Interview

Blothar Of Gwar: "Vikings Built Their Civilizations Upon Me"

When Dave Brockie died earlier this year, many fans of Gwar (bohabs as the group calls them_ wondered if the band would continue. Gwar is a large collection of artists and musicians, but Brockie played Oderus Urungus, the voice of the galactic space outfit.

Gwar is a joke that just can’t be stopped and the circus continued at the 5th Annual GWAR B-Q. There the band welcomed new members Blothar and Vulvatron. Blothar is a fat, filthy space Viking who enjoys ice fishing and ritualistic murder. Vulvatron is genetically engineered Scumdog assassin from the future. She has her own line of signature drag-racing motor oils, Vulvoline.

The Scumdogs are currently on the road as part of the “Gwar Eternal Tour 2014.” When the group showed up at the Housecore Horror Film Fest in Austin, Texas, I found Mike Bishop, aka Blothar in the press area enjoying Rudy’s BBQ. It didn't take long for him to get into his beserker character. In the following interview, the cordial Bishop, formerly Beefcake The Mighty, provides insight into the band's newest vocalist without accepting a single yam for his time.

Rex_84: Long time leader, Oderus Urungus returned to space, which sparked rumors of Gwar being finished. What do you have to say regarding these rumors?

Blothar: Gwar is not finished and we have no idea if Oderus has returned to space. We don’t know where he is. I suspect he’s somewhere smoking crack with a prostitute because he owes me a lot of yams. That’s how old I am. We calculated money using fucking yams and Oderus owes me a shitload of them! We better find him because, I don’t know, I’m running low on yams!

Rex_84: Famed archeologist Doctor Richard Leaky unfroze you from Antarctica to replace Oderus Urungus. How did you find your way to our planet?

Blothar: Well, that’s an interesting story. I am a Scumdog. Gwar are Scumdogs. Together we serve in the Scumdog army, an elite fighting force for The Master of the universe. Those guys disappeared, they came to Earth because they kept fucking up so much. I was a Chaplin, believe it or not, in The master’s army. A spiritual leader if you will. I came here to witness to Gwar because the Master said, “Look at those guys. They need some help. They’re fucking everything up on the planet Earth. They fucked monkeys. They created human beings. They’re walking around doing drugs. They killed the dinosaurs. SOMEBODY HAS TO STOP THEM! So I came here to try and make peace between them and the Master. I went to sleep. Next thing I know I wake up on stage in front of a bunch of screaming metal heads with Chlamydia and I’m suppose to sing these stupid fucking songs! It’s absurd. But from what I know what happened was Gwar fucked up so much The Master throws them on the planet Earth in Antarctica. I also was frozen at the same time by mistake. So you see, it is a confusing, convoluted plot line that makes absolutely no sense.

Rex_84: How long did you take to learn Gwar’s songs coming in for Oderus?

Blothar: All Scumdog warriors know the songs of Gwar. When I was seventeen-billion-years old I wrote many of the songs of Gwar, from between the age of 17 and 24 billion. Together we sang songs, many, many times. So I’m familiar with the material. Plus, I maintained a psychic connection with the band while I was frozen. I know what they’ve been doing and all Scumdog warriors know their music. I hope that answers your question.

Rex_84: Going back to your appearance on stage, I heard you had a piss boner.

Blothar: Oh yeah, yeah, I frequently have piss boners.

Rex_84: Did you rub it off on someone there in the crowd?

Blothar: I didn’t really rub it off. See, I have a bag of dicks. It’s a dick bag. It’s udderly ridiculous, you might call it that. An udderly ridiculous dick bag, that’s what I call it. But that’s all I can really do to rub it off. It doesn’t get hard. It’s just a mushy bag. I basically push on it until something oozes out.

Rex_84: When you ooze out of your udders can you get a spray like Oderus’ Cuttlefish of Cthulu? Can you splatter everybody?

Blothar: Absolutely. The Cuttlefish, by the way, hasn’t gone anywhere. I think that Oderus, wherever he is at, has mistaken a time machine for a glory hole that he’s sticking his dick through. I’ve always had a better relationship with the Cuttlefish than with Oderus. Oderus, frankly, was a bit of an ass. The Cuttlefish is a bit of a dick, which is quite different. The thing about it is the Cuttlefish is fascinating. He’s a worldly being. He’s a riverboat gambler. He’s a pirate. He’s an Ac-toor. He’s a poet. Always we’ve had endless things to talk about, while Oderus is a drug-sucking whore, fucking whore.

Rex_84: Speaking of him being a drug-sucker, are you getting your yams now that he’s not taking the band’s money for crack?

Blothar: Well, I’ve been trying to negotiate my salary in yams, but nobody seems to understand what the fuck I’m talking about. They give me these ridiculous piles of green paper that I wipe my ass with. I don’t even know what to do with it.

Rex_84: You’re known to associate with intergalactic outlaw biker gangs. What kind of bike do you have? What types of activities do you enjoy when your out with these clubs?

Blothar: I drive what they call a Hardly Davidson on my planet. It’s a scooter. It’s actually a motorized unicycle. I get here and I see a bunch of fat guys, like me, with beards riding on motorcycles, so I thought they might be a cool bunch of guys, but they’re not! They’re all a bunch of fucking pussies! I hang out with intergalactic biker gangs, which is quite a different lot. Up there, they’ll fuck you in the ass as soon as look at you. It’s wonderful if you like getting fucked in the ass.

Rex_84: Since you’re a Viking, do you have keen navigational skills for going through outer space?

Blothar: YOU HAVE EXCEPTIONALLY POOR LISTENING SKILLS, HUMAN! I am a Scumdog. Vikings built their civilizations upon me. The great Odin, Wotan, all of the great Norse gods were founded upon me. Beowulf, the Geats—all of them took my long ship, my penchant for hideous, fat women with horns on their heads and they created a civilization out of it. MORE POWER TO THEM! And it was a great civilization by the way. I’m quite proud of the Vikings and the achievements they’ve made while on planet Earth.

Rex_84: What villains will you be battling while on the Eternal Tour? Who’s in town trying to stop Gwar?

Blothar: WELL, who’s going to try to stop Gwar. Nobody can stop Gwar, but there are certainly enemies of Gwar that come up and now that I’ve made them my enemy because I am the spiritual leader of the band. Let’s see there is Sawborg Destructo, kind of a two-bit knockoff of Techno Destructo. He comes around. He’s a fucking fruit cake. Then of course, we don’t even know if Vulvatron is an enemy of Gwar. I suspect she is. She is certainly ugly enough to be one. Then there is the big dinosaur, Gor-Gor. He occasionally makes an appearance, but it’s hard to get him to come on stage because he’s such a prima donna. Then, of course, there is Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect is a complete asshole. He shows up every night and tries to force his ridiculous sanders on Gwar. He gets hacked to pieces and fucked to death with his own limbs. So fuck that dude…every night…in the ass…twice. There’s some weird space aliens that show up. We kill everything! All the enemies of Gwar still exists, including their selves. They are their own biggest enemies. Fumbling around like a bunch of…that one, Beefcake, is a particularly stupid individual. He’s a moron!

Rex_84: What is your favorite tool for killing?

Blothar: I have a great battle axe, but humans, why would you axe them when it’s so easy to kill them with your hands. To me, they are finger food. That’s what I use. I use my fingers to kill humans. That’s my favorite.

Rex_84: Do you have a message you would like to relate to your bohabs?

Blothar: WELLLLL, bohabs can suck a dick. That’s right, suck a dick. Suck my dick. Suck my many, many dicks. There are bohabs running around saying Gwar should hang it up. Well, fuck you! Gwar should not hang it up. This tour is not about hanging it up. This tour is not about clinging to something. It’s about honoring the fallen Scumdog Oderus Urungus. If you like Gwar at all, come see this tour. It’s your opportunity to pay respect to the greatest rock ‘n roll singer to ever grace this Earth or any other planet.