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Bret Michaels Life As I Know It Episode 4

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Band Photo: Poison (?)

Three episodes in and not a lot of highlights unless of course Bret Michaels picking up after his dogs or playing “hate” dodge ball with his girlfriend is entertaining. Time to keep this show moving, this week the Bret Michaels “Awesome” shot rules will be in place. I will be drinking Patron, chased with Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips.

Episode 4 begins with Bret in New York City, promoting his shows and music. While he is out being a whore, Kristi and his daughters are staying at the Trump Soho hotel. All taken care of by Donald Trump; a thank-you for creating Donald’s best ratings for a Celebrity Apprentice finale. The stay includes what appear to be debit (or credit) cards for shopping, a beautiful view of the city, and a heavy door that Kristi plows into Jorja’s head, leading to tears. Jorja didn’t get the memo: No tears allowed in a Trump building.

Meanwhile Michaels is on the Wendy Williams show where the only interesting tidbit is Bret and Wendy backstage, when Wendy asks if Bret is going commando under his jeans. He confirms that he is going commando, and that he has never worn underwear. Immediately Hanes and Fruit of the Loom cancel their advertising with VH1. On Money Rocks Bret discusses the business of his music and reality TV, and then allows the host to say “Awesome”. Does this count? Too late. Cheers!

During shopping sprees Kristi is discussing buying lingerie for Bret with her little girls and then Bret asks to incorporate a toy horse and unicorn into naughty time with Kristi. The kids are disgusted and this show is beginning to show shades of Growing Up Twisted, except of course that the kids are normal, and not “into” it.

I am still sober when Bret and Kristi meet Donald Trump Jr. and his wife out for dinner. Bret is getting grilled over not marrying Kristi, leading Bret to describe Kristi’s parents as “insanely awesome”. I have never met these people, but for the sake of tequila, I agree. Cheers!

SPOILER ALERT (okay not really)… it’s pretty clear that this show is setting up a Bret marriage proposal, and then a sequel maybe titled: Bret Michaels Engaged As I Know It which will lead to Bret Michaels Married As I Know It, Bret Michaels Divorced As I Know It, and then finally bringing it back full circle with a fifty-year old Rock of Love IV. I’m just saying…

The dinner ends with Bret thanking Donald Jr. by saying the “dinner was awesome”. Once again, cheers!...

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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2 Comments on "Bret Michaels Life As I Know It Episode 4"

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MetalByNumbers's avatar

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1. MetalByNumbers writes:

You calling Bret Michaels a whore sealed the deal for me. This was really funny

# Nov 10, 2010 @ 3:13 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metal-man's avatar

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2. metal-man writes:

me too.

# Nov 30, 2010 @ 12:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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