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Celebrity Apprentice: Bret Michaels Wins!

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Band Photo: Poison (?)

The live finale starts with Donald Trump entering the makeshift boardroom with a smoke machine behind him. Wasting little time, Trump announces that yes, after being back in the hospital just days ago; Bret Michaels will be appearing live. Given this news, we are in full Michaels Reality mode: a drink each time we hear the word AWESOME.

Bret’s challenger, Holly Robinson Peete, shows concern and genuine love for Michaels, and then adds she is still there to win and beat that “Unskinny Bop”. Given the catty response, an invitation has been extended to have Holly as a guest columnist for next week’s edition of The Rockstar Ramblings. At present time there is no interest.

The show goes to video to watch the ending of the final challenge (taped months ago). The challenge is to create a new Snapple drink, complete with branding, commercial, and presentation. Bret continues in crisis mode, unable to obtain a Dolly track to shoot his commercial, instead he ends up fastening a chair to a cart for his shoot. After the contraption is built, Bret refers to himself as a “Rock and Roll MacGyver”. After the shoot, Michaels gives his approval with a simple, “AWESOME”.

Next we follow Bret into the editing room where he needs to make his commercial, but realizes he forgets his script (needed to make the commercial). Michaels just goes with it, explaining when his other teammates arrive (Summer Sanders and Darryl Strawberry) that the commercial is still “WIP”, luckily he then explains this acronym means “Work In Progress”. Thanks for the description Bret; I was lost for nearly ten seconds. AWESOME.

After the commercials are finished, both Bret and Holly must give presentations to a large group of Snapple employees (and the Trumps) at a launch event. Michaels starts by doing his best Jay Leno impression, bombing with jokes related to rock music and vodka infused drinks; eventually, Michaels finds his pace, scrapping his script and talking about his experience with diabetes. During the presentation, Bret drops two “AWESOMES”. That is a double for those playing along. At the end of the presentations Trump polls the audience and Bret is the clear winner. In the boardroom (still months ago) Trump asks Bret about the name of his drink, Bret tells him it is “Trop A Rocka” and then Trump does his best Bret Michaels impression explaining that the “Rocka” portion of the name is because Michaels is a rock star. Again, thank you for simplifying; even my dog was able to follow this show. One interesting note was the chemistry between Ivanka Trump and Bret, the usual buttoned up daughter of Donald was noticeably giddy around Michaels, calling him Snappalicious, when in fact the Snapple Executives had used the word Snappitude. Somewhere there is a Snappawesome joke. Searching…

The show comes back to the live set. Joan Rivers (last year’s Celebrity Apprentice winner) throws her support behind Bret, and then Bret is brought out. With a noticeable limp and even more soft spoken voice than normal, Michaels comes out and shakes hands with all of the fired contestants, and makes his way to the makeshift boardroom to a standing ovation. Bret is wearing his blue bandana, and then it happens. The camera pans to Bret’s parents and his dad is wearing…YES!; He is wearing the Tiger Woods Sunday Red bandana! AWESOME.

Minutes away from Donald’s announcement we find the true winner of Celebrity Apprentice is not Holly or Bret, but rather Cyndi Lauper for Trump allowing her to play a song from her upcoming album. I’m not going to criticize the song, but it’s safe to say she will not be making the late night talk show tour with this particular ditty.

Trump announces that both contestants have won $250K for their charities, and that Bret is the winner of Celebrity Apprentice. Was there any chance even Trump could have fired Bret at this point? No one knows, but given it could have gone either way there was really only one choice.

There you have it. With Bret’s batch of present health problems, and the odds stacked against him since episode one, Michaels beats out a comedy gold All-Star cast that included ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich, reality star Sharon Osbourne, and the unpredictable Sinbad.

What is next for Bret? Hopefully recovery, but I suspect I will be covering another reality show in the very near future. In fact, you may want to check back in a couple hours…

You can check out Bret's "Trop A Rocka" commercial (and other clips) below:

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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