Growing Up Twisted: Tears Are Falling
Band Photo: Twisted Sister (?)
Dee Snider is no stranger to reality TV appearances, but this week A&E launched Dee’s very own Osbourne type show where we follow the Twisted Sister front man’s family in Long Island, NY where they bond together and well, cry a lot. The family is made up of Dee’s sons Jesse, Shane, Cody, daughter Cheyenne, and many tears.
Episode one starts with Dee announcing that he is celebrating his 34th wedding anniversary between himself and wife, Suzette. His wife and children agree he is the romantic one, after all she was 15 (he was 21) when they first “met”. Snider has decided to redo an old tattoo he got with his wife’s name and Suzette has decided to dye her pubes pink and remove a tattoo of Dee’s name from her shoulder. Five minutes in and the romantic drama is already at record heights. This is a good time to discuss the apparent relationship Dee’s kids have with their parents. Open dialogue around Dee’s sex drive and Mom’s pubic hair seems to be a common discussion thread in the household which makes this either the most healthy or most disturbing family I have ever watched.
Cody goes along with Dad to the tattoo parlor and gets a fake tattoo to freak out his Mom, then he watches his dad with tears in his eyes as he gets his tat enhanced, “There’s no crying in metal” The Snider men repeats to soothe the pain. Back home, Suzette breaks into tears over Cody’s tattoo until she realizes it is a fake and also that she needs to prepare for her anniversary night out with Dee. The kids are excited about the night for their parents saying “I can’t picture Dad having sex, but I promote him getting laid. Weird. “Date Night” begins at a favorite Snider restaurant where Dee shows his wife his new tattoo, leading Suzette to begin crying and then when she explains to Dee that she got his name removed, there are tears in his eyes and he cancels the night. For those keeping track on tears between Dee and wife, it is currently tied at two.
The next day Suzette is in a tattoo parlor getting a new tattoo of Dee on her ass. Of course before she got the tattoo she had to discuss with the kids where on her privates the ink should cover. Really weird. Suzette decides that the unveiling of the new tat will come on a second “Date Night” where she will also display the her pubes that are pink and in the shape of a heart. Now who’s the romantic one? Since all of the kids are aware of this they decide to cut up a pink wig and stick the fake pubic hair in their pants. Nothing strange going on here. The (televised part) of the night ends with Dee’s wife showing her tat and giving Snider a lap dance.
For a show that is suppose to be a stepping stone for the Snider kids the first episode looks to be more for his wife in hopes of landing a late night Showtime role. Either way, we are introduced to a family that truly is twisted.
Back to back episodes kick off this reality drama and episode two predictably starts with crying. We see Cheyenne getting a haircut, in tears. The family is planning a Thursday baptism for Dee’s grandchild and to make room the boys begin taking down a trampoline that has been sitting in the backyard for ten years. This leads Cheyenne to begin crying, again, this time because she has so many memories with the trampoline. Look away, nothing weird or cringe worthy here. She doesn’t stop crying until Dee agrees to put it back together.
The family heads into the city to Greenwich Village where Shane, who is a comedian in his early twenties, is doing a set at a comedy club. One of his jokes ends with the punch line “We’re Not Gonna Take It”, which would be okay if this wasn’t his best joke.
Back in Long Island the trampoline comes down and the Baptism comes together. Dee’s oldest son Jesse cries with his wife, Suzette is crying, and Dee is welling up…
So where does this leave this show? Will Cheyenne find a man to replace the trampoline she no longer has? Will Shane come up with the killer joke that ends with “I Wanna Rock”? Will Suzette ever stop crying? Will ANY of the Snider’s keep their eyes dry? Stay tuned…
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