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Unearthing The Metal Underground: Kids' Metal

When a metalhead moves into parenthood, a whole new world of challenges is unveiled, as with any new parent. Likely not the first on your mind is what music you can play for them. You presumably don’t want them growing up a wuss, listening to pop music. You want them to ROCK!

Sure, the lullabye renditions of metal albums may have some novelty value, as do other kinds of kid-friendly “covers”, but they don’t ROCK.

Cannibal Corpse and Slayer might be a little much for babies or toddlers, however. In fact, the biggest challenge to finding good metal to play for kids is the profanity. You could resort to some Christian metal, which is usually free of profanity and violence, or search through your collection for the few clean albums or make your own mix of kid-safe metal. Instrumental metal, especially Powerglove, is a decent option, if a little limiting.

Or you could search for some metal music that’s made just for kids. Yes, there are a few bands doing this, but perhaps just one who has done it best. For fear that you’ll skip this entire article when you see the others, let’s start with the best:

(Warning: If you take yourself and your metal too seriously, this is not for you; this is for metalheads with a sense of humor and can see the fun in these bands. After all, it’s for the kids!)

The Thunderlords

The promo says it pretty well: “What would happen if The Wiggles met Rob Zombie backstage at a Gwar concert and decided to form a band together? I'm not really sure, but I'd bet they would sound a lot like The Thunderlords!”

The Thunderlords is an entirely original Viking-themed “band” making original loud and heavy songs for kids. The band released their only album, Noisy Songs for Noisy Kids in 2005. The album features nine songs with song titles like “I Like Dirt,” “Eat Vegetables” and “Ice Cream Headache.” In fact, I Like Dirt" and "Ice Cream Headache" were featured on the soundtracks for the bestselling video games “Tony Hawk's American Wasteland,” “Tony Hawk's Project 8” and “Tony Hawk’s American Sk8land” respectively.

Check out the video for “I Like Dirt” and a stream of “Ice Cream Headache” below:

Hevisaurus

Hevisaurus combines the kids’ dinosaur gimmick with that of metal bands’ costumes, creating an experience somewhere in between Gwar and Barney...but in Finnish. Despite the obnoxious dinosaur costumes, the music saves this act from becoming an annoying kids band, having a somewhat authentic feel to it and most of us not understanding the kiddie lyrics.

You can check out a few songs on MySpace and in the stream and videos below:

There’s even a video of “Paranoid” online, in which a circle pit breaks out, but the sound quality was too horrible to warrant posting here.

Rockosaurus Rex

Describing their music as “Hard Rockin’ Nursery Rhymes From The Prehistoric Masters of Metal,” Rockosaurus Rex plays the dinosaur gimmick card and performs nursery rhymes. It’s not the most original angle, but they do a decent job of it.

The band has one album available, entitled “The Big Bang!,” with 21 songs on it. You can hear samples of the album or order it on CD or MP3s from Amazon.com. Check out a video for “This Old Man” and a stream for “If All The Little Raindrops” below:

For those of you who are not parents and found this article to be a horrific perversion of all that is metal, just wait until you have songs from The Wiggles, Barney (the purple dinosaur), Dora the Explorer and more stuck in your head. You’ll do just about anything to get them out, and these bands may be less painful than a drill to the temple. But as you’ll soon find out, it’s more important that your kids enjoy it...as long as it’s not a bubbly purple dinosaur.

If you know of any other made-for-kids metal, please feel free to mention them in the comments below.

And don’t forget to check back every Monday as we delve into a different scene or genre to unearth some new underground metal bands.

deathbringer's avatar

A self-described "metal geek," Doug Gibson has been listening to heavy metal for more than twenty years and designed and coded Metal Underground.com from scratch over ten years ago.

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23 Comments on "Unearthing The Kids' Metal Underground"

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btbamfav20's avatar

Member

1. btbamfav20 writes:

I LIKE DIRT!
how childish

NP: Fooled By The Serpent - Communic

# Dec 6, 2010 @ 1:53 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
2. Erik Cameron writes:

Hey Metal Underground

I Gotta Say That this Article was Interesting & Helped me alot !!!!

i am about to be a dad in fact in about a couple of weeks

& a Big Metal Head !!!!!

Actully Were Throwing the first ever Metal Babyshower for our friends

and engouge if you guys can post it up that would be very kind of you guys :)

here is the invation

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=180012585342878

Come out and help raise money for our Son :)

Thanx you Metal Underground for this Article

# Dec 6, 2010 @ 2:29 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metalplague's avatar

Member

3. metalplague writes:

This article made my day. I've been looking all over for kids metal and love The Thunderlords and Rockosaurus Rex.

I know exactly what you mean about going through your metal collection and finding appropriate metal. My kids love songs from Hammerfall (Hearts on Fire is my 4 year old's favorite song), Blind Guardian, Stratovarious and Edguy, also a lot of thrash metal like selected songs from Kreator, Evile, Overkill, Death Angel, even Municipal Waste. It's all about being careful though. I don't mind them (I actually want them) listening to metal but of course most metal isn't appropriate.

Other bands my kids listen to: Holy Grail, Manowar, Iron Maiden, Grand Magus, The Sword...

# Dec 6, 2010 @ 4:31 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
The_Avant_Garde's avatar

Writer

4. The_Avant_Garde writes:

lol, kuddos to those bands for offering parents up an alternative BUT......two GWAR references in this article? LOL c'mon!!! :P

# Dec 6, 2010 @ 4:43 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
deathbringer's avatar

Founder, owner & programmer

5. deathbringer writes:

I think the first Gwar reference was unneeded, but part of their press description. The second one totally fit though.

# Dec 6, 2010 @ 4:45 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
fireflyz's avatar

Member

6. fireflyz writes:

This is awesome! my daughter watches a show called Pancake Mountain, they have had bands like the Melvins, Scissor Sisters, and Antiflag on there, but I don't know if it is still on and the dvds are hard to find. We also like to watch Home Movies, a Brendon Small cartoon for all ages! I like Dwayne :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inifLz_LqCY

# Dec 7, 2010 @ 12:00 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
fireflyz's avatar

Member

7. fireflyz writes:

oops please dont post my comment...i made a typo... i meant to say twisted sister but i said scissor sisters...TOTALLY different....oops

# Dec 7, 2010 @ 12:41 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Cynic's avatar

Senior Reviewer

8. Cynic writes:

Me: "So, what do you do for a living?"
One of them: "Oh you know, I dress up as an anthropomorphic dinosaur and playing heavy metal."
Me: "....That. Is. Awesome."

# Dec 7, 2010 @ 2:33 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
9. AVADA KEDAVRA writes:

I lol'd at the "I Like Dirt." Yay for kids' metal! XD

# Dec 8, 2010 @ 1:25 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Fuck_A_Name's avatar

Member

10. Fuck_A_Name writes:

Personally, i play Slayer, cannibal Corpse and behemoth all the time for my 2 year old brother and he flips out and starts jumping on the bed and screaming his head off in joy. when he was younger the stuff would put him to sleep no matter how loud I had it in the house, but as soon as some rap or just non-metal stuff came on, he would wake up crying and sh**. i "kid" you not. Ha. Haha. ha.

Then again, i'm not a parent, and i'm tryin to f*** up my brother as early as possible, so it doesnt take him 17 years to find metal like i did. So Argument =invalid.

On another note, Heviasarus is awesome. Reminds me of manowar/sabaton type metal, y'know, besides the finnish. And like cynic said, AWESOME FACKIN JOB. reminds me of when Chucke Cheese had those animatronic animals rockin the f*** out on stage.

# Dec 8, 2010 @ 10:02 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
n0thinghead's avatar

Podcaster/Writer

11. n0thinghead writes:

FAN: that's amazing!!!

cynic: LOLWTIME!!!

fireflyz: best. typo. ever.

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 9:35 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Diamond Oz's avatar

Senior News Correspondent

12. Diamond Oz writes:

I p***ed myself laughing at Rockosaurus Rex.

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 10:35 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
RTB's avatar

Member

13. RTB writes:

Had no idea this kinda music existed. ..ya the dinosaurs were pretty cool. .
As far as parenting goes I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that I see on Sundays, I had her in the car one day and decided to start the brainwashing process of her becoming a metal head, so I put one of my favorite CDs in at normal volume, which was slayer s live CD decade of decadence I believe it's called. ..anyways 30 seconds into the 1st song which is really an intro she starts crying, so I gave it another minute and the crying continued, i got so annoyed I had to shut the sh!t off. ..it's her mother and her bad genes that kicked in...FU@kin b****

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 11:28 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
brandedcfh420's avatar

Member

14. brandedcfh420 writes:

Check out Faithbomb for more Christian Metal. I have their "Bleed" cd. Has some pretty fkn good grooves!!!!

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 12:15 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
deathbringer's avatar

Founder, owner & programmer

15. deathbringer writes:

LOL RTB. I think some melody helps in metal. My kids are pretty cool with power metal or melodic thrash and even some melodic metalcore (3ioB, Blind Guardian, Unearth). Slayer is a pretty tough place to start. Not to mention the profanity.

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 12:21 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
RTB's avatar

Member

16. RTB writes:

Ya boss maybe I should have started her out with some bullet for my valentine. ..it's a setback, but the end. ...not by a long shot

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 12:56 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
RTB's avatar

Member

17. RTB writes:

Not the end

# Dec 9, 2010 @ 12:57 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
n0thinghead's avatar

Podcaster/Writer

18. n0thinghead writes:

hilarious a$$ story rtb. i always thought to myself that u had a kid lol idk why.

and that;s awesome DB, also glad to see the site back up lol

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 8:35 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
19. FairyQueen writes:

this is great... I just love Hevisaurus and I didn't know there were more metal bands for kids... however, being a metalhead parent here in Chile can be really difficult. I don't have any kids (yet) but I know when I become a mother I will have to teach my kid both English and Finnish at the same time to prevent him/her from listening to "reggaeton" (you can google that sh*t and trust me... you won't listen to it for more than 5 secs!)... that's what kids like here T_T And it also has to do with grandparents... most grandparents would die if their grandkids listened to any kind of metal =P

I hope when my time to be a parent comes Hevisaurus are still playing... I really want to see them live :D

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 8:38 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
n0thinghead's avatar

Podcaster/Writer

20. n0thinghead writes:

^^^ that sux FairyQueen. i live in miami, so i know exactly what u mean >.> unfortunately. But i don't understand why would u teach ur future children finnish?? 0.o

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 9:02 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
fireflyz's avatar

Member

21. fireflyz writes:

the other day my daughter said, "I want to listen to Jesus Lizard!" Her daddy was sooo proud of her:)

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 9:41 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
22. FairyQueen writes:

because I want them to listen to HeviSaurus and understand and sing their songs, n0thinghead ^^

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 10:54 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
btbamfav20's avatar

Member

23. btbamfav20 writes:

i just listened to Jesus Lizard, i'd be proud too haha

# Dec 10, 2010 @ 2:51 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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