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The Rockstar Ramblings: Bret Michaels Behind The Music

Band Photo: Poison (?)

Given my obsession with Bret Michaels' Rock of Love television reality show, I was excited to hear VH1 had brought back their Behind the Music show and that Michaels would be one of the features. Would the show be more Poison or solo? After three seasons of the show, is there anything new to learn about Bret Michaels? Will Big John make an appearance? These are all questions I was hoping for answers to. As always, the Bret Michaels “AWESOME” shot rules are in play. Each time you hear the word, you take a shot. Tonight my drink is Patron tequila. Let the fiesta begin…

The program starts with clips of his solo music and videos. This quickly (I’m guessing a move by the producers) moves into a montage of Poison video clips. I jump for joy when I see that Big John is in the house (unfortunately he only has one comment in the show). It’s interesting that both the early and late years feature a bandana on Michaels in every shot. If a “Bandana Hall of Fame” ever opens, I would think Hulk Hogan and Bret Michaels would have to be the inaugural entries.

The first “Awesome” comes three minutes in. Bottoms up.

We learn Bret came from an industrial town in Pennsylvania named Mechanicsburg. Not sure if you have to say “Industrial” to clarify with a town name like that. It’s located right next to Hardhatville and the Town of Lunch Buckets.

Bret and the band moved on to L.A. At one point Bret was so poor he only had a toothbrush that he kept in his back pocket. Six bandanas and one toothbrush: The Bret Michaels story.

After they got a record deal, Poison scraped together five thousand dollars to make the video for “Talk Dirty To Me.” Bret explains that this was not a lot of money to make a video. I’m thinking “IT COST 5K FOR THAT?” Uh, $500 to rent a stage and $4,500 for spandex and flashy hats? I would love to have a breakdown on this. Listening VH1? Behind The Music: The Talk Dirty To Me video.

Michaels discusses breaking up with his girlfriend and writing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” in a laundry room. This would be their only number one hit. TRIVIA: What was number two at the time? Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative.”...Talk about great ideas for Behind The Music: The Bobby Brown story.

We are almost 30 minutes in and only one shot is down. This is not what I was expecting.

Next (in classic BTM style), the bad times are discussed, specifically the 1991 MTV awards where Bret and CC Deville got into a punching match, breaking up Poison for years. Bret described these times as “A dark period with awesome partying!” Cheers.

The show next focuses on Michaels reality show “Rock of Love.” The most interesting part of the show is the producers’ discussion Bret’s “ABC – Always Be Closing” style with the girls, detailing how it was hard to keep up with all the hook-ups, including the now famous foursome. Flash to a scene from Rock Of Love where Bret is calling Daisy into his room. He says “You look awesome, let’s have an awesome time.” That’s a double for those playing along.

Two minutes later Bret says, “Awesome ride” when describing his chance to be part of Poison and enjoy his solo career. Maybe Patron wasn’t the best choice. I hope I can read my notes in the morning.

The show closes with Bret discussing his life. It is clear he is (and has always been) a straight up no bullshit guy who has worked hard and made sacrifices to achieve his success.

In typical Bret Michaels fashion (and sensing I need one more shot of tequila for a nightcap) he closes the program smiling and summing up his career as “Absolutely awesome.”

David S. Grant is the author of books Corporate Porn, Bleach|Blackout, Hollywood Ending, Emotionless Souls, and The Last Breakfast. His new novel, Blood-the New Red, will be available this fall. For more information please go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.