Just For Fun
Kerry King Clarifies News From Slayer Camp
With the dawn of 2013 came the disconcerting news from the Slayer camp that not only one, but two founding members would be sitting it out on the world tour that the band would be heading out on. Dave Lombardo had once again left the fold of the legendary thrashers over alleged contractual issues, just ahead of the band's stint in Australia.
One of our contributors sent in some email questions to veteran Slayer mouthpiece Kerry King to get the guitar legend's thoughts on the schism in the ranks and to debunk all these unfounded notions that Kerry is controlling and rapacious. After a lengthy wait, the email questions were transcribed and sent back to us by an unnamed source from the Slayer camp. Today on Metal Underground, we bring you that conversation so you can hear it from the horse's mouth, and not another part of the horse's anatomy. Here is the interview:
Sonic: Hey Kerry, what an honor. I own every Slayer record and you're my idol. I've prepared some questions for you.
Kerry King: "No problem man. I've got a sound check and have to lay down some riffs in twenty minutes, so make it snappy. My roadie is copying down every other word, so I hope the gist isn't lost."
ST: Everyone seems to blame you for Dave Lombardo leaving the band. Is that an unfair assertion? The official band statement looked like it came from a lawyer or manager, so can the fans have your official version of events?
KK: "Here we go again....You know, Dave's like my brother, but it isn't the first time he's left the band. He left us high and dry back in the eighties. I had to bring in the Whiplash drummer during the Motorhead tour. He claimed back then he didn't make enough money to pay for his apartment. What's his excuse now? I personally think he's bored. He prefers being the main focus in Grip, Inc. and says he was more challenged by the drumming of Fantomas. I think Mike Patton lured him back for the next album since Terry Bozzio was busy or something."
ST: Dave said that the contract he was shown looked like he was going to make no money, and that he made nothing during the 2012 tour. I checked your net worth on the internet, which is 15 million. Dave's isn't far behind at 12 million...
KK: "Seriously, guy - are you some kind of cyber stalker? Everyone's downloading our albums for free, so I stepped up my game years ago. Dave should do so too. I think he's upset that Tom got a key to Vina del Mar, Chile and he never got a key to Havana, Cuba (where he was born)."
ST: Where do you get a flight to Cuba anyway? In other thoughts, did you see that open statement that Massachusetts band Lich King issued to Dave, basically telling him that he can join their band and split like twelve dollars in profit every night, 99 cents for each song download and a Red Robin gift certificate?
KK: "Hey, that's not far off the mark. If he wants to have his heart in the underground, he can get down in the trenches and remember what it's like. Play a show for a keg of beer and street cred. I prefer not to! I'm not going to get big endorsements from BC Rich guitars being in some club band."
ST: How have you 'stepped up your game?'
KK: "For years I've had a booth at the Reptile Super Show, which you might be familiar with. I hold symposiums on snakes and extract poisonous venom from them as my side gig. I make good bank selling it to that Arizona lab BioVetera, which make antivenom out of it! I have three guys on my property that milk the snakes and then inject doses of it into my horses and goats. Then they draw the blood rich in antibodies. I get a thousand bucks a gram, which I keep most of after paying those dudes minimum wage! Dave should get his own side hustle too!"
ST: Do you make as much money being in Slayer?
KK: "I used to. I sure don't anymore. Damn youtube. A million hits means a few thousand fans not buying your shit. Nowadays I am just in the band because of my fanaticism for the underground and because it is my image. Being in Slayer opens the doors for everything else I do. If I were to hang it up, I wouldn't have the stature that I have in the scene. I don't have to create a masterpiece anymore - I can just slam out a few uninspired riffs and it will still chart big because it's Slayer. Speaking of that, and our new Slayer plans, we're adding a fifth song to the Rock Band network - 'Wicked.'"
ST: What made you pick that song?
KK: "The kids were complaining that our other songs were too complicated to play. So, we threw an easy one on there. Now they can get to all their unlockables. Instead of nine tiers for "Raining Blood," they get through in two. More visibility for us."
ST: Speaking of Rock Band, are you against when a group 'pimps' out product to make money?
KK: "Well, yeah, when it's for that reason alone. Monopoly and mini-golf is pointless and not metal. Do something that makes sense music wise! I have a new First Act guitar coming out at Walmart. Super cheap and now kids can play like me for a fraction of the cost. They don't even have to play some songs. They'll be programmed into the guitar. Now a rookie can feel like a King. It's all about the music."
ST: Speaking of guitars, how is Jeff doing? That necrotizing fasciitis is no joke. Like six people all around America lost arms and legs to it last year. But most of them got the bacteria from swimming in lakes. Do you really think a spider did it? Jeff is reclusive, but the spider sure wasn't...
KK: "He's been pretty lucky, you know? Maybe if he'd earned enough money on the last tour he could have hired an exterminator. We left the door open for him to return after he spends another year in rehab. I'm not in LA much, so I can't tell you a whole lot. I do know that three months after leaving an active role in Slayer, his insurance policy with the band lapsed. He has to go to a sliding scale clinic in the city now, on a waiting list behind low income people, and wait two months to get an hour of therapy. Gary will fill in until we know what's going on."
ST: You were quoted in a recent news blurb in Loudwire saying something to the extent that Jeff can't play the fast songs like "Jihad" anymore - just material like "South of Heaven."
KK: "Something along those lines. We're re-recording 'Criminally Insane,' 'Necrophobic' and several of our other faster songs to make them easier on Jeff while he regains his strength. I mean, look at Def Leppard. They adapted their songs and drumming for their bro, so why not Slayer?"
ST: You're allright Kerry! Haters are gonna hate! Even Rob Flynn buried the hatchet with you and admitted you were right. So why are you always portrayed as being in some beef with other musicians like Corey Taylor? I do agree with your comments on Metallica musically masturbating.
KK: "Like I've said before, you diss me once - that's all you get! I'll leave it at that. I get in trouble by what I say because I have balls the size of tennis balls, balls that can choke a horse. Metallica are like the emperor's new clothes. They don't even know how bad they sound, since they're surrounded by sycophants. Performing with a symphony? That's like saying 'look at me, I'm so important.'"
ST: I hear that you have a brand new project out? Does this mean Slayer's going to be on hiatus after the tour?
KK: "Hell no! I'll keep it going as long as I can. Dry hump that cash cow. Two founding members equals a fifty-fifty split. I'll get a couple of fanboi guitarists and drummers on craigslist who will do anything to be in the band for chump change! I'm going to keep on exploring anti-religion and evil themes on the new Slayer album. One song, 'I am Thetan,' will deal with that evil Scientology cult and how David Miscavage milks all of these stupid celebrities with his teachings. Another track I just laid guitar riffs down on is 'Present Day DMZ.' It's a song about Kim Jong-Un's quest for a North Korean nuclear holocaust."
ST: That sounds sick! What's the name of your new solo project, and who's in it?
KK: "The King Khronicles! Me and the Duplantier brothers from Gojira started jamming after the last tour. It's gonna be a monster. We're bringing in Rob Trujillo on bass. He wants to get back to his Suicidal roots and is fast getting tired of playing James Hetfield's Bob Seger tunes. You'll have to wait for details, but we should have a couple of tracks up on our soundcloud page by next week - 'Subliminal Mindfuck' and 'Pogrom of Pain.' At first we thought of combining the names of the two bands. Slayjira didn't have the right ring to it and Gayer was definitely out, so I scratched that. I had 100% artistic control in all of our sessions, which was a must."
ST: Will Dave contribute to it in any way?
KK: "Oh, he'll be back in other ways. Being in Slayer is too intoxicating for him to leave for too long. Trading in Slayer for all these indie projects he's involved in is like going from a private spa to a public toilet. He craves it. Do you see me in side projects? I just make guest appearances and lend my fretboard wizardly. One song is all another band will get out of me. If I'm going to join another band besides Slayer, like my new solo gig, it better have my name in it."
ST: What's Tom Araya's position on all this upheaval in the band? He has remained stoically quiet.
KK: "He owes it to me. I have the goods on a few dark secrets of his and he knows it. Haha just joking. He knows that the Unholy Alliance tour and another one were partially cancelled because of his back and gallbladder surgery, so he is not one to make waves. He is just happy making enough money to pay the bills at his chicken and cow farm in Texas."
ST: How's the current tour been going? Lots of hecklers giving you guff for Dave and Jeff being missing?
KK: "I let the manager read all the hate mail - same guy who writes the official public statements and writes out my interview answers. If our ticket sales go down, we just jack up the t-shirt and jersey prices. Our last Slayer show had a bunch of asshats in the pit chanting 'no Dave, no Jeff, no Slayer.' I just turned up the amp really loud to drown them all out. They're the ones who bought the tickets, so who's the dummy?"
ST: What's new in the world of tattoos?
KK: "I just signed a deal to take over Vegas Ink, Vince Neil's bankrupt tattoo parlor next to the Imperial Palace on the strip. He's been thrown in jail so much for DUI's that he couldn't manage the place. His new probation terms stipulate that he must remain more than 500 yards from any booze, gambling and titty bars - so he couldn't manage the place anymore. Paul Booth is bankrolling it with me. We want to bring in crazy and artistic mofos like Marc Duce of the Mentors, who has his own studio in Cali. We'll have five big screen TV's showing live wrestling matches."
ST: Does that mean you're going to stop breeding those poodle show dogs in your spare time?
KK: "Seriously, dude, I stopped breeding dogs years ago. And they were Akita hunting dogs - so don't be a dollar store douche. I'm done with this interview, I've got shit to do."
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