GWAR Issues GWAR-B-Q 2014 Recap
Band Photo: Gwar (?)
The 5th Annual GWAR B-Q, held at Hadad's Lake in Richmond, Virginia on August 16th, has been labeled an unequivocal success. This comes from GWAR itself as the space scum lounges atop the bodies of more than 5,000 GWAR B-Q attendees, imbibing from a secret stash of Killsner GWAR Beer (which sold out at the GWAR B-Q), chain-smoking the band's own premium limited edition CiGWARs, and dipping massive, stinky toes into tubs of ice-cold GWATER.
GWAR's manager, Sleazy P. Martini, was overjoyed by the event's turnout: "Every year I tell myself there's no way these inbred zoo animals can pull off another GWAR B-Q, and there's no way in hell even more Bohabs will show up and fork over their life savings just for the chance to be roasted on a spit. But every year they prove me wrong, and I get to wipe my ass with a new roll of $1000 bills. The GWAR B-Q is the biggest thing in the history of meat and music, and don't you forget it scumbags!"
GWAR B-Q broke all previous records for attendance, death count, and casualties. Every band that performed kicked so much ass that GWAR actually let them live. The lineup would go toe-to-toe with any other festival performance anywhere on any day: Body Count, Misfits, The Meatmen, Hatebreed, Iron Reagan, Kepone, Noisem, Occultist, Loincloth, The Glorious Gone, Eat the Turnbuckle, Venomous Maximus.
The GWAR B-Q also had the "Crypt of Chaos," a GWAR-themed haunted house, drunk idiots out on the lake in giant hamster balls, a "Rolling Wheels of Death Skatepark," tattoo artists, classy ladies doing synchronized swimming, and lots and lots of bloody, delicious meat slathered in GWAR B-Q Sauce.
But of course, the main event of this and every GWAR B-Q was the jaw-dropping, eyeball-popping exhibition by the creators of the human race, our lords and masters, the Scumdogs of the Universe, GWAR! Those in attendance witnessed a blistering set that featured Slymenstra Hymen spitting giant fireballs, the Sexecutioner duking it out with Gor Gor, and the introduction of the band's new mouthpiece -- an enigmatic, old-school Scumdog known only as Blóthar! Punk-rock loudmouth Jello Biafra was thrown into the meat grinder - despite his long but heartfelt eulogy at the previous day's fan memorial for GWAR's most faithful slave, Dave Brockie. Finally, a cathartic performance of the band's classic, "The Road Behind" summoned forth an ocean of salty tears from the sea of flaming Bohabs in attendance. All this to say...
GWAR lives! See the scum dogs live on the GWAR Eternal Tour this Fall:
9/12: Chicago, IL @ RIOT FEST
w/Decapitated and American Sharks:
10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater
10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium - "Rock and Shock Festival"
10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom
10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five
10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live
10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo's - "Housecore Horror Film Festival*
10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live
10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom
10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop's Nightclub
10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater
10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall**
11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater
11/2: Tempe, AZ @ The Marquee
11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory
11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom
11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live
11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air
11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater
11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO
w/TBA and American Sharks:
11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom
w/ Corrosion of Conformity and American Sharks:
11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom
11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall
11/19: Fargo, ND @ The Venue
11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater
11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
11/22: Detroit, MI @ Harpo's
11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection
11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues
11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall
11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
12/2: Nashville, TN @ Exit/In
12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel
12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Vinyl Music Hall
12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live
12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall
12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House
12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall
12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad's Place
12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage
*No American Sharks
** Havok plays on this show
*** Troglodyte plays on this show
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