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Austrian Death Machine - "Jingle All The Way" (CD Single)

Austrian Death Machine - "Jingle All The Way" CD Single cover image

"Jingle All The Way" track listing:

1. I'm Not a Pervert (3:01)
2. It's Turbo Time (2:27)
3. Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies? (3:12)

Reviewed by on December 8, 2011

"...Austrian Death Machine’s tribute to [Jingle All The Way] is a brutal and brutally hilarious diversion that belongs in the collection of any Austrian Death Machine fans."

What’s the best way for a metalhead to celebrate Christmas? Clearly it’s by listening to a distressed Ahhnold scream that he’s not a pervert, he just wants the man doll very badly. If you don’t understand the reference, consider yourself lucky – you haven’t seen the film of the same name that inspired “Jingle All The Way.” But whether anyone has escaped having their Christmas movie memories ruined with that particular cinematic “gem” or not, Austrian Death Machine’s tribute to the flick is still a brutal and brutally hilarious diversion that belongs in the collection of any ADM fans.

Like the 2008 holiday excursion “A Very Brutal Christmas,” this Tim Lambesis-led thrash/metalcore attack is short and sweet and doesn’t overstay its welcome. The digital version is only two tracks and six minutes long, with the vinyl edition also getting a re-recorded version of “Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies?” off the “Double Brutal” album. Unlike the band’s earlier Christmas single, “Jingle All The Way,” unfortunately doesn’t have any actual Christmas metal covers, instead only focusing on Ahhnold’s quest to recover the Turbo Man doll in the movie that inspired the songs. “I’m Not A Pervert” is easily the funnier of the two tracks, but “It’s Turbo Time” has a blistering guitar solo that’s a highlight of the album, humorously ushered in by Ahhnold in his typical flustered and angry attitude.

Like with the other Austrian Death Machine releases, the actual music is heavy and filled with breakdowns and guitar solos. If the subject matter was a bit different, the music would fit perfectly on a more serious metal album. Not everyone can handle the random Ahhnold appearances or ridiculous lyrics, but for those in on the joke it’s an all around good time. It’s a bit like a less raunchy (although just as low-brow) and more brutal Steel Panther; some people love it, and others hate it, but either way it’s worth hearing.

Highs: Great solos and overal brutal music

Lows: Not as funny as some of the earlier material, and there's not actually any Christmas songs

Bottom line: Austrian Death Machine offers more Christmas themed Ahhnold mayhem with music that's actually worth hearing even if the silly nature of the lyrics doesn't appeal.

Rated 3.5 out of 5 skulls
3.5 out of 5 skulls

Rating Description
Rated 5 out of 5 skulls Perfection. (No discernable flaws; one of the reviewer's all-time favorites)
Rated 4.5 out of 5 skulls Near Perfection. (An instant classic with some minor imperfections)
Rated 4 out of 5 skulls Excellent. (An excellent effort worth picking up)
Rated 3.5 out of 5 skulls Good. (A good effort, worth checking out or picking up)
Rated 3 out of 5 skulls Decent. (A decent effort worth checking out if the style fits your tastes)
Rated 2.5 out of 5 skulls Average. (Nothing special; worth checking out if the style fits your taste)
Rated 2 out of 5 skulls Fair. (There is better metal out there)
< 2 skulls Pretty Bad. (Don't bother)