Column

The Rockstar Ramblings: Reunion Tours and Hookers

Band Photo: Ozzy Osbourne (?)

It is being reported that Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue, Sixx A.M.) and Denise Richards are no longer dating and have split. The uncomfortable part of this breakup is that they are neighbors. There can’t be a worse feeling than stepping out to grab the morning newspaper, and looking over to see a Porsche in Richard’s driveway with a license plate that reads SHEEN…

Bret Michaels (Poison) and AMA Super Cross motorcycles have teamed up to create an award for those that overcome hardship. The name of the award is “Bret Michaels Rock Hard-Ride Hard Award”. How long before Trojan and Rough Rider condoms makes this award their advertising slogan? In other Bret Michaels news: Dean Guitar has announced that they will be creating a Bret Michaels series of guitars. Given Michaels love of women I’m guessing the models will have names such as whore, penicillin, and Heather. For those still reading, this concludes the Bret Michaels STD comments of the week…

First the arrest at a pub where Sebastian Bach (ex-Skid Row) was just trying to drink a lot, then his divorce, and now this: He writes/sings a ballad for the Oregon Ducks football team and they go and lose the national championship game. Poor Bach, such bad luck. Let’s put it this way. If you are sitting at a Blackjack table in Vegas and Sebastian Bach is sitting at your table, there is a ninety-percent chance the dealer will have Blackjack…

Apparently Ozzy Osbourne is jealous of his wife Sharon and her gay make-up artist, accusing them of having an affair. This is despite seeing the make-up artist kissing his partner. Ozzy is still not buying it. How does this end? Don’t know, but there is potential for Ozzy using the phrase “shagging” so count me in. On the universal comedy scale, Ozzy using the word shag is right up there with the song “Hip to Be Square” by Huey Lewis and The News as well as any scene from the sitcom My Two Dads…

During a recent interview, Joe Elliot (Def Leppard), mentions a new live album coming soon. Also that the editing process takes “three-four times to make sure nothing bad slips through”. Hmmm. So, only songs from Pyromania will be on the live album?...

Very excited to hear Tesla is making a new acoustic album. They plan to create some new music and rework some old songs. Consider this my vote to modernize the song “Signs” with references to Twitter and Facebook…

A Kronenbourg 1664 beer commercial features Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead) performing a slowed down version of “Ace of Spades”. Lemmy is not defending the commercial, instead questioning whether he should have allowed it, openly questioning if he had sold out. I don’t think it’s possible for Lemmy to ever sell out? No, it’s just not possible, unless…

This week’s Velvet Revolver tease comes from drummer, Matt Sorum, who again reiterated that the band is very interested in a well known, heavier lead for their group. The rumors include Lenny Kravitz, Chris Cornell, or one of the Debarge brothers. Okay I made the last one up, but what about Lemmy Kilmister? Okay, the rumor also says the singer is younger so that rules out Kilmister as well as both the Debarge brothers…

Rob Halford (Judas Priest) on discussing the upcoming Priest farewell tour, “We’re not the first band to say farewell”. Well, that is true, but they would be the first to keep their word and not get back together. Oh wait, I forgot. Reunion tours are like hookers in Amsterdam. They don’t count…

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.