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Archive: Just For Funs

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Metal Council Convenes On 'Metal Hand Sign' Abuse

VATNAJÖKULL GLACIER, ICELAND—In an emergency session Tuesday, members of the Supreme Metal Council strongly condemned the increasing use of the metal hand sign in lay society, claiming that its meaning has become perverted by overuse.

Elders of the Supreme Metal Council examine amateur-video evidence of what they are calling "a worrisome trend."

"The metal sign, or 'sign of the goat,' has all but lost its impact as a token of respectful recognition for something truly 'rocking' or 'metal,'" SMC president Terence "Geezer" Butler said. According to Butler, members are upset that their sacred gesture is being used to acknowledge and celebrate "favorable but clearly non-metal events."

Formed in 1972 and comprising 12 of the most revered leaders of the metal community, the council meets annually in its majestic hall atop Vatnajökull, Iceland's largest glacier, to discuss metal affairs. The SMC convened for a special session after Nikki Sixx, Overlord Of Glam Metal Affairs, was sent hard photographic evidence of metal-sign abuse across the nation. Sixx's fellow high priests said they were "shocked," calling it "one of the most serious affronts to metal's integrity since the rise of rap-metal in the late 1990s."

Read the full article at The Onion.

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Boingboing's "Black Metal for Dummies"

BoingBoing.net has made a post, likely inspired by the most recent "Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time". The post contains several pictures for illustrative purposes as well as external links, so I will simply link to it here. The intruduction to the post starts like this:

"What is black metal? There are as many definitions as there are demons in Satan's subterranean condo. And like those hot-and-bothered helldwellers, Black Metal afficionados are a contentious lot -- sometimes even murdering one other over who is and isn't true to the genre."

BoingBoing.net posts all sorts of weird stories, and it's funny to see a stray Black Metal post, however devoid of real content.

A link contributed by a reader also worth a glance is this How to make your very own Black Metal band.

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Metroid Music Gets Remixed Metal-Style

Certainly a post for those metal geeks (I know you're out there) and console gamers, Metroidmetal.com has taken many of the in-game songs from Metroid and Super-Metroid, games praised for their music as well as gameplay and replay value, and created metal-infused versions of those songs. Here's straight from the website itself:

"metroidmetal.com is a place to celebrate the mysterious and hypnotic melodies from nintendo's classic game series, metroid. these songs beg for more energy, so I've created this site to experiment with the genre that would suit these songs the best... metal. here, I've made all songs available for download on the songs page. there's more to come. thanks for visiting, tell your friends, and visit the messageboard for more info!!"

You can go to metroidmetal.com for more information and to download the songs (under "songs").

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The Other Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics

It's been a year since Mike of Ruthlessreviews.com posted his famous Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time. He has just recently followed this up with (The Other) Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time. These are humorous must-read pages for any metalhead who can laugh at metal and/or black metal (whether a fan of it or not).

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Seeking Diecast Volkswagon Commercial

This is old news, but also a request. If you haven't seen the Volkswagon commercial featuring Diecast's "Rise and Oppose," then go check it out here (fourth ad-thumbnail). I laughed out loud when I first saw the commercial on TV, and it's cool to have good extreme music make an entrance into mainstream media even if it's as a joke of sorts.

I am looking for a copy of this commercial that can be downloaded in any video format (or flash) available for the PC. Please post the URL in the comments for my eternal gratitude.

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Black Metal Boosts Language Interest

A deep enthusiasm for the Norwegian languages is thriving at La Sapienza University in Rome. The modern and historical languages are seen as an exotic and romantic subject thanks to student passion for Norwegian Black Metal bands.

Teacher Sven Otto Scheen's class full of black leather and metal-studded pupils in Rome is part of the NRK (Norwegian Broadcasting) series Typisk Norsk (Typically Norwegian), which examines aspects of the Norwegian language.

Almost all of the 15 students studying Norwegian in Scheen's class are doing so because of their devotion to Norwegian Black Metal bands. More...

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Lars Ulrich Makes Hostile Takeover of Beatallica

After several quotes reportedly said by Lars circulated around the 'net, Lars has made a statement that he has assumed ownership of Beatallica, the band who plays "Beatles tunes, Metallica-style".

"I did the right thing and stood up to the megacorporation who was trying to bully the little guy (Beatallica). But there's no free lunch in life. N-n-n-napster (sic) should have taugh you that much. I had to sell two of my paintings to pay for those lawyers' time to consult on the matter, so I am exercising the my rights written into the agreement Beatallica signed when we began negotiating with Sony on their behalf. I am taking over the band and will assume all profits from performances and merchandising until that time my debt incurred is paid off. I have the final say in everything the band does. Furthermore, if the band decides to disband, I am entitled to their regular wages to pay back the legal fees."

Beatallica had been slapped with a cease and desist order by Sony and had its website(s) shut down as a result of the claimed copyright infringement of the Beatles' musical compositions. Tierney, 35, an occupational therapist by day, was pleasantly surprised when Ulrich called him a few weeks ago and helped negotiate with Sony's lawyers in order to clear the matter.

But Tierney was furious when he heard Lars' statement. A mostly bleeped/edited version of Tierney's reaction was aired on "live" (time delayed) MTV news. What he actually said remains under debate, but he was clearly pissed.

When reached for comment in light of Tierney's televised reaction, Lars had only a short message while waving the devil's horns and making deranged faces:

"Larz 0wnz Beatallica. Larz 0wns j00!"

Read the full article at this location.

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Fred Durst's Sex Tape Scheme Unveiled

Metalunderground.com has gotten word from a friend of a friend of Fred Durst who reveals that Durst's leaked porn video was part of a half-baked plan at achieving Tommy Lee-like fame as both the rocker and the sex object. Our source revelaed that the "computer repairman" was a friend, or rather accomplice, of Dursts who did exactly as he was told by leaking the video footage.

Upon hearing this story, our source says he immediately went and downloaded the footage form the Internet and, much to his chagrin, watched it. "It was sooooo ameteur. The problem is that [Fred Durst] didn't have the tool [sic] or the camera presence that Tommy Lee has. He didn't have Pamela either for that matter. He obviously didn't think his plan through very well."

It wasn't hard to find out from the Limp Bizkit fan club coordinator, who is seeking a new job, that their fan club had been bleeding members - presumed to be largely female - since the incident and is at a level of membership not seen since "Three Dollar Bill Yall$".

Durst could not be reached for comment, but we're sure we'll hear plenty out of his big mouth once he's ready to talk.

Read the full article at this location.

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Slipknot To Launch New Line Of Official Merch

For all the maggots out there who want more than just Slipknot shoes and costumes and masks, Slipknot has announced that they will be launching a whole new line of official Slipknot merch:

Ant farms are out, maggot farms are more exciting. Rather than watching little 6-legged insects crawl around on sand, you will be able to see maggots squirm on rotting meat.

Other merch, themed to your favourite masked member, includes sleepwear, bed sheets & pillow cases, curtains, toilet seats, bath towels, diapers, lamp shades, toasters, blenders, coffee mugs, mouse pads, umbrellas and more.

And there's nothing better than waking up to a Slipknot alarm clock, which blasts "People=Shit" at high decibels. You'll never wake up late again.

New merch will be availabe on Slipknot's official online store this fall.

Read the full article at this location.

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Korn's Head To Organize Christian Rock Festival

Metalunderground.com can now confirm that recently departed Korn guitarist, Head, has been hard at work as of late. He is planning a summer-time three day festival that is going to be dubbed HEAVENFEST. The event will take place in an unknown venue in Salt Lake City, Utah. A few names have been tossed around and said to have been confirmed for the festival such as: Zao, Living Sacrifice, As I Lay Dying, Believer, and there is a talk about a possible Stryper one-time only reunion show! The event is said to be taking place during the month of August. Also, the festival is going to be sponsored by Peta and Greenpeace. There'll also be a chapel so anyone who attends the festival and would like to pray while rockin' out can do so. Tickets are said to go on sale sometime in June, as soon as the venue is confirmed along with a few other loose ends that need to be tied down.

Read the full article at this location.

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ex-Static-X Guitarist Tripp Eisen Joins Korn

Solidifying internet rumors, Korn's Jonathan Davis has confirmed that recently departed Static-X guitarist. Eisen, whose real name is Tod Rex Salvador, was recently forced out of his band Static-X following sexual assault and kidnapping charges of a 14-year-old Sayreville girl whom he met on the Internet. If convicted, he faces a maximum of 30 years in prison on the kidnapping charge alone, but a verdict will not be reached for many many months and he remains confirdent that his name will be cleared.

Jonathan Davis had this to say, "We welcome Tripp into Korn with open arms and hold nothing against him. We believe in innocent until proven guilty." "And besides, we're all going to hell anyway," Davis added in a thinly veiled allusion to the back-and-forth between himself and recently departed and born-again christian Brian "Head" Welch. "At least he likes girls and not little boys," he then added.

Salvador said only this: "I thank Jonathan and the rest of the Korn family for believing in me and giving me a chance."

Read the full article at this location.

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Hatebeak Guitarist Bites Head Off "Singer" At Show

In combined Ozzy and Mayhem fashion, during the band's first live performance, Hatebeak's guitarist bit the head of his lead singer, Waldo, who happened to be a parrot. The guitarist continued to chew it and rend flesh from the bones of the twitching bird. After a minute or two of this, he threw the twitching carcass toward one side of the stage where tourmates Caninus were hanging out. In a matter of seconds the band's pitbull duo Budgie and Basil (vocals) had devoured the bird carcass. However, the fighting between the canine "singers" continued and made its way onto the floor, causing a general panic. With fights breaking out and people fleeing the club, the show was cancelled.

Appalling as that incident may be to animal rights activists, the question that fans now want answered is whether any other bird can replace Waldo. Hatebeak's future hangs in the balance, as this incident occurred on the first tour date in support of their upcoming Warner Brothers release.

A Warner Brothers executive was quoted as saying "We're confident Hatebeak will find a suitable replacement and have huge success with us in the future. This nonhuman vocalist trend is on the rise and Hatebeak will be here to spearhead it's rise!"

The pitbull duo of Caninus are currently being held in a local dog pound until the authorities finish their investigation into this matter. The band's human members could not be reached for comment prior to publication of this article.

Damage estimates from the small West Virginia club totally approximately $23,000.

Read the full article at this location.

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More in The Saga of Fred Durst's Leaked Porn

LIMP BIZKIT frontman Fred Durst has refuted Internet reports that his recently leaked hardcore sex video was the work of the same hacker as the one responsible for hacking Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick.

"If you look on Paris' thing, I don't use T-Mobile," Durst told MTV News. "No, no, [my listing in her Sidekick] is just old, years old. Somebody that was repairing my computer was smart enough to go through anything he could [and found the movie]. What can I say? I'm not proud of it.

"Everyone, probably everyone in this building, has done something similar to what I did, and nobody cares about it," he added. "But if you're high-profile, or on someone's radar ... then it matters. What happens to me happens to me, and I have to live with it and go on."

Durst said he's been contacted by at least one company seeking his cooperation in selling the video.

"When those things happen to people, there are companies that approach you, say, 'Hey, man, you wanna make some money off this? People are gonna see it anyway,' " Durst explained. "I said, 'Absolutely not, I don't wanna make any money of this. This is ridiculous.' So when you see [celebrity sex tapes] out there with big company names on them, you can know people gave them permission to release it."

David Hans Schmidt, a Phoenix-based publicist who has represented celebrities in the selling of nude photos in the past, said the thieves contacted him in September and he's been negotiating with them and Durst's agents ever since.

"I was close to turning something illegal into something legal and then these hackers reneged and went out and put the tape on World Wide Web along with my home telephone number," Schmidt said. "Now we're gonna get 'em. Government agencies are meeting with me this weekend."

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Fred Durst Home Porn Leaked From Hacked Sidekick

Fred Durst has little to do with metal these days, but seeing how he is the whipping boy of nu-metal (Limp Bizkit are arguably not even that), this was too good a story to pass up:

Hackers claim to have broken into the T-Mobile Sidekick of Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, and stolen a risque video he had stored on it. The video, featuring Durst's trademark tattoos, voice, and a shot of his face, shows the singer videotaping himself having intercourse and receiving oral sex with an unidentified female.

Gossiplist.com supposedly obtained a link to the site where the video is posted for download, though it's only available to paid members.

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Mayhem Through The Eyes Of An Infidel

Chris Campion from The Observer recently joined Mayhem on the road and shared his observations:

"Backstage after the first show of a whistle-stop winter tour of Norway, Necro Butcher, bassist with Norwegian Black Metal band Mayhem, is already a bit tipsy. He is gleefully reading back his own words from an article about the band in the local newspaper. "I promise not to throw animal heads at the audience in Bergen.

The last time the band played in the city, a sheep's head thrown from the stage smashed into the skull of an audience member. "He wasn't watching the band," shrugs Necro Butcher. "He was talking to a girl,' he says, implying that the man should have known better. Animal heads speared on microphone stands are de rigueur for a Mayhem show. 'We usually use pigs' heads but we couldn't get one that night. We like to throw them to the audience at the end of the show so they can, y'know, play around with them.

He returns his attention to the double page spread, holding it aloft with outstretched arms."Fuckin' excellent!" he slurs. "This 'is the first positive article ever written about Mayhem in Norway.

Read the full article at The Observer.

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Satanic Band 'Caused Four Deaths'

Prosecutors called on an Italian court today to impose heavy jail sentences on two members of a Satanic rock group accused of murdering three people and inciting a fourth to suicide in a case that has shocked Italy.

The court was asked to impose sentences of 20 years and 16 years respectively for Andrea Volpe and Pietro Guerrieri, who are accused of being the leaders of the "black metal" rock group Beasts of Satan, obsessed by Satanic rites.

Lawyers for Mr Volpe and Mr Guerrieri have opted for an accelerated trial procedure, which under Italian law leads to reduced sentencing. They are due to be sentenced tonight or tomorrow (AEDT). More...

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Black Metal Denounced By The Vatican

These are some excerpts from an article posted in the Washington Times:

"PARIS, France, Jan. 11 (UPI) -- Satanism is growing so quickly worldwide that as of next month a papal university in Rome will offer courses on this frightening phenomenon.

It is the Internet that, along with "black metal"-type rock music and its chilling lyrics, attracts the world's young to the Prince of Darkness.

A cursory glance of gruesome incidents linked to Satanism worldwide proves that this is the true locus of the "culture of death" Pope John Paul II never ceases to denounce. In recent years, these things occurred, for example:

-- In Finland a youthful pair was jailed for eating part of a fellow devil worshiper's body, abusing it sexually, then cutting it into small pieces, all to the tunes of Black Metal music - and all in a Satanist ritual.

-- Only recently in a forest near Milan, Italy, youngsters danced on the graves of two coreligionists they had just killed - in a Satanist ritual murder"

Read the full article at Washington Times.

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The Genres Of Heavy Metal

I came across this and couldn't help but laugh when I read it. So I thought I'd share it with you all.

HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and f*cks the princess.

GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f*cks her....... easy and quick. More...

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Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics

Ruthless Reviews scribe Mike From Hobart has compiled a list of the "Top Ten Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics Of All Time," which includes such bands as Immortal, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, Old Man's Child and Satyricon.

Check out the list and pics here.

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Just For Fun: "Ultimate moshing contest"

I happened to run across an "off topic" post about an "Ultimate moshing contest " game in Flash on LordAlex's Coldfusion MX blog. Check it out if you're into those sorts of mini-games. Post your scores here too.

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