Growing Up Twisted: Cody Waxes Shane
Band Photo: Twisted Sister (?)
This week’s episode of Growing Up Twisted begins with Cody and Shane playing with Suzette’s pet tarantula. Suzette states that the purple and black color reminds her of a scrotum. Immediately Cody and Shane are interested to know whether this is what their father’s (Dee Snider) scrotum is like.
Dee appears to let everyone know that this week the family will be participating in the March of Dimes bike rally for premature babies. Jesse has just gotten his motorcycle license and plans to ride in the rally. On his way to pick out a bike with Dee, Jesse comes up with a new song titled “Riding a Motorcycle,” which sounds a lot like the song from the previous episode, “Rock and Roll Ain’t Dead.”
Shane and Cody decide they are going to dress up for the rally in an attempt to sell T-shirts. Obviously this works well for Cody because he will have the opportunity to wear leather with his brother Shane. For those that have not followed the show, the odds that Cody will have sex with his brother Shane before the series finale is 3 to 1, the odds in Vegas for Cody having sex with his mother is currently at 2 to 1. At the biker store Cody goes right for the ass less chaps and a patch that reads THIS IS NOT MY FIRST PENIS. They settle on leather vests, fake beards (one that looks like Rollie Fingers and another that looks like father time), and patches that read VAGITARIAN and NIPPLE FREAK. Clever, is the word that comes to mind. Prior to the rally, Suzette finds out that Jesse is planning to ride and blows up because she still believes she can control her twenty-seven year old son (who is married and has a child).
The day of the rally Jesse and Dee go first and then Suzette goes along with Cody and Shane (Cheyenne is also in the vehicle, but I suspect is not allowed to say anything due to the Child Services investigation). Suzette decides to change in the car, in front of her boys who are now wearing their leather vests and fake beards. Normally, this would be enough for reality water cooler talk (a mother changing into a leather body suit in front of her grown boys), but this particular episode, we are just getting started.
At the rally Suzette, still insistent on not allowing Jesse to ride, takes his keys and sticks them down the front of her shirt. What are the odds her son goes in after them? Well this is the Snider family, meaning that before we can calculate the odds Jesse already has his mother pinned down and is feeling up his mother, trying to get his keys back. Oh, did I mention there are hundreds of bikers watching this? After, Suzette is knelt down on the pavement, with tears in her eyes as if she had just gotten raped. Lucky for her she was not raped, only groped by her twenty-seven year-old son.
The race goes on. During the middle of the race, Suzette says her bike is stalling and cuts off Jesse. Jesse maneuvers around the obvious attempt of his mother trying to make him wipe out only to prove her point. Her point? Either that motorcycles are not safe when you have a lunatic in front of you, or that she didn’t enjoy being felt up by her son. Next time she’ll put the keys down the front of her pants.
Back at the base, Cody and Shane are not selling many shirts, mostly because instead of bikers they look like a couple of extras from the Police Academy Blue Oyster Bar scenes. Cody decides that they should have a contest: Whoever sells the most T-shirts gets to wax the other brother’s chest. Perfectly natural bet between two brothers, right? Cody wins.
The last scene is back at the Snider house, showing Cody tying down Shane, straddling him, and talking dirty to him while he applies wax to his shirtless brother. After being violated, Shane tells the camera that it was a terrible experience and that he got an erection.
Stay tuned for next week’s episode when Cody does the brotherly thing and takes care of Shane’s erection.
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