Stemm Ex-vocalist Gives Farewell Message
"Hello my friends I apologize that is has been so long since you have heard from me. However I just wanted to make sure that I was in a clear head space so I could articulate myself properly. I'm sure by now many of you have heard that I am no longer in the band. So I wanted to let you all know what's going with me that lead to the current situation..."
"First of all I would like to thank all of you that have been there with me over the course of the past few years. Recently I have been reflecting on so many things that have gone on in my life since the inception of this band. I've been thinking about all the great shows, good times, and the way our lives have been forever intertwined by stories, and moments we have shared. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to be part of your lives."
"Which leads me to the next portion of my explanation. I want to give you a little background of the events that have lead us to this point in time. I'm sorry that this is going to be so lengthy, but I didn't know how cut it down and still get across everything I am feeling, and frankly I felt I owed it to you since you all have been such a big part of my life."
"I have never tried to hide behind the abusive childhood that I have had. Some of you know what I have been through and perhaps many of you don't. This isn't really something I want to get into in detail about, but I felt you knowing this was something that was relevant. The child abuse and molestation that I have survived is something that has affected the way I think, and the way I have lived my life for 30 years, and it is time to put it behind me. As many of my close friends know this has not been an easy thing for me to deal with. I also know that it has not always been an easy thing for them to deal with me. I have been battling depression, suicide, isolation, and shame my whole life. But I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones because I am still here. I would not change anything that has happened to me because it has made me a stronger person. I would however change some of the decisions that I have made along the way on how to deal with this. I never realized how much of myself I gave up, all for the sake of being strong or to seemingly to be strong. I never wanted to be that a victim again. I have always tried to put good advice and ideas into my lyrics in hopes that maybe I could save some of you out there from having to struggle or make the same mistakes that I did. I know that I am very fortunate and have been blessed with the best friends in the world, and it is because of them that I have made it this far. I know that if it had not been for them I would have been dead long ago. I also know that there are many people out there that don't have those types of friends or people in their lives. I wanted to be that person and I felt it was my obligation since I was s blessed and strong enough to make it as far as I have. I thought it was my duty, I felt it was my purpose in life. I guess I've had a sleight messiah complex, and I thought this was my cross to bear. So for as many years as I can remember I have kept these wounds open. Constantly reverting back to those feelings, that emptiness, rage and selfishness that has left me alone and suffering for so long. All the same shit that has tortured me my whole life. I thought that I needed to feel that and keep it close so that I could help other people, and that I never forgot. I guess I never really thought about the consequences of doing this to myself. By doing so all I did was allow all the bullshit that I was fighting, and the pain that I was trying to deal with to infect every aspect of my life. Instead of protecting the people that I love, I became their abuser. I wish I could have stopped and listened to the words that I was writing, the words that I put my heart and soul into every time I picked up my pen, but I didn't think they were for me. I thought I had my shit figured out. I realize now that I have been that same scared 5-year-old boy that I have been fighting so hard to save for to long, and there is nothing I can do to help him. So it's time to put him to rest he has been dead for to long."
"I have been so fixated on music for most of my life it is all I ever thought about. I'm sure at times to the point of insanity. I have lived a minimal existence for so long that I can't even remember the last time I made a decision in my life that music didn't take precedence over the outcome. I have given up everything, family, friends, and my heart. So now I think that after all these years it's time for me to make a decision that would be the best for my mental health and myself."
"For the past couple years I have been struggling with severe depression due to my injury, and other events that were out of my control (life) and various other things that I know that I am very responsible for. I have really had to take a long hard look at my life and my behavior to try and sort out what I am responsible for, and what I am not. I have come to the conclusion that there are many things about myself that I don't like so they need to be addressed and changed. I hear it said all the time that people can't change or people don't change and maybe that's true to an extent. I also believe that when people face certain situations like, the loss of a loved one, or your own death, or losing your heart forever. Or that you finally see it for the first time you have hurt someone that you love so much in all it's pain, and horror. I truly believe that then you can change. It's unfortunate that it has to take things of this nature to open our eyes to something that should be painfully obvious, but I guess patterns and cycles are hard to break for creatures of habit."
"So with all that being said I'd like to just finish this part up by saying that I know that there are many people out there dealing with or not dealing with a lot of the same things that I am and I implore you to get help. Talk to your friends; reach out to a counselor but what ever you do keep fighting. Don't let them take anymore of your life than they already have."
"Now as far as me not being part of the band it has never my intention to leave the band. The decision that I made was that I really wanted, and needed to move. For my own well-being and happiness. This place has been a constant source of pain that has been eating away at me for years and it just got to the point that I felt like I was drowning. My heart isn't here, the girl I love isn't here, and some of my best friends are not here. So it just kind of made sense that the easiest solution to get my head right was that it was time to move and really get to work on myself with a fresh start. Unfortunately after talking with the band we were at an impasse. I needed to do what was best for myself and they had to do what they felt was the best thing for the band. This is a reality that friendships have to face and endure. People grow and evolve and sometimes regrettably it just happens to be in different directions. I love those guys and am going to miss stepping on stage with them. They have been so much more than just band mates to me, and I am very proud of all of our accomplishments as a band and as friends."
"I want all of you to know that this does not in any way mean that I am giving up on music. That would be as crazy as me saying I'm not going breath air anymore. So I hope that when I have something new, and I promise that I will be doing everything I can to make it sooner than later. That it will receive the same love and support that I have seen with Stemm. I hope that this clears up any questions that any of you may have had."
"I want to thank you all again for being such a positive influence on my life and keeping me going through all the tough times. I pray that at the end of the day or when you close your eyes for the last time your looking into the eyes of the person you love. I wish you all the best with your lives, loves, and friendships always follow your heart."
"Thanks and respect,
T.J. Frost (a very humbled man)"
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