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Glen Benton Allegedly Encounters and Slays Easter Bunny

posted Apr 1, 2010 at 4:04 PM by Dasher10.  (13 Comments)

Two years after Glen's close encounter with Bigfoot, the Deicide frontman is now claiming to have seen yet another mythological creature, The Easter Bunny. Not only that but Glen has claimed to have killed the Easter's most recognizable symbol.

"I want y'all to know that I was attacked by a giant rabbit in my own home. The thing was six feet tall, and kicked like a motherfucker. When I realized that this thing was to tough for me to fight hand to hand, I ran upstairs and grabbed my shotgun and shot the thing full of buckshot. Took three shots at point blank before the bastard went down. I'm keeping his head as a trophy."

After calling Florida Wildlife, the area was checked and tracks are said to have been found. Glen's experience was documented as an official sighting. Florida Wildlife is currently running DNA tests on the head to see if it is indeed genuine.

Yet this hasn't stopped many from wondering if this Sunday has been ruined for billions of children worldwide.

"He took my candy!" Says a five-year-old named Jenny, distraught at hearing the story of Benton murdering the holiday's most beloved figure. "I want the bunny back! Glen Benton is a poopy-head."

As far as parents, Jenny's father Steve is currently trying to convince his daughter that the holiday is about more than a rabbit bringing her a basket full of candy. "Shame on this Glen Benton. My daughter cried herself to sleep last night when she heard that the Easter Bunny died. This is the most horrible day of her life and I hope that he realizes the consequences of what he's done."

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13 Comments on "Glen Benton Allegedly Encounters Easter Bunny"

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deathbringer's avatar

Founder, owner & programmer

1. deathbringer writes:

I don't think she'd say that to his upside-down-cross-burnt-in-forehead face. Imagine Benton: "who'd you call a poopy-head?!?!" [Girl screams and runs for life]

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:08 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

2. Blindgreed1 writes:

*Fires off a shot from his shotgun* You see the size of that GOD DAMNED CHICKEN? *Fires off another shot and runs out of the room*

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:08 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Hollow's avatar

Member

3. Hollow writes:

Glen is lying! He's trying to steal my spotlight!

Everybody knows I killed Santa Claus and ate the Tooth Fairy.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:15 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
hellrat's avatar

Member

4. hellrat writes:

dude's a fvckin liar man....

I kilt that damned varmit fair and square last easter....caught that wabbit bastard dropping happy colored dukey all over my yard so i gave him both barrels...

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:20 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Hollow's avatar

Member

5. Hollow writes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPb0po2jzfg

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:23 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metalrox555's avatar

Member

6. metalrox555 writes:

I know this may sound immature but I'm morning the loss of peeps this year already :'( Damn that Glen Benton for taking away my peeps!!!

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:32 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metalheaddrummer101's avatar

Member

7. metalheaddrummer101 writes:

metalrox-dude, that's awesome. Peeps are actually really awesome. You can make them joust in the microwave
and I wouldn't be suprised if this was real, either.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 5:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
n0thinghead's avatar

Member

8. n0thinghead writes:

LMFAO!!! this article is f***ing epic WIN!! lol

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 6:08 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
deathfreak's avatar

Member

9. deathfreak writes:

This owns big time.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 10:43 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Dasher10's avatar

Writer/Reviewer

10. Dasher10 writes:

Best part is that I plagiarized part of the Bigfoot article that was on Blabbermouth. I like adding depth to jokes.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 10:54 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
11. HereticPrincess writes:

LOL just great!that girl calling Benton a "poopy head" LOL

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 2:27 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
BLACKENED88's avatar

Member

12. BLACKENED88 writes:

Gotta feel for that Easter bunny lol I'd sh** if Glen came after me lol p.s. f*** the easter bunny

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 3:00 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
13. greyback writes:

poopyhead....lol Great article!

# Apr 3, 2010 @ 12:23 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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