A Band Of Orcs Laments The Loss Of Type O Negative's Peter Steele
Band Photo: A Band of Orcs (?)
Although normally predisposed towards eating or enslaving human beings, the green skinned monstrosities in A Band of Orcs can still occasionally mourn the passing of members of the pink and squishy race. Giving an orctastic salute to the gothic metal giant Peter Steele, the band recorded a death metal version of "Green Man," which appeared on the recently released "All For None, None For All: A Tribute To Peter Steele."
The orcs weren't satisfied just by causing metal mayhem alone, however, and now the creatures have decided to, um, "speak" about Type O Negative and rampaging in the recording studio. Read on to find out about the real cause of the Deepwater Horizon disaster and what can lead even an orc to feel sad, in-between threats of world domination and taunts of the band's zombie member, of course.
xFiruath: When did the orcs learn of Peter Steele?
Gogog Bloodthroat: Long time back, maybe 2 year, Gogog up late no sleep. Drink many many grog, eat lotta pigs tell many story - raids, feasts, fucks. Hulg was active, talking, shaking, not just grunts and moan like most of all time. Him being total asshole.
Cretos Filthgrinder: Didn't us fed him brains of loud slave one who not shutup and kept calling you a--
Gogog: Silence, Cretos. You orders is not talk when Gogog talk. What Hulg ate not important, what important is Hulg bet Gogog that minions El Pasty Guero and Metal Mike could not come up with music that make Gogog depressed even after all the blood splatter. Gronk! say contest need be double blind to be sigh and terrific and Jed agree but talk us out of using burning iron rod and say use snot rag instead. Even with magic sigh and terrific blinding cloth around eyes both Metal Mike and El Pasty said us need to listen to Type O Negative.
Gronk!: Both humans say nothing is more depressing than living with orcs, except Type O Negative, the most depressed music ever sung by a giant.
Gogog: Gogog not depressed. Nothing depress orcs. Gogog just have dark green cloud hang over head since hearing Peter Steele wail.
Gronk!: Great depression fall on all slaves. Human slaves, them not stop whimpering, but Elves! Us lose other half of elves in dungeon, all killed selves, banging heads against walls.
Hulg: It so crunchy. Much blood lost, gone gone forever. That OK. More banshees good.
xFiruath: Which Type O Negative album do you listen to the most?
Gogog: “Slow, Deep, and Hard.” Favorite album.
Hulg: Always hard for Gogog think deep thoughts. Him too slow.
Gronk!: “Orctober Rust.” It has the word Orc in it. Best because everything in Hirntodia falls to dust and rust.
Cretos: Uh, none them album have shred good.
Hulg: On “Bloody Kisses” banshees squeel touch Hulg cold dead heart. “October Rust” almost make Hulg think he in not-moving death, “Slow Deep and Hard” make Hulg almost not remember Hulg being dead. “Dead Again” just make Hulg shudder.
xFiruath: Got a favorite Type O Negative music video?
Gogog: “Black No. 1,” Peter Steele's eyes burn yellow with fire of Gzoroth.
xFiruath: When did the orcs find out about Peter’s death?
Cretos: Someone died?
Hulg: Hulg stuck in chains with no brains in reach.
Gogog: Yes, us all there taunting Hulg. Kept brains in next room and Gogog hands all over them, then go into room with Hulg and him smell brains but not see them. Go crazy, jerking and spazzing chained up against wall.
Gronk!: When us hear of Peter Steele death we stopped that.
Gogog: WAR! Orcs went on bereavement raid. Kind of like humanz Irish wake.
Cretos: Stupid humanz still think fireball at Deepwater Horizon was caused by blowout.
xFiruath: What happened during your orcish recording of “Green Man?”
Gronk: Recording process was violent. Us fought long and hard over what music to play.
Hulg: Peter Steele great composer. When Type O write about death and sex and betrayal and hatred and pain the music match the lyric but when him write song about orcs-
Cretos: Him get music sound all wrong, and us fix it for him.
xFiruath: How did you approach the cover song and did you try to match Peter’s style?
Gogog: First Gogog try to sing like Peter Steele, whoa aa ooo aaa blech, but it not work. Massive orc throat not make puny human vocal sounds. So Gogog improve it and sing like Orc. Much gooder.
xFiruath: What are the orcs doing outside the tribute album?
Gogog: Us know you humans want be like your mighty WarChiefs, so we make gaming miniatures.
Gronk!: Yes, the metalsmiths at Impact! have allied with A Band of Orcs, so you humans can role-play us Orcs and the coming Domination. They ready in time for GenCon. Time of realm turning you call August.
Cretos: Yes, you humans can pretend you shred brutal as me on guitar.
xFiruath: Seen any good human musical performances lately?
Gronk!: Me go to Big Four and absorb evil metal-making vibes of mighty Slayer!!!! Metallica, Megadeth and Anthrax make powerful metal too. Then, I travel with henchhuman to Hollywood on Sunday and witness Amon Amarth perform musical assault on human ear drums. Them bring Domination one step closer!
xFiruath: Will the orcs be playing live soon?
Gronk!: Humanz is scared, and rightly so. Take much silver, much gold, much wood and iron to rebuild only to have orcs slay again. In June on the 24th the mighty Warbringer, Hatchet, Exmortus and Witchaven are traveling to the Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz to pay homage to us Orcs.
xFiruath: Which bands and musicians do you think will fill the void left by departed metal icons?
Gogog: A Band of Orcs.
Hulg: Erik Nelson of Vektor.
Gronk!: Nergel and Behemoth. Me know Amon Amarth been round long time...but they start to rise like Surtur of their album now.
xFiruath: Any parting grunts or death threats?
Hulg: Humanz at Metal underground ask orcs to tell words about Peter Steele to go in album with music, but them not take all orc words, just some. Here are rest:
Peter Steele was complicated man for human, not type you just eat and run. Him very big, make many mealz, no running. Him always said him a specist, him hate human race for many good reason. Orcs hate humanz too. For all him misanthropy, Peter not actually kill other humanz, just tell them to diez. Orcs do better...
Peter music touch many people, but in good place. Cold, hard, lonely place filled with fear, hatred, lust, desire and always death. When him not make joke him touch raw nerve of soul that even orc and human can agree on.
Orcs not ever get depressed, but human slaves, when Type O Negative played never stopping into the dungeon them get very sad, not stop whimper. Elves get so depressed them diez just like Peter. Hulg tried to follow Peter's advice and kill himself but it not work, him already dead.
So, Peter Steele now worm meat. Time march on and him not be forgot at least for little while. Type O Negative, Carnivore live on in magic sound box until civilization ground into dust, or sometime before then.
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