The Rockstar Ramblings: Rock Tavern Edition
Band Photo: Ozzy Osbourne (?)
This week announced the official open of Feelgood’s Rock Bar & Grill, the new venture from Vince Neil (Motley Crue), in Las Vegas. Neil is by no means the first rock star to open a bar. For many years Sammy Hagar, Alice Cooper, as well as others have made the connection of booze to rock fans. However, what makes this particular opening special is the expectations set for decadence in a true rock and roll atmosphere. With a sound system fit for a stadium you will find live rock (including a house band), privacy in the V-rooms, and hosting after-parties for the bands Whitesnake and Judas Priest (already booked) Neil is introducing the future of rock bars. The question is who will be the next to follow this trend? I’ve broken down some of the potential favorites:
Bret Michael’s Rock of Love Gentlemen’s Club: Complete with poles and a gift shop selling the official Bret Michael’s bandana you will find nothing but a good time at this club. Who is that blond guy sitting to the left of the stage? Well, it may very well be C.C. Deville as he takes in the sites and watches the girls do their version of the un-skinny bop. For dancers, Bret truly likes VH1 is setting up a production studio in the corner, allowing the girls to audition for Rock of Love. Bring your lighters because in true Poison fashion you will be delighted at 10pm each night as the lights go out and all sing along with the song “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”
Uncle Ted’s Shoot It and Grill It Pub: Though referred to as “the garden” you will find more than flowers when you walk into the back of this pub. Five acres of plush land with livestock roaming free. For ten dollars, rent one of Nugent’s guns and gun down your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. For an extra five dollars Ted will do it himself. As you cook up your kill you will be listening to Ted Nugent himself as he speaks about hunting and the American dream. Be sure not to let Ted see you cook your meat too well done or you may find yourself running freely in “the garden.” Feel secure in the heavily guarded establishment as you wonder: Is that a Marine guarding the front door? No silly, that’s just one of Ted’s guitar players, holding one of Ted’s machine guns.
The Velvet Revolver Karaoke Bar: After firing Scott Weiland over a year ago it has been a long road to finding a lead singer. Long auditions, offers, and rejections have put this band at their wits end. Welcome to The Velvet Revolver Karaoke Bar. You think you have what it takes to be the singer of this super group? Pull up a stool and give it a shot. During happy hour order hot wings served out of a plastic replica Slash top hat and order the Duff (straight vodka). If you’re lucky grab a table with an actual member of the band such as Duff McKagan and talk recovery and financial investing; Leave confused after talking with Slash; Ask Matt Sorum how lucky he feels to not have been the first Guns N Roses drummer. One suggestion when going up to sing: Steer clear from singing anything from Velvet Revolver’s second album.
The Osbournes Reality Show & Café: Ever want to star in a reality television show? Are you hungry? Then this is the place for you. From the Osbournes comes their next reality show venture, putting the family in a kitchen to serve everyday folks lunch and dinner. Listen closely and you will hear Ozzy cursing as he burns himself on the fryers and watch out for Jack and Kelly as their arguments tend to spill into the dining area. Be sure to get their early, and if you can, try to get on Sharon’s VIP list.
Rob Halford’s Closet Room: A very dark bar with lots of leather and studs. In the corner you will find a barber shop (they only shave heads – just ask for the “Halford”) as well a full kitchen offering, well, they have fish and chips. The main attraction of this club is a private room in the back that has large “closet like” doors. We are told it is easy to go in and easy to come out of.
David S. Grant is the author of books Corporate Porn, Bleach|Blackout, Hollywood Ending, Emotionless Souls, and The Last Breakfast. His new novel, Blood-the New Red, will be available this fall. For more information please go to davidsgrant.com.
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