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The Rockstar Ramblings: WHAT IF?

WHAT IF Van Halen decided to name their third album Van Halen III?

[ANSWER] Common sense says sales stay the same, but the band becomes more focused on reaching Roman numeral ten, keeping the original line-up together for ten albums. Everyone likes the big X.

WHAT IF Tawny Kitaen doesn’t appear on the hood of David Coverdale’s Jaguar?

[ANSWER] Auto maker Jaguar does not see 1987 sales increase ten percent.

WHAT IF Motley Crue doesn’t record/release “Home Sweet Home” on their Theatre of Pain album?

[ANSWER] With only a cover of “Smoking In The Boys Room” as a potential hit the album flops. During the making of their follow-up Girls, Girls, Girls the band turns on each other sooner than later and break up. Dr. Feelgood is never produced. Without a large following there is no reunion and total album sales barely approach 5 million (actual number today is around 80 million). Vince Neil goes on to front the longest touring bar band, Nikki Sixx disappears, Tommy Lee stays with Heather Locklear, and Mick Mars continues to tour for years before realizing the rest of the band is no longer with him.

WHAT IF Axl Rose doesn’t include the song “My World” as the last track on Use Your Illusion II?

[ANSWER] The band stays together and…oh, forget it. It all probably ends the same way.

WHAT IF The Nelsons don’t put out a video for “After The Rain”?

[ANSWER] Heavy metal remains mainstream for another ten years.

WHAT IF Ozzy Osbourne doesn’t appear in his own reality series on MTV?

[ANSWER] Ronnie James Dio stars in his own reality show on MTV.

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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1. deathfreak writes:

Thats f***ing great.

# Nov 29, 2009 @ 5:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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