The Haunted Vocalist Peter Dolving Checks In
THE HAUNTED vocalist Peter Dolving has posted this message on his MySpace page:
"One month of absolutely astounding results.
I had an epiphany after feeling like complete fucking crap for two months straight. Feeling absolutely worthless, useless and like utter crap. This, though everything in my life has been pretty much nothing but good. And then - clarity. I saw what the problem was. Self perception. My image of myself. Not just how I view this Peter Dolving character. No, a deep insight in my basic approach to everything that concerns me. I've gone through the last 30 years with this way of looking at myself and how I go about everything in life; I believe I'm worthless. With no redeeming values what so ever. No value, no weight, no nothing, ningun, niente, nada, zilch, zero, an absolute void really. Holy shit.
I also came to this understanding; Even though this might be my emotion, hard facts disprove me. I am a good dad, I actually have happy, communicative, creative and intelligent kids - worthless? They'd be fucked up, they're not. My wife has been with me for 10 (TEN!)years, and she still laughs at my crappy jokes, bares with me in my updownupdown little private rollercoaster, and she tells me she loves me. And it can't be the money, I know that for a fact. I live in a small house in the woods and my neighbours talk to me, lend me a hand and ask me for help and drink my coffee. No nervous scraping of feet, no forced politeness, simply no bullshit. I have friends. No real ones who've been there 15 years. Worthless don't keep friends for that long. I get to come to their homes, eat and drink, have my kids spill food all over their furniture and floors and keep getting invited back. I get to play music with some of the most talented people I have ever met in my life. People I admire. People I feel, well, inferior to. And what do they do? They treat me with love and respect. They listen to my ideas, my dreams, my visions and my woes. And they keep doing it. Worthless don't get invitations to participate in working with their peers and heroes. I get mail, and letters from people all over the world who appreciate work I participate in. Shit, worthless don't even piss people off.
And it dawned on me how fucking incredibly grateful I am for this life. A life I've hated my way through for too long.
It's funny in a sick kind of way, because my low self esteem has functioned like armor. No matter how much others have claimed to hate me, I've always shrugged, like "Yeah, well at least you don't have to BE me, you can just fuck off, cause I hate me more...". Pretty much explains why I always loved NIRVANA's 'Negative Creep' or 'Here Come Sickness" by MUDHONEY.
So if anyone wonders why I haven't been blogging a lot lately, it's simple; I've been busy living.
As far as elections, music-scene, politicians and internet slander goes; Fuck 'em all... but you knew I'd say that...
And yes, I still hate Glam Rock, Emo, and fags who are too chicken shit queer to call themselves Proud Homo, cause you know what? I can't stand superficial drama and featherboas. In my book, we're all freaks - some just don't have the fucking balls to be square about it.
Oh yeah, if you by any means really loooooove the goth latex polished surface world, please keep doing it, but don't hide from why, and don't blame mom and dad - they're just as fucked as you and me.
Peace and love fuckers!"
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