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Alice Cooper Is A Born-Again Satanist

Vincet Furnier, vocalist from the classic shock rock band Alice Cooper, has claimed recently that he is a born-again Satanist. Currently on tour with Rob Zombie, the rocker commonly referred to as Alice Cooper told Metalunderground.com that years of being a born-again Christian had become boring and he was looking for a change, “I used to think that Christianity was the path to salvation, and that golfing was a great sport. But when I dug up that old Black Sabbath record ‘We Sold Our Soul for Rock ‘n’ Roll,’ I saw the light. The black light.”

Alice Cooper has joined the official Church of Satan began by Magus Aton Szandor LaVey in 1966. He attends black masses every Sunday at the same time he would attend church before the switch to the dark side. When asked if the timing was to spit in the face of God, Alice replied, “Not at all. It’s just hard to break out of my Sunday morning routine.” After black mass, Cooper enjoys taking his brunch at IHOP. Alice Cooper has also been witnessed in his stage makeup everywhere. In fact, he has not been seen without the makeup on for some time. Debates are cropping up in metal music forums as to whether the makeup is actually tattooed on to his face.

Once an avid golfer, Alice Cooper now takes sport in performing magic tricks. He purchased a children’s magic trick set at a bookstore and performs the tricks at the store every Saturday afternoon when he is not touring. The store enjoys the crowd he brings in, but Cooper reportedly is not a very good magician. Alice Cooper claimed before his show at 2:30, “I want to be a great magician like my hero Aleister Crowley. Until I get really good, I’ll be doing three shows here at 2:00, 2:30 and 3:00 during Story Hour.” The patrons of the bookstore are becoming aggravated by Cooper’s constant screaming of “Hail Satan!” while they are trying to read. And the blood from daily goat sacrifices to the Devil stain the pages of books.

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34 Comments on "Alice Cooper Is A Born-Again Satanist"

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DeathCrush's avatar

Member

1. DeathCrush writes:

Hail SATIN. WECLOME HOME COOPER lml

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:13 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
2. Crowbar writes:

Nice try Alice....happy April fools!!

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:18 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
3. RTB writes:

Makes sense to me....with all the goreie crap he's done through out the years, it doesnt suprise me one bit that he's turned to the dark side...RIP AC

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:19 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

4. Blindgreed1 writes:

DeathCrush: "Satin"???? LMAO!!! You have totally exposed yourself as a poser. Nice job n00b. Oh, and the horns go like this \m/\m/ not lml ya douche canoe.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:25 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Hammerheart's avatar

Member

5. Hammerheart writes:

Hey, what's wrong with hailing satin? It's soft. If it were socially acceptable, I'd drape myself in it. :)

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:31 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
DeathCrush's avatar

Member

6. DeathCrush writes:

Dude, I am a tolerant person, but you are seriously irritating the sh** out of me..... Do you like bringing other people down to validate your self-worth? You must be pretty miserable

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:32 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

7. Blindgreed1 writes:

HH: I'm sorry dude, but I just can't handle this new kid anymore (DeathCrush). He pushes my buttons.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:33 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
DeathCrush's avatar

Member

8. DeathCrush writes:

^ My job is done then :P

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:35 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Hammerheart's avatar

Member

9. Hammerheart writes:

Blind/DC: I can't tell if you guys are joking anymore or not.. :/ The interwebz makes it difficult.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:35 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
10. bigFnDeal writes:

either a lame attempt at making himself relevant or another stupid April fools joke

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:38 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Hammerheart's avatar

Member

11. Hammerheart writes:

bFD: Have you ever seen Alice in concert? He may be old, but as far as putting on a great show, he's still VERY relevant.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:41 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

12. Blindgreed1 writes:

DeathCrush: "Do you like bringing other people down to validate your self-worth?" LMAO!!! No just you n00b. " My job is done then" You can say that again.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:49 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
buickmckane's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

13. buickmckane writes:

Nothing about the story itself other than one comment? damn.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 12:51 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

14. Blindgreed1 writes:

This is a Rob Zombie publicity stunt to promote his new movie. It was reported as such on another site.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 1:12 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Dasher10's avatar

Writer/Reviewer

15. Dasher10 writes:

stop arguing.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 2:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

16. Blindgreed1 writes:

^^^Stay on topic. ;-)

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 2:29 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
17. METAL DESTROYER writes:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 2:39 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
18. the messenger writes:

is this an april fools day joke ? someone tell me please so i'll know how to respond !!

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 2:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
buickmckane's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

19. buickmckane writes:

I'll never tell. Why don't you post a comment for both instances?

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 2:53 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
20. RTB writes:

Messenger your a bright one.....go with your gut...or ask god....pray, ask him and he will respond with a "yes my son" or a "no my son".....trust me ive done it before....
There is an almighty up there...

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 3:56 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
hellrat's avatar

Member

21. hellrat writes:

no Eli, stear clear....its a devils trap designed to ensnare and divide your brilliant mind----NO!! such heresy cannot come to pass!

nay, away i say....spare yourself and the divine prophesy true and certain destruction here---now go, off with you!

vaya con Dios, companero :)

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:06 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
22. thegoosegoblin writes:

I lol'd. Nicely done. And for the record, Alice Cooper may be old, but he puts on one hell of a show.

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 4:34 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
n0thinghead's avatar

Podcaster/Writer

23. n0thinghead writes:

hellrat: "vaya con dios" was my first tat \m/

on topic: ROFLMAO!!! i'm loving today's articles more and more lmao "Debates are cropping up in metal music forums as to whether the makeup is actually tattooed on to his face." lol

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 6:35 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

24. Blindgreed1 writes:

To all of you who are not "in the know" my flame war with DeathCrush today was an April fools joke. Please know that I have the utmost respect for him as a writer on the MU staff and as the best kisser on DB's payroll. lol. I'm outta here!

# Apr 1, 2010 @ 6:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
25. the messenger writes:

bah - the man has been to hell and back already (figuratively, of course)............the man remains a 'priest of the metal underground'

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 6:25 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
26. HereticPrincess writes:

LOL! For being a christian, AC writes some awesome stuff...he's the kind of person that doesn't let their faith get in the way of music and whatnot. Bravo to him! (I'm hating april fools day this year btw) :P

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 2:20 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
BLACKENED88's avatar

Member

27. BLACKENED88 writes:

I got Deathcrush 1st round KO goooo Deathcrush as for B/G go hate on your own time NOOB!!!

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 3:03 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

28. Blindgreed1 writes:

^^^You sir are an idiot. Thank you.

# Apr 2, 2010 @ 3:15 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
29. Diane Vera writes:

This is clearly an April Fools post.

The Church of Satan does not hold "Black Masses every Sunday," nor would any follower of LaVey's form of Satanism be likely to hold "Black Masses every Sunday." In LaVey's form of Satanism, and in most other forms of Satanism too, the "Black Mass" is understood as something to be performed as an occasional catharsis, nothing more.

# Apr 3, 2010 @ 9:49 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
30. the nightmare writes:

none of its true ! fukn idiots!!!!

# Apr 8, 2010 @ 12:55 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

31. Blindgreed1 writes:

Diane Vera: Some would debate with you that LaVey is even a Satanist. I for one. But yes, merely identifying the date it was posted would reveal that this is an April fools prank.

# Apr 8, 2010 @ 1:31 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
OlafBerzerker's avatar

Member

32. OlafBerzerker writes:

Beauty read, praise hail satin lol

# Apr 8, 2010 @ 2:00 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
MaryJane's avatar

Member

33. MaryJane writes:

Wow. I have heard some crap in my time....but that takes the cake. I'm not saying it isn't possible...I'm just saying that it isn't very likely... Screaming Hail Satan in a book store full of people...That's where you lost me...

# Apr 20, 2010 @ 1:49 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

Member

34. Blindgreed1 writes:

^^^LMAO!!! Your screen name is very fitting.

# Apr 20, 2010 @ 3:11 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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