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The Rockstar Ramblings: It’s like X meets Y

Photo of Judas Priest

Band Photo: Judas Priest (?)

While Vince Neil (Motley Crue) does his time in jail his girl on the outside is concerned because he’s working the breakfast shift and has only eaten some peanut butter and a baloney sandwich. Given the length of his sentence (less than a month) this doesn’t sound like anything of concern. This sounds like fat camp for middle aged rock singers…

A report this week states that actor Tom Cruise is set to star in a movie version of the Broadway hit musical Rock of Ages. If the prerequisite is having lip synced in your underwear on screen and acting crazy off screen, well then Cruise should nail the role. Other wishful thinking hopefuls include: Oprah singing “Here I Go Again (on my OWN)” by Whitesnake, Charlie Sheen belting out “Nuthin’ But a Good Time” by Poison, Tracy Morgan providing comedy relief and random F bombs singing “I Wanna Rock” by Twisted Sister, Betty White sings “Heaven (isn’t too far away)” by Warrant, and of course Tony Danza singing Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” because no one understands how hard life is on the road (limos, first class, five star dinners, etc…) quite like Tony Danza…

While promoting his new interactive book this week, Ratt Drummer Bobby Blotzer, also discussed a new line of wines coming soon named Ratt N Roll / Out of The Cellar. FLASH BACK 30 YEARS AGO: “So, if the Out of The Cellar album does really well, you know, this is an awesome name for a line of wine”…Other album names that could be used to market wine in the future? Two categories: UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN SEE THIS HAPPEN IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE: Motley Crue’s Dr. Feelgood, Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet, and of course, KISS Lick It Up. THESE SHOULD HAPPEN, BUT PROBABLY WON’T: Poison’s Open Up and Say Ah!, Diamond Dave’s A Little Ain’t Enough, The Scorpions Blackout, Judas Priest’s British Steel (it would just sound cool to come back from the liquor store and say you just picked up a bottle of British Steel versus Pinot Grigio), and it goes without saying, AC/DC’s T.N.T…

Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi) has partnered with Nikki Lund to create what Sambora has called “gorilla dance music”, he then goes on to say the sound of their music is like country music meets the White Stripes. In related news Jani Lane (Warrant) describes his new album sounding like The Beatles meets Hoobastank meets Foo Fighters. Whatever guys, by the way, this week’s column has been brought to you by a writer whose writing is like Dr. Seuss meets Hunter S. Thompson…

My review for the video for Sixx A.M.’s new song (below) “Lies of The Beautiful People”: The video is like the movie Saw meets a photo shoot meets large naked girls meets Nikki Sixx’s nightmares…

Lies of The Beautiful People (with Nikki Into)

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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1. Blindgreed1 writes:

The Oscar Meyer commercial taught me to spell "bologna" not "baloney". Have I been mislead by corporate ad campaigns? lol.

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