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Twilight Author Admits To Writing Metal Albums To Widen Their Apeal To Teenage Girls
In a recent interview discussing how Cradle of Filth would be composing the music for the next Twilight film, Twilight author Stephenie Meyer accidentally let slip that she herself had been moonlighting as a musical writer for various Scandinavian metal bands. Although she indicated that she’d written several albums the only release she would openly admit to was Swallow the Sun’s latest CD. “It’s true,” she stated, “bands have been approaching me to write their music because they’ve run out of ideas. Satan isn’t selling to pre-teen girls so they needed a fresh take. I’m really surprised no one figured it out, I mean it’s even called ‘New Moon’ for Joseph Smith’s sake!” She wouldn't divulge whether the band was officially team Jacob or team Edward.
When vocalist Mikko Kotamäki was asked if Meyer was involved in the Barren Earth EP “Our Twilight” he reportedly collapsed into a fetal position and began sobbing “Why do they have to sparkle? Why oh why do they have to sparkle?” Other bands are expected to come forward soon and admit Meyer had a hand in their recent releases.
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