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The Rockstar Ramblings: Talk Dirty To Me

Photo of Poison

Band Photo: Poison (?)

Over the past few weeks the band Kid Rocker has filed lawsuit against the band Poison for allegedly stealing songs originally written by Kid Rocker (band was broke up and presented the songs to C.C. as members of the band Screamin’ Mimis). Video (at the bottom) has surfaced, showing the bands riff for what would later become an alleged Poison hit. My opinion: given this alleged theft occurred over 20 years ago I find the timing suspicious. No word yet as to why wait until now to bring the lawsuit. The songs include “Talk Dirty to Me”, “Fallen Angel”, and “I Won’t Forget You.” What a perfect time to celebrate the video for “Talk Dirty to Me”; a made for MTV spectacle that started it all for the glam conglomerate we would come to know as Poison. Full Disclaimer: I was twelve and a big fan of this video when it came out. Did it shape my life in any way? Still working through this twice a week in therapy.

0:01 An old couple is sitting in front of an old television set. The man smokes an old style pipe (any older it would be a corncob). A phone is ringing and it’s for their daughter. The mother mentions how ‘Bret’ sounds like such a nice young man. There is so much going on no one even calls out that this old couple is watching a Poison video. There is NO WAY this happens.

0:14 Bret Michaels hanging out on the side of a stage. He is swinging the phone by the cord; this is a sign that Michaels is a bad boy and doesn’t give a shit. You think he cares? Look at the way he’s handling that phone - badass.

0:15 “Hit it C.C”

0:16 Lots of guitars, lots of pinks and reds. High five!

0:23 C.C. DeVille, Bobby Dall, and Bret Michaels perform a choreographed kick move. Yes, this video is on a stage, in an empty auditorium.

0:33 C.C. throws away a guitar. Maybe he does this because it doesn’t sound the way he had hoped. This would become an ongoing issue for Mr. DeVille.

0:38 Bret’s hair is teased up as girls with long legs walk by. There is a fog machine and Michaels is wearing eye shadow and blush to compliment his hair. I’d fuck him.

0:44 Here’s Rikki Rockett, his hair looks a lot like Michaels. This makes sense (I think) given Rockett was a hairdresser. Standing next to each other they look the same.

0:50 Bret is rolling around on the stage as a camera follows him, getting uncomfortably close to Billy Squier “Rock Me Tonight” territory here, better be careful!

0:55 Michaels has changed from the long black leather jacket to a sleeveless James Dean T-shirt. You can take the boy out of Pennsylvania, but you can’t make him wear sleeves; might as well be waving a terrible towel.

1:00 Sexy?!?

1:06 Bret and Rikki switch back to the red “Blue Oyster Bar” style hats.

1:12 Bobby Dall grabs Bret and pulls him into his crotch, uh, guitar.

1:16 Now swing your partner round and round.

1:30 C.C. in a Cheetah jacket doing 360’s then stops and Bret grabs him from behind. KEEP doing 360’s C.C.! Save yourself.

1:42 Oh no, C.C. is singing into a microphone you know what that means. Remember the time DeVille went solo and covered the song “Hey Good Lookin’?” If yes, I find that simple Tylenol helps with the nightmares.

1:46 Another shot of Bret and Rikki posing next to each other and begging the question, same guy?

1:48 Should we just start calling this the Bret Michaels Hump Strut? Done.

1:52 Lyrics are ‘I Call You/I Call You on the Telephone’…Michaels makes a phone gesture with his hand to ensure there are no misinterpretations of his lyrics.

2:02 Either Bret or Rikki begins shadow boxing; I honestly don’t know which one it is.

2:11 Bobby Dall manic leg kicks, possibly jamming his heel into his other leg and trying to figure out how he got here.

2:33 It’s quick, but Bret makes the two fingers up to mouth/tongue gesture. This happened. Twenty five years this is now the Steel Panther go to move. More from the History of Rock and Roll…

2:36 Rikki Rockett salutes no one in particular.

2:41 Bret tells C.C. to “pick up that guitar and talk to me”; it is assumed that this is to be interpreted as DON’T SING C.C.!

2:44 DeVille throws another guitar. Why don’t these damn pink guitars work for me?

2:53 Bret Michaels and Bobby Dall hopping together; a close-up of Bret’s boots.

2:56 C.C. rolling around on the stage, doing whatever it takes to get his guitar to work.

3:05 High Five!

3:09 First appearance by Rikki Rockett’s vinyl baby blue jacket; it compliments his pouty lips. I’d…oh, forget it. It’s assumed at this point.

3:13 Bret inadvertently collides with C.C., no problem here, just a couple of guys having a good time, until…

3:14 Bret grabs DeVille’s left breast!

3:19 Hip thrusting with microphone under Michael’s crotch along with the lyrics More, More, More…

3:28 Bret is now slithering on his ass. Okay, even the camera guy wants to wrap this one up.

3:45 One more shot of Rickki and Bret next to each other looking like twins.

3:55 Party time for the groupies.



Rockstar_Scribbler's avatar

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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