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Growing Up Twisted: Are They Real?

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Band Photo: Twisted Sister (?)

The third episode begins with Cheyenne looking or hiding socks and not wanting to participate in her older brother Shane’s sketch comedy act. Apparently Shane needs the whole family involved or else it just won’t be funny. It is unclear whether the socks are going to be part of the act. Cheyenne takes a nap and wakes up in tears, eventually she goes with her Mom (Suzette) to a magic shop because they need to buy a beard. When she inquires about a beard that hobby magician confirms that they have a wizard beard and that it looks real. Duh, don’t all wizard beards look real? Where it gets interesting is when the hobby guy magician asks Suzette if her breasts are real. This immediately angers her so she calls Dee and the boys to let them know that someone else is talking about her breasts. Being the twisted family they are it’s actually the boys that are more offended. Within minutes Dee and the boys are in the hobby shop threatening this teenage magician who is holding back his laughter.

Back at the house Cheyenne continues to get on Suzette’s nerves, escalating to a boxing match in the back yard. The boxing gets a little out of control, READ: Suzette bloodies up Cheyenne’s face, leading to family tears followed by a family hug. The unwritten rule at the Snider house is you always cry and hug after you beat the shit out of one of your children.

Back to the sketch comedy movie preparation, we find Cody waxing the chest hair off of Dee. We are only on episode three and I’m going to predict that one of the kids will be having sex with their parents by episode six, just throwing that out there in case this actually happens. The sketch act is filmed and both Cody and Shane talk about how much their Mom rocked. This is either because what was shown of the film was NOT funny and/or because they are both REALLY in love with the Mom and are competing for the upcoming special episode six.

The next day is Mother’s day. The Snider boys make breakfast for their Mom and Grandmother. Suzette has French toast, their Grandmother orange juice. Oh, did I forget to mention their Grandma is dead and they are pouring orange juice on her urn? That happened, right before more tears…

By the way, yes (according to Suzette) they are real.

Episode four begins with Suzette wanting to pierce the ears of her granddaughter. When her son Jesse says no she tells Dee she wants to have another child. A little more information: Dee is around 56 years old, Suzette 50, Dee has had a vasectomy, and the main reason Suzette wants another baby is so she can pierce their ears. Needless to say, Dee, who is a pretty pale guy, is even paler during these conversations. When his doctor begins discussing “cutting” the scars from his vasectomy he goes completely white. Of course, during all of this his son Cody is asking whether he can have one of Dee’s nuts.

The kids don’t want another kid. I believe the reason is because they don’t want any more competition for their parents love. They come up with Operation Cock Block which is a plan full of holes that goes something like this: Let’s get some rats and then get some snakes to eat the rats. That way if there are snakes all over she can’t have another baby. After much time this is the best plan the children come up with. Then everything changes.

Dee receives a call from Social Services. Cheyenne decided to tell her guidance counselor about the boxing match from episode three (although I’m assuming she called it earlier in the week and not episode three) and the counselor decided to call Social Services who come over to the house and have to interview the family. Social Services states that they will continue their investigation so Dee and Suzette take this time to go to an adoption lawyer to see about getting another child without cutting Dee. When the lawyer hears there is an ongoing investigation with Child Protective Services they agree they should probably wait. The kids decide to get their Mom pets: a tarantula and a chameleon. She loves her new babies despite the fact that she is unable to pierce their ears. The closing scene informs the viewer that the case with Social Services was dismissed. Just wait for episode six, I have a feeling Child Protective Services could be stopping back…

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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2 Comments on "Growing Up Twisted: Are They Real?"

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1. Hollow writes:

I love this show.

I was laughing when the mother and daughter got in a boxing match.

# Aug 6, 2010 @ 7:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
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2. spiral_architect writes:

for a family that is so brash, filthy-mouthed, and well, snide, i find it difficult to believe that everyone is so highly offended by the magician's comments.

# Aug 7, 2010 @ 8:02 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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