands)