Dark Serpent Splits With Guitarist Giardello Caravagio Due To Severe Tit Addiction

Israeli metal act Dark Serpent has issued the following statement about parting ways with the band's guitarist for an affliction that many share:

"Important updates - some bad news & some good news: after many years of fruitful cooperation, both on and off stage, Dark Serpent and Giardello Caravagio (guitar genius, founding serpendude, brother) part ways.

"The parting is due to Giardello's on-going struggle for life with a severe case of tits-addiction. 'The serpents are like brothers to me... but they have small-ones, and that just won't cut it anymore,' says Giardello.

"We just couldn't afford his addiction, it was becoming a burden – fans, media, stage workers, our moms – he grabbed'em all. Giardello's huge spot in the lead section will be filled by long-time friend Yuval Kramer (ROTA, Amaseffer).

"Kramer, which up until now acted as DS's producer, recording-engineer & sexual adviser, will join the serpents' ranks as full-time member. Kramer's joining to the band is a tremendous and welcome event. He's a brilliant guitarist, a prodigious musician - and he has a car!

"On a more serious note – DS would like to thank 'dello for his immeasurable contribution to the band and for the many years and great moments we shared."