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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Ozzy Bowl

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Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

It was reported last week that Vince Neil (Motley Crue) owes 1 million dollars in taxes. He has since denied this report, but I’m assuming one of his many business ventures will cover the expense if needed. If not, expect a hat to circulate the crowd during this year’s Crue Fest…

Bret Michaels (Poison) continues to recover from heart surgery. The surgery was originally to fix a hole in his heart, but turned into a much larger procedure when they found an actual VH1 cameraman wrapped around his aortic valve…

Warrant has hit a new milestone with allowing their ballad “Heaven”, to be used in a commercial by the laundry detergent, Gain. Given eighties rockers seem to resonate with the forty something MILF (and non-MILF) crowds could we be seeing the start of something new? How about Skid Row’s “I Remember You” for PMS medication for that special time of the month? For men, well I can’t think of a better song than Def Leppard’s “Rocket” to sell penis enlargement products. Public service announcements for STD prevention? Motley Crue’s “Red Hot” works, of course, “I Remember You” may also work here as well…

Glee creator Ryan Murphy continues a war of words with rock bands that won’t allow their songs to be sung by a bunch of freaks in his show. The exception to this is the band Journey. Don’t be surprised to be watching television and there is woman holding a gallon of Tide laundry detergent with the lyrics “Just a small town girl…” being sung in the background…

News from the Aerosmith camp is that everything is okay and they are recording a new album. Oh yeah, except for the missing Joe Perry who is not around due to an unspecified commitment. Sure, and Charlie Sheen was just reading inside his hotel room complete with porn stars and suitcases full of eight balls…

The band KISS has announced that they are planning to release their 20th studio album this. One of the track names: “Sex Ain’t Love” shows the band apparently going down a new, more sophisticated path in their song selection. A more classic, immature KISS would have recorded the song as “Sex Ain’t Love, but Rock is Love”…

More Vince Neil news says he will surrender and serve his 15 days in jail for his DUI after he celebrates his 50th birthday. Anyone else find themselves hoping Vince gets one of those “50: Over The Hill” flashing buttons and has to wear it on the collar of his country jail uniform?...

Members of Bon Jovi continue to discuss the long break they are going to take after their current tour which is another way for the band to say Jon is going to try to act again. I’m fine with Jon acting as long as this doesn’t mean the television show Ally McBeal (where Jon Bon Jovi played the boyfriend) makes a comeback. One of my top 5 highlights from the year 2002 was the cancellation of that show…

Ozzy Osbourne spoke on the possibility of Black Sabbath recording a new album and his response was that it would be anti-climatic. A nice way for Ozzy to say he needs to keep his wife busy because the guys don’t want to do it if Sharon is hanging around…

If Slash teaming up with The Black Eyed Peas during halftime isn’t enough to turn your stomach, what would be the Super Bowl without a few witty placed odd couple commercials? This year Ozzy has teamed up with teen pop star Justin Bieber for an ad for the electronics chain Best Buy. Sadly another year passes without ninja-like David Coverdale (Whitesnake) teaming up with Ralph Machio and William Zabka (Daniel-san and Johnny of the Cobra Kais from The Karate Kid) for a public service announcement to “kick education in the ass”. Another idea I have is a plug for California tourism, showing a drunken Sebastian Bach (ex-Skid Row) driving around Napa Valley, reenacting the movie Sideways…

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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1. CorpusUpir writes:

I love this column . Always makes me smile

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