Celebrity Apprentice: Bret is Project Manager
Band Photo: Poison (?)
This year’s Celebrity Apprentice Reality television show gives us a couple of rock n’ roll “celebrities” as well as comedy gold in Bret Michaels and Sharon Osbourne.
As with the Rock of Love show, the Bret Michaels drinking game will be in play, with a twist, instead of the word AWESOME, we will be using ROCK. I prefer Patron tequila, but for those playing along while reading the column I suggest something from the schnapps family, and for those reading this in the morning, maybe a stiff Bloody Mary, or an ice cold Stella.
The first episode starts with Sinbad, one of the contestants, complimenting Bret Michaels on his long hair and tight jeans. Apparently Trump Tower didn’t send out the memo regarding Michaels hair extensions. During the introductions Sharon Osbourne lets everyone know that “I can be the nastiest bitch in the world.” We know Sharon, Ozzy wrote a book about it. Comedian Carol Leifer refers to Bret Michaels as a man whore. Five minutes in and already two compliments for Michaels.
As most are aware, the two words you don’t want to hear from Donald Trump is “You’re Fired,” but equally as concerning are the six words “Bret Michaels will be Project Manager.” With Michaels as Project Manager the team kicks around potential team names such as ROCK hard, ROCK stars, and ROCK solid; eventually settling on ROCKSOLID. During the first visit to the boardroom Michaels explains he just got back from a ROCK show in Mexico and is running on one hour sleep, leading to the an exchange of fist bumps in the boardroom, quite possible the first fist bumps ever in a Trump boardroom.
This week’s challenge is for the two teams to work in a diner and sell as much food as possible. On Bret’s team is Curtis Stone, a celebrity chef who insists on selling truffles and risotto as a menu item. Oh, to get everyone up to speed, the diner is called Burger Heaven. They decide to keep the truffles, but also offer $100 hamburgers. A solid management decision from the lead singer that brought us the lyrics “She goes down slow like a shot of Gin.”
During the day of the contest Bret rallies ROCKSOLID, but they have difficulty bringing in customers. Bret, a diabetic running on 4 hours of sleep in 48 hours, feels his blood sugar drop. There are only thirty minutes left, a hungry crowd, and many wanting to get served. Cue the song “Cry Tough.”
Michaels rallies after slamming a couple of Cokes and the men make it through to the boardroom. The totals are in and the men’s team, ROCKSOLID wins. Trump goes out of his way to let Project Manager Bret Michaels know he did a great job. More fist bumps for ROCKSOLID and $100K for Bret’s diabetes charity.
Back in the boardroom, Sharon Osbourne throws everyone under the bus, specifically calling out Carol Leifer. In another room, ROCKSOLID is watching and Bret screams, “Take your clothes off for the cat fight!” Back inside the boardroom, Trump (despite not hearing the remark) is not to be outdone by Michaels remarks, telling Victoria’s Secret Model, Selita Ebanks, that her “very beautiful ass is safe.”
In the end it is the other Project Manager, Cyndi Lauper, which is fired. Cue the song “Time after Time.”
Wait? She didn’t get fired? Oh, thanks to Sharon it was actually Carol Leifer getting fired.
Cue the song “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”…
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