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The Rockstar Ramblings: Chickenfoot’s “Big Foot”

This week a look at Chickenfoot’s latest video, “Big Foot”.

The video starts off as every alcoholic’s nightmare. Waking up in a chicken coup, wearing a chicken costume. It’s an odd choice to drink out of the same water bucket as the other chickens, but then again, it’s probably a nasty hangover and any beverage will do at this point.

The chicken man leaves the coup and hops into a muscle car and turns on the radio. We know from the song its Led Zeppelin, but I was hoping for Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55”. Cut to the band and see Michael Anthony singing the harmony, WOW! For my money NO one sings backs up vocals like Anthony, it makes me nervous he is not part of the new David Lee Roth/Van Halen album.

There’s a stop for gas, a brief confrontation, and then a strange crossover resulting in chicken man stealing a little girls bike. This only lasts for a second because as we all know: You can’t wear the chicken costume AND ride a kid’s bike. Like a three-minute mile, it’s impossible. During the Joe Satriani guitar solo the chicken man meets another alcoholic who is dressed up as big foot. A weird alcohol infused “Blair Witch” type fight erupts before the chicken man escapes.

The next scene is disturbing. Any time a grown man is walking through a playground wearing a chicken costume he might as well be driving a windowless white van with a bumper sticker that reads KID TOUCHER. He messes with some kid’s food (NOTE: this is the second time he has now messed with a kid – bad karma), hops on a scooter, and ends up at a bar where he orders several shots. Two possible outcomes here: 1. The bar becomes a giant party and the chicken man ends up body surfing or 2. Chicken man is thrown out of the bar.

After getting thrown out he ends up at the Golden Gate Bridge. There is a girl wearing a feather dress that was probably a girl he was flirting with prior to getting black out-end-up-in-a-chicken-coup drunk! Then it happens. As he is crossing the street to meet the girl a white van crushes the chicken man. Cut back to the band as feathers fall in the studio.

We are left with the question of “What was the moral of the video?” Don’t eat meat? Don’t fuck with kids? All white vans, even the ones with windows are evil and often belong to a kid toucher? Maybe. I’m going to go with don’t wear a chicken costume because eventually someone is going to run you down. A lesson to all my alcoholic friends out there…

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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