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Bret Michaels Life As I Know It Episode 3

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Band Photo: Poison (?)

This week begins in Phoenix, AZ where Bret takes his daughter to a Children’s Hospital to talk about diabetes with some of the patients. Overall, a nice gesture despite the Celebrity Apprentice and Snapple promotion on the side, also, Bret dropped the phrase “You’re going to be awesome” to a little kid. If you use an entertainment level scale with a range of 1 to 10 we are hovering around .5. This looks like this might change when a fan asks Bret to go see her brother, who is unable to get out of his hospital bed. The brother? Well, it’s a new born child and Bret makes a bad joke. So for entertainment purposes, what if…

Bret walks into the room and sees the new born child. Bret makes his bad joke and then he looks over to the corner and sees Heather from Rock of Love, then he looks to the far corner and sees Maury Povich and this is when Bret realizes Maury is going to run a paternity test and he is going to find out if Bret is the daddy of this child. This would put us somewhere around an 8 on my scale, unfortunately this never happens.

Back to uh, reality. Bret has to leave to perform, but while on the road has Kristi and his daughters come meet him in his hometown Pittsburgh, PA. There is a family BBQ that looks like a home movie. While this is happening, the entertainment scale is plummeting into negative numbers. Then we see Bret tossing around a football in a parking lot with a bunch of old dudes he went to high school with. Un-watchable.

…back in the hospital room, Maury has the results and Bret is NOT the father. Disappointed, Heather pulls out a clipboard that has several names crossed off and crosses off Bret’s name, leaving only one: Big John…

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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