Gwar To Host Crack-A-Thon In Brooklyn, NY
Band Photo: Gwar (?)
Even as they move to annihilate the city of Austin at this years SXSW music festival, Antarctic beast-lords Gwar are setting their sights on an event that is destined to go down as one of the most insane experiences in their long and obtuse career: The Crack-a-thon is on!
Gwar is staging the first Crack-a-thon April 16th and 17th at the MF Gallery in Brooklyn, NY. Starting at 7:00 pm on April 16th, Oderus, joined by his co-host and band mate, Balsac the Jaws of Death, will star in Gwar's very own variety show which will be broadcast free of charge to anybody with an internet connection. In the tradition of "The Carol Burnett Show" or the Jerry Lewis MS telethon, Oderus will attempt to entertain and milk the viewing audience for every penny they have while presenting an assortment of guests that glitteringly represent the sub-middle-upper-lower strata of entertainments elite.
Today Gwar announced the first confirmed guest on the program, Oderus' Red Eye buddy and confirmed nose-bleeder, Andrew W.K. who will be performing live. Andrew W.K. commented about the appearance: “I am very excited to have an intimate experience with Oderus. I've admired his physique for so long, and now I finally get to see it up close... very up close.” Lead singer of Gwar and Crack-a-thone host Oderus Urungus is known for sharing his crack.
Deep within the bowels of the Earth, preparations for Gwar's first fund-raising drive have reached a fever pitch. As guests are lined up, sets are constructed, and scripts have bongwater spilled all over them, Oderus had this to say... "I didn't realize that so much work would be involved, and that sucks...I thought I would just kinda show up and get high. But I am undaunted by the complexity of the task as I just hired a bunch of other people to do it for me!"
This star-choked assault marks Oderus' last-ditch attempt to raise funds in order to pay off his considerable crack-debt, owed to Gwar manager and underworld tyrant, Sleazy P. Martini, who had the following to say about the matter: "Oderus' crack debt makes the U.S. federal deficit look like fucking lunch money. If he wants to continue to 'hook-up on the cook-up' then I need to see some cash." He continued: "If Oderus is unable to 'lock- up on the rock-up' he gets violent, nasty, and confused, even more so than normal. So giving money to Oderus for crack isn't just a nice thing to do, it's also saving the human race from annihilation! So if the human race wants to survive they need to pony up."
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