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The Rockstar Ramblings: #RIPMotleyCrue

Photo of Motley Crue

Band Photo: Motley Crue (?)

This week Motley Crue announced their retirement, sort of. Via a press conference the band announced a retirement that would begin after a two-year tour. Apparently they signed a contract that is completely valid unless they all decide to void or write up a new contract. Anyway, there is going to be a U.S. and International tour, maybe a new album, and a country tribute album. I’m sure the country tribute album will bring it all together.

This week a salute to the band’s early work and one of their first videos: “Too Young to Fall in Love.”

The video begins in a dark corner of an alley near the docks. There is a young girl and she is hungry, a man draped in the uniform of a monk approaches. A small Asian girl sees this as troubling so she does what any logical kid looking for help would do – she goes looking for Nikki Sixx.

We get our first glimpse of the band; they are in full glam mode, not in a future Poison way, more like Kiss and more the way Sixx envisioned, before the Theatre of Pain makeover happened. So the little Asian girl approaches and whispers something into Nikki’s ear. She either tells him about the girl or asks him how he gets his hair to do that.

Back at the dark alley, the hungry girl was given something to eat, but is now appears to be the property of an old wise man (who may be a pimp?). Good news on the Motley front, they found their instruments.

While the hungry girl is bathed the band is led by the little Asian girl, they pass the bowl the girl was eating from. Tommy Lee has a taste and is disgusted. Think about that, something so awful tasting even Tommy Lee doesn’t approve. That is some really nasty stuff.

The band shows up to confront the old wise pimp man. The old guy is not amused and sends his Ninja Samaria Militia (Bonus: Great Band Name Alert!) after them. Each member of Motley knocks out the Ninja Militias with one punch. It is the most unbelievable minute I’ve ever watched. Then the video takes a strange move. The band notices “Sixx” marks on the old wise man’s face and also on one of his whores, so the band decides to leave.

On the way out, Lee again tries the food, hoping for a different result. Instead, the food is still disgusting and now Samurai guy shows up to try and take off his head. No problem, Tommy takes him out with a burlap bag (presumably filled with bullshit).

So what happened to the girl? Is she “taken care of” or will she be sold to sailors that set anchor at the docks? Apparently this is not a problem for Motley Crue; clearly they were hungry and left to get a good meal.

Rockstar_Scribbler's avatar

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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