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The Rockstar Ramblings: A Metal Video Marathon

Photo of Guns N Roses

Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

Jon Bon Jovi alone increased acid washed denim sales by 40 percent. In the videos “Living on a Prayer” and “You Give Love a Bad Name” there are more ass shots of Jon than two years of Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez on TMZ…There is no way the Latin kid playing the drug lord in Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood” rises to the top of the underworld…I always thought it was assumed Poison wore the most spandex until I saw the number of tight changes in David Lee Roth’s “Goin Crazy”…KISS easily has the most body hair of any rock band…The song “You’ve got Another Thing Coming” by Judas Priest takes on different meaning from when I first saw it years ago…

Let me get this straight, the KISS song “Heavens On Fire” is about orgies, right?...Poison’s choreographed side struts and “jump and roll” moves are second only to Warrant’s moves in “Down Boys”. ..Has enough time passed where we can say that Poison picking C.C. Deville as their guitarist over Slash saved two bands?...Both “Mystery” and “Rainbow in the Dark” by DIO are incredibly confusing to me. I just had an anxiety attach trying to summarize these videos…Are those leggings on Jon Bon Jovi in “Runaway”? Why hasn’t this been discussed? If not, then they are bandanas wrapped around his ankles, again, shouldn’t this had been called out years ago?...

Quiz time: Jon Bon Jovi is to acid washed jeans as Sabastian Bach is to: A) Tight Leather Pants B) Denim Jackets C) The move of falling to your knees and screaming to hit the high notes D) All of the above…Does it bother anyone that in the Guns N Roses video “Patience” Slash is more interested in his guitar and snakes than the several half naked girls getting in his bed?...The razor blades strapped to the arms of Blackie Lawless in the WASP video “Wild Child” make me wonder what happens once he’s got a couple of drinks in him…

So if I understand correctly, Twisted Sister liked the format for “We’re not Gonna Take It” so much they decided to substitute a teacher for the parent as the authority figure and essentially make the same video for “I Wanna Rock”? I guess that makes sense…In the live video “Wild Side”, Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue is seen spinning around with his guitar hanging out. For the life of me I can’t figure out the purpose, but have to admit, it works the same way Cinderella spins their guitars over their shoulders which is every Cinderella video I have ever seen…

The use of digital girls in Poison’s “Unskinny Bop” was strange when I first came out because I didn’t understand why they didn’t just use real girls. Now I wonder why other bands haven’t picked up on this…Was the same mental hospital used for every Quiet Riot video?...Kip Winger should have been a member of Kiss. I’m basing this on chest hair alone…

David S. Grant is the author of books Corporate Porn, Bleach|Blackout, Hollywood Ending, Emotionless Souls, and The Last Breakfast. His new novel, Blood-the New Red, will be available this fall. For more information please go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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1. Jamez writes:

LOL! Thank god Glam Rock is history now

# Aug 28, 2009 @ 11:47 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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