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Archive: Just For Funs

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Slipknot To Launch New Line Of Official Merch

For all the maggots out there who want more than just Slipknot shoes and costumes and masks, Slipknot has announced that they will be launching a whole new line of official Slipknot merch:

Ant farms are out, maggot farms are more exciting. Rather than watching little 6-legged insects crawl around on sand, you will be able to see maggots squirm on rotting meat.

Other merch, themed to your favourite masked member, includes sleepwear, bed sheets & pillow cases, curtains, toilet seats, bath towels, diapers, lamp shades, toasters, blenders, coffee mugs, mouse pads, umbrellas and more.

And there's nothing better than waking up to a Slipknot alarm clock, which blasts "People=Shit" at high decibels. You'll never wake up late again.

New merch will be availabe on Slipknot's official online store this fall.

Read the full article at this location.

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Korn's Head To Organize Christian Rock Festival

Metalunderground.com can now confirm that recently departed Korn guitarist, Head, has been hard at work as of late. He is planning a summer-time three day festival that is going to be dubbed HEAVENFEST. The event will take place in an unknown venue in Salt Lake City, Utah. A few names have been tossed around and said to have been confirmed for the festival such as: Zao, Living Sacrifice, As I Lay Dying, Believer, and there is a talk about a possible Stryper one-time only reunion show! The event is said to be taking place during the month of August. Also, the festival is going to be sponsored by Peta and Greenpeace. There'll also be a chapel so anyone who attends the festival and would like to pray while rockin' out can do so. Tickets are said to go on sale sometime in June, as soon as the venue is confirmed along with a few other loose ends that need to be tied down.

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ex-Static-X Guitarist Tripp Eisen Joins Korn

Solidifying internet rumors, Korn's Jonathan Davis has confirmed that recently departed Static-X guitarist. Eisen, whose real name is Tod Rex Salvador, was recently forced out of his band Static-X following sexual assault and kidnapping charges of a 14-year-old Sayreville girl whom he met on the Internet. If convicted, he faces a maximum of 30 years in prison on the kidnapping charge alone, but a verdict will not be reached for many many months and he remains confirdent that his name will be cleared.

Jonathan Davis had this to say, "We welcome Tripp into Korn with open arms and hold nothing against him. We believe in innocent until proven guilty." "And besides, we're all going to hell anyway," Davis added in a thinly veiled allusion to the back-and-forth between himself and recently departed and born-again christian Brian "Head" Welch. "At least he likes girls and not little boys," he then added.

Salvador said only this: "I thank Jonathan and the rest of the Korn family for believing in me and giving me a chance."

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Hatebeak Guitarist Bites Head Off "Singer" At Show

In combined Ozzy and Mayhem fashion, during the band's first live performance, Hatebeak's guitarist bit the head of his lead singer, Waldo, who happened to be a parrot. The guitarist continued to chew it and rend flesh from the bones of the twitching bird. After a minute or two of this, he threw the twitching carcass toward one side of the stage where tourmates Caninus were hanging out. In a matter of seconds the band's pitbull duo Budgie and Basil (vocals) had devoured the bird carcass. However, the fighting between the canine "singers" continued and made its way onto the floor, causing a general panic. With fights breaking out and people fleeing the club, the show was cancelled.

Appalling as that incident may be to animal rights activists, the question that fans now want answered is whether any other bird can replace Waldo. Hatebeak's future hangs in the balance, as this incident occurred on the first tour date in support of their upcoming Warner Brothers release.

A Warner Brothers executive was quoted as saying "We're confident Hatebeak will find a suitable replacement and have huge success with us in the future. This nonhuman vocalist trend is on the rise and Hatebeak will be here to spearhead it's rise!"

The pitbull duo of Caninus are currently being held in a local dog pound until the authorities finish their investigation into this matter. The band's human members could not be reached for comment prior to publication of this article.

Damage estimates from the small West Virginia club totally approximately $23,000.

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More in The Saga of Fred Durst's Leaked Porn

LIMP BIZKIT frontman Fred Durst has refuted Internet reports that his recently leaked hardcore sex video was the work of the same hacker as the one responsible for hacking Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick.

"If you look on Paris' thing, I don't use T-Mobile," Durst told MTV News. "No, no, [my listing in her Sidekick] is just old, years old. Somebody that was repairing my computer was smart enough to go through anything he could [and found the movie]. What can I say? I'm not proud of it.

"Everyone, probably everyone in this building, has done something similar to what I did, and nobody cares about it," he added. "But if you're high-profile, or on someone's radar ... then it matters. What happens to me happens to me, and I have to live with it and go on."

Durst said he's been contacted by at least one company seeking his cooperation in selling the video.

"When those things happen to people, there are companies that approach you, say, 'Hey, man, you wanna make some money off this? People are gonna see it anyway,' " Durst explained. "I said, 'Absolutely not, I don't wanna make any money of this. This is ridiculous.' So when you see [celebrity sex tapes] out there with big company names on them, you can know people gave them permission to release it."

David Hans Schmidt, a Phoenix-based publicist who has represented celebrities in the selling of nude photos in the past, said the thieves contacted him in September and he's been negotiating with them and Durst's agents ever since.

"I was close to turning something illegal into something legal and then these hackers reneged and went out and put the tape on World Wide Web along with my home telephone number," Schmidt said. "Now we're gonna get 'em. Government agencies are meeting with me this weekend."

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Fred Durst Home Porn Leaked From Hacked Sidekick

Fred Durst has little to do with metal these days, but seeing how he is the whipping boy of nu-metal (Limp Bizkit are arguably not even that), this was too good a story to pass up:

Hackers claim to have broken into the T-Mobile Sidekick of Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, and stolen a risque video he had stored on it. The video, featuring Durst's trademark tattoos, voice, and a shot of his face, shows the singer videotaping himself having intercourse and receiving oral sex with an unidentified female.

Gossiplist.com supposedly obtained a link to the site where the video is posted for download, though it's only available to paid members.

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Mayhem Through The Eyes Of An Infidel

Chris Campion from The Observer recently joined Mayhem on the road and shared his observations:

"Backstage after the first show of a whistle-stop winter tour of Norway, Necro Butcher, bassist with Norwegian Black Metal band Mayhem, is already a bit tipsy. He is gleefully reading back his own words from an article about the band in the local newspaper. "I promise not to throw animal heads at the audience in Bergen.

The last time the band played in the city, a sheep's head thrown from the stage smashed into the skull of an audience member. "He wasn't watching the band," shrugs Necro Butcher. "He was talking to a girl,' he says, implying that the man should have known better. Animal heads speared on microphone stands are de rigueur for a Mayhem show. 'We usually use pigs' heads but we couldn't get one that night. We like to throw them to the audience at the end of the show so they can, y'know, play around with them.

He returns his attention to the double page spread, holding it aloft with outstretched arms."Fuckin' excellent!" he slurs. "This 'is the first positive article ever written about Mayhem in Norway.

Read the full article at The Observer.

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Satanic Band 'Caused Four Deaths'

Prosecutors called on an Italian court today to impose heavy jail sentences on two members of a Satanic rock group accused of murdering three people and inciting a fourth to suicide in a case that has shocked Italy.

The court was asked to impose sentences of 20 years and 16 years respectively for Andrea Volpe and Pietro Guerrieri, who are accused of being the leaders of the "black metal" rock group Beasts of Satan, obsessed by Satanic rites.

Lawyers for Mr Volpe and Mr Guerrieri have opted for an accelerated trial procedure, which under Italian law leads to reduced sentencing. They are due to be sentenced tonight or tomorrow (AEDT). More...

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Black Metal Denounced By The Vatican

These are some excerpts from an article posted in the Washington Times:

"PARIS, France, Jan. 11 (UPI) -- Satanism is growing so quickly worldwide that as of next month a papal university in Rome will offer courses on this frightening phenomenon.

It is the Internet that, along with "black metal"-type rock music and its chilling lyrics, attracts the world's young to the Prince of Darkness.

A cursory glance of gruesome incidents linked to Satanism worldwide proves that this is the true locus of the "culture of death" Pope John Paul II never ceases to denounce. In recent years, these things occurred, for example:

-- In Finland a youthful pair was jailed for eating part of a fellow devil worshiper's body, abusing it sexually, then cutting it into small pieces, all to the tunes of Black Metal music - and all in a Satanist ritual.

-- Only recently in a forest near Milan, Italy, youngsters danced on the graves of two coreligionists they had just killed - in a Satanist ritual murder"

Read the full article at Washington Times.

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The Genres Of Heavy Metal

I came across this and couldn't help but laugh when I read it. So I thought I'd share it with you all.

HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and f*cks the princess.

GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f*cks her....... easy and quick. More...

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Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics

Ruthless Reviews scribe Mike From Hobart has compiled a list of the "Top Ten Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics Of All Time," which includes such bands as Immortal, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, Old Man's Child and Satyricon.

Check out the list and pics here.

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Just For Fun: "Ultimate moshing contest"

I happened to run across an "off topic" post about an "Ultimate moshing contest " game in Flash on LordAlex's Coldfusion MX blog. Check it out if you're into those sorts of mini-games. Post your scores here too.

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Deathbringer Is Dead...

After I was told I was told I was fired from Metalunderground.com I knew what I had to do. I went to his place and we had a little conversation about this. After a few minutes it became a very heated argument, things got a little crazy. At one point Doug (a.k.a. DeathBringer) had slapped me, almost like a pimp would smack his bitches. At that point I flipped shit and beat the hell out of him. After he tried getting up again I knew what I had to do, so i hit him in the head with a frying pan and knocked him unconcious. Then I went to his garage while he was still unconcious and got something very nice, a chainsaw! I took it back in to the house and needless to say, I was going crazy, and I'm pretty sure I'll be in jail by tomorrow but I thought I'd share with you that I murdered Doug. Also, he removed me from the site's database, but after about 10 minutes on his computer I re-instated myself into the database, so I'm back for now bitches!

Read the full article at Here.

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Dino Cazares To Take Fear Factory To Court

According to a source close to Dino Cazares he is said to be trying to take Fear Factory to court if they do not give him the rights to use the band's name. He said at one point he was the person who came up with the name for the band and therefore all legal rights to the name should be his. Also, if he wins this battle, he will be seeking a few members for the band to continue with. One person is all but confirmed to be joining him if he wins this battle. That will be Skum, skumlove's vocalist, him and Dino have always been friends, and Dino has played with Skumlove live. This is apparently Dino's way to re-pay Skum so-to-speak. More info on this as it is released!

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Summer Sanitation Tour 2004 Coming Together

Finally an informed source reports that details for this year’s Summer Sanitation Tour 2004 are coming together. The bands expected to play are as follows:

Def Tone Loc
Stinkin Fart
Limp ShitStick

As rap-rock is dead, this year’s tour will hit clubs, particularly seedy ones at that, instead of stadiums. More details to come…

Read the full article at this location.

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CorrosiveMind Fired From Metalunderground.com

After a warning about posting about the Darkness, CorrosiveMind posted yet another story about the Darkness not too long ago. After much deliberation and a few drinks to get the courage, the decision was made. Doug, (aka deathbringer) was quoted as saying the following among other incoherent mumbling:

“Goddammit, wtf is this pansy a$$ Darkness glam sh** doing on metalunderground?!?!? I’m gonna kill that sonnuvab**** for posting this sh** again!!! [belches]”

Other offenses included “reasonable discussions” of the merits of Slipknot (we all know that Slipknot is the “best band” that “sucks ass” EVAR, so stfu and DIE MAGGOTS), posting stories moments before I do, thereby invalidating my own efforts, and that awful story about Phil today...RIP.

In order to maintain a respectable level of metal news, we just had to let him go. It’s a shame this had to be done, seeing how the Darkness have now gone Black Metal…

Next up, more details about the Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit and Finger Eleven tour…

Read the full article at this location.

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Slayer Officially Break Up

For a while I have been hearing about a Slayer break up, but refused to post anything about it here due to the fact that something this important shouldn't be tossed around until it's confirmed. It has been confirmed and the story is as follows: More...

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Fred Durst Legally Changes Name to fredurst

It was just discovered through a records search on the Internet that Fred Durst has legally changed his name to fredurst. Following the limpbizkit incident, it's expected that he'll think the better of it and change it back shortly.

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Cradle Of Filth Possessed?

CRADLE OF FILTH bassist Dave Pybus has posted the following studio update on the band's official web site:

"It's official... CRADLE OF FILTH are possessed!!! We have now been transformed into zombified pork scratching eating fiends! On my return from a short weekend break, I was instructed NOT to come back unless I brought with me a whole sack of pork scratchings (to those who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's small bags of rock hard fatty pig skin!). The guys were rabid and scoffed the lot like greedy blood-crazed shits! Zombie patrol Vs. Ghoul tools Vs. Tag team tossers! They did taste good though.

On a more serious note: Maybe some of you are wondering how the new record is shaping up. Well, Adrian has completed all drums. I should be done with bass this week too. Dani has started vocals on like 6 or 7 tracks. Paul has nearly completed all his guitars and James has a few songs left to play. Martin... I mean he's well into his keyboards. Everyone is very excited when we get to hear the tracks building up and there is way more variation with the songs. Fast, slow, moody, ultra fast, evil! You know the general theme... HEAVY METAL!!! True and simple. Only CRADLE OF FILTH styleee! We also have the album cover design 99% there and just done a few new t-shirt designs. Visited at the studio by our endorser rep and general superhero Dom Fairbanks!

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Stratovarius 'Sex, Drugs & Rock 'n Roll' Video

Following the recent turmoil, STRATOVARIUS are back in the news. This time Tolkki reveals some details regarding the new single and video from the next album:

"I have always been a huge fan of CRADLE OF FILTH. Their videos are so perfect, (imbued) with strong emotions. I just asked Danny to be the director of our new video and he agreed! Damn that’s fucking great. You'll find a lot of blood and dark atmosphere on that video."

Dark atmosphere but also a lot of sex…

“With Miss K as a singer, it’s impossible to avoid the sex part that you find on COF videos. Miss K will be certainly naked on that video… And I may be as well…"

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