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The Rockstar Ramblings: Cartoon Rock Network

Photo of Poison

Band Photo: Poison (?)

Taking a page out of the KISS “How to Market Your Band” book, Def Lepard is moving into the world of cartoons. Here’s a look at a few others that may be in productions soon…

SUPER NINJA VAN HALEN BROTHERS: They eat pizza with M&M’s (no brown ones allowed) and solve crimes. Each with their own super powers: Eddie plays his guitar and bad dudes become distracted by the sound, Alex uses his drum sticks to perform beat downs, Michael strokes his beard to gain super strength, and David, of course, conquers his enemies with karate kicks. A cartoon of good vs. evil with a lesson taught at the end. The lesson is always we may not like each other, but damn we are good when we work together.

TATTOO TALES: Follow Buckcherry as they travel to various tattoo parlors to solve mysteries. Watch for their nemesis’ Nikki and Tommy as they travel from one seedy strip to another.

CATSCRATCH FEVER & FRIENDS: Similar to Garfield and Friends, follow the group as they find mischief in all the wrong places and have to use their bow and arrows to return to safety. Actually, this is nothing like Garfield.

THE MARILYN MANSON MUSIC HOUR: No details as of this time.

WARNER BROTHERS PRESENTS BOXER PANTS & FRIENDS: Wearing his trademark boxers, the character Hollywood Rose travels the world making and losing friends. The only constant is his trusty dog named Sebastian.

LITA THE EXPLORER: Lita Ford travels from hotel to hotel in search of the perfect bed.

THE NEW KNIGHT RIDER: A cartoon based on the original show you may be disappointed when you realize the car Kit has been replaced by a Jaguar, and David Hasselhoff’s hair has been replaced with David Coverdale’s hair.

RAG DOLLS: Each episode finds an animated Aerosmith go back in time, losing their lead singer and then spending the next 15 minutes searching for their lost lead singer. Why they don’t always go straight to the cartoon rehab center no one knows.

ALICE COOPER – MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE: Alice fights ghouls on the golf course.

LOONEY TUNES: Its Bugs Bunny meets Scooby Doo. Meet Ozzy, a fumbling demon dressed in black learning lessons through his several dogs.

POISON IN BEDROCK: A hilarious take on The Flintstones. Watch C.C. play guitar using a Stegosaurus and Bret use a Python as a bandana. It’s Yaba Daba Awesome!

JERSEY: Named after their homeland, watch mini kid versions of Bon Jovi travel through the Garden State using their special powers to make their state worship them as Gods. What is their special power? It’s their wonderful smiles of course.

KING OF THE CELL: Who is that cartoon character behind that court order and jean jacket? Well, it’s Jani Lane. Follow Lane weekly as he takes children through the court system and teaches his viewers about topics such as what does the IRS stand for and community service.

MIGHTY MOUSE RETURNS: The only way Kip Winger could go shirtless in his cartoon was to agree to have his character wear a cape, and be a mouse. I just threw up in my mouth.

Rockstar_Scribbler's avatar

David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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