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DragonForce Slays Career and Gets Rejected by Tarja Turunen

It’s 6:41 in Eastern Canada and I have just received news of problems within DragonForce. Herman Lee has given me the following information to confirm for their fan base world-wide: their lead singer has quit the band and now works in the homosexual pornography ring, and Herman now composes all of Nintendo’s music. A remix of Ultra Beatdown will be made available for download on Xbox Live with even more game sounds and the same stuff you’ve heard before. Lastly, when they asked Tarja Turunen to do a collaboration with them, she replied simply with, "Fuck that. Even I haven’t sunk that low yet."

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21 Comments on "DragonForce Slays Career and Gets Rejected"

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SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

1. SHREDDER13 writes:

LOL....nice one Inferno

\m/ "Tired & Red" by Sodom \m/

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 7:21 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

2. InfernoNecrosis writes:

Haha thanks, Shred. How are you anyway?

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 7:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

Member

3. GORECUNT writes:

Nice burn Inferno! Sounds almost true. lol

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 7:32 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

4. SHREDDER13 writes:

I'm doing great man! Been busy these past few days running missions. How bout yourself?...

\m/ "Pleasure To Kill" by Kreator \m/

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 8:02 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

5. InfernoNecrosis writes:

I'm tired and hungry and today was good though I totally bombed my job interview, hahah. I discovered that the former Black Lotus Records owner now lives in my city! How weird! I need to find out his number. Maybe there IS some metal to be had in this city.

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 8:07 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

6. SHREDDER13 writes:

Man your job interviews are multiplying like rabbits!
Well, you find that guy and give him a call.

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 8:10 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

7. InfernoNecrosis writes:

I will! Metal barely exists in this city as it is, and it would be cool to maybe at least talk to him so maybe he can work with some bands that I know of.

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 8:13 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

8. SHREDDER13 writes:

Spread The Fire Inferno...
Spread it as far as you can! Just not too far because you might burn something.

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 8:45 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

9. InfernoNecrosis writes:

That reminds me of something I saw on the cover of Cosmo one time:

"50 Sexy Moves to Start a Bonfire In His Pants... and His Heart."

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 9:00 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
10. Bob Gratton writes:

April fool dah...

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 9:50 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
11. batkinson001 writes:

this is the funniest stuff I have read all year! first the motorhead article now this, this site rocks!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 10:51 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

Member

12. GORECUNT writes:

Hey Inferno!
"50 Sexy Moves to Start a Bonfire In His Pants... and His Heart."
---One of those moves being: "Give him Gonorrhea. Whenever he takes a piss it will burn like a bonfire, and he'll never be able to forget you for that"

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 12:51 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
13. WTF???? writes:

How about some real metal news!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 1:06 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
14. Anon writes:

As an ardent DragonForce fan, I can only say... this is totally true, and made me laugh.

Sam would be in gay porn before ZP, though. And DF would be the ones sinking to collaborate with the opera diva.

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 1:27 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
15. lmfao writes:

Its funny 'cause its true! (imagine Homer saying it, its funnier)

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 2:34 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

16. InfernoNecrosis writes:

LOL @ Gorec***. What are some others?

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 9:32 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
That_One_Guy's avatar

Member

17. That_One_Guy writes:

Lmao gore..

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 2:08 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

Member

18. GORECUNT writes:

Inferno, here's two on my mind at the moment:

"Chicago memoir: Death by Thompson SMG"

"Lead pipe ninja: The martial art of bludgeoning your opponent to death"

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 8:44 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

Member

19. GORECUNT writes:

I'm sorry for the last post. I'm feeling random today...On topic of sex moves:

"The key is to always keep him guessing. When he comes home from work, leave your door slightly open so he can 'accidentally' catch you masturbating...WITH THE LIMB OF A DEAD INFANT."

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 8:47 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

20. InfernoNecrosis writes:

You must be one of those writers for 50's-style home economics books :P

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 8:53 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

Member

21. GORECUNT writes:

I think if I caught my girl masturbating with the limb of a dead infant, I'd propose to her right there.

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 9:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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