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Rock of Love Tour Bus Recap: Bret Chooses Big John As His Rock of Love

In an unprecedented move, VH1 has stepped in and named Bret’s security guard and go to man, Big John, the winner of the latest installment of Rock of Love.

Watching each season as Bret Michaels sleeps with gorgeous strippers, assorted white trash, and ex-porn stars, Big John patiently waited his turn. Secretly taking notes and gathering dirt on all the girls, knowing he was Bret’s soul mate. He prayed each night this day would come.

Pondering the first two seasons, Big John comments, “It was easy to see he continued making the same mistakes over and over, but what are you going to say?”

Big John recalled one night last summer, “Bret and I were alone, drinking a couple beers, and he took off his bandanna and left the room. While he was out I put it on my head, and it just felt right.” Big John wipes away a tear as he tells the story, then continues, “When Bret entered I was a little embarrassed that I was wearing his bandanna. He quickly put me at ease when he saw it and said: John, it fits awesome.”

It certainly does.

David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to http://www.davidsgrant.com

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13 Comments on "Rock of Love Tour Bus Recap: Bret Chooses Big John"

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That_One_Guy's avatar

Member

1. That_One_Guy writes:

LMAO!!

Now playing: Obscura - "Choir of Spirits"

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 1:04 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

2. SHREDDER13 writes:

^ Indeed hahahahaha!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 1:07 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

3. SHREDDER13 writes:

The "bandana" section was grade-A humor!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 1:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Diamond Oz's avatar

Senior News Correspondent

4. Diamond Oz writes:

Oh dear. Oh f***ing dear! Mr. Grant, I take my hat offto you good sir, you are f***ing funny!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 1:43 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Terminator's avatar

Reviewer

5. Terminator writes:

oh man, ROFL! Classic!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 1:50 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
6. Twobntouch writes:

APRIL FOOLS!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 2:38 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
brandedcfh420's avatar

Member

7. brandedcfh420 writes:

i can see that happening!!!....wuhahahahaha

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 2:47 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
8. mtdoomivxx writes:

This might be the funniest April Fools story on here

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 3:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Dee's avatar

Member

9. Dee writes:

Lolololololololololol! Lmao!!!!

# Apr 1, 2009 @ 5:57 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
KanadianKoRn's avatar

Member

10. KanadianKoRn writes:

Hahahahahahahaa

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 12:33 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
11. ozzy1991 writes:

"John, It fits awesome." LOL

# Apr 2, 2009 @ 6:21 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
12. lumpus5 writes:

yes the best april fools joke posted, because i could see it happening for real, but who would be the b**** in the relationship?

# Apr 3, 2009 @ 12:42 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

13. Blindgreed1 writes:

ROTFLMFAO!!!

# Apr 3, 2009 @ 1:18 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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